Journal: Not knowing why I am here!

[Zanoni]

08 May 2017
Song of the day - The Marshall Tucker Band - Can't You See

I got up at 7.30am. Took a shower. Made some breakfast. Got dressed. Drove to work. I did a goods day work from 9 to 5. After work I went for a long walk in the sun. I'm 32 years old. Male. Single. What to tell? What to talk about?

I cleaned the house. Went to bed around 9pm and dreamed about suicide.

My name is Zanoni and I am waiting for Mejnor.

[Zanoni]

09 May 2017
Song of the day Supergrass - Pumping On Your Stereo

I got up at 7.30am. Took a shower. Made some breakfast. Got dressed. Drove to work. Still at work. I am still 32 years old. Still male. I live in UK. On a break.

Cause you can walk right by me, look right through me and never knoiw I'm there. Never even know!

Its a great day outside.

My name is whoever you want it to be.

[Zanoni]

10 May 2017
Robbie Williams and Kylie Minogue - Kids

I got up at 7.30am. Took a shower. Made some breakfast. Got dressed. Drove to work.
Currently at work. I had a dream about suicide. Very graphic makes me sick thinking about it.

Maybe its a vision.

Who knows? Who cares?

Ban me!

[Zanoni]

I want to die. That is the feeling I have.

I have no family or friends.

All I do is work!

[Zanoni]

I don't have anything to live for. I have no reason to be alive. I've nothing real to say about my life.

[Candid]

I am still 32 years old.

Let me guess: you'll be 33 next month.

Still male.

Are you considering a change?

It's good to see you here, anyway. Keep writing!

[Zanoni]

I'll be 33 in December.

No I like being male.

Who the hell are you? Do you know me? I don't write much on here but I'll keep posting.

[Candid]

Who the hell are you?

Just a long-term poster here.

Do you know me?

In a way yes, because we 'meet' a lot of depressed, lonely and demotivated people here. But I don't know you personally. Of course I don't.

If you simply want to express yourself here without feedback, that's fine. I felt empathy for your circumstances and thought you might like a hello.

[HumanB]

It's not too late to make new connections and find new loves/passions. For in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, love is as perennial as the grass (desiderata).

[Zanoni]

What would those connections and passions be?

I've put in anextra shift at work. I've been really busy with sorting documents and filing. Management is very important at my place of work. I've been there 20 years. Some of the stories I could tell you. This one time I put Smyth under Smith...good times.

[Candid]

I've been there 20 years.

Since you were 12? Is it a family business?

This one time I put Smyth under Smith...good times.

Sweet indeed when we can get a kick out of our work, even if it's fleeting and involves an act of deliberate naughtiness.

[Zanoni]

Sorry I meant 10 years. It fees like 20.

It was an honest mistake about the Smyth and Smith. My failed attempt at sarcasm.

[Zanoni]

Because it won't make much sense to swithch folders as a joke knowing it would cause trouble later on when going to look for the right folder...so deliberate naughtiness No! Mistake Yes!

Looking back now what a story to tell. I use it as a pick up line. No sucess so far. I've other work stories but no one wants to listen. Sometimes I say I've a job and no one even cares to ask me what it is. Its odd or at least I find it to be odd.

Today I've paper work and numbers to crunch.

Mr Cellophane.

[Candid]

It all sounds a bit dull when I know you have a good literary mind.

[Zanoni]

Thats work. Just work. Work isdull. I can't describe bells and whistles when there isn't any.

Literary mind?