My nightmare

Postby CaffeCosta » Tue May 30, 2017 8:39 am

I've been married 6 years and I've recently found my wife has been cheating on me the whole time with boss. This has cost me job and my family. The worrry is now is my son even mine?!!?!? how do I bring up the topic if the kid is mine or not now? My son is 3 years old.

I'm going crzy here I might lose everything...I'm a loser now...nothing.

Any help? Drugs?

I'm completely all over the place right now..lost.
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#1

Postby Candid » Tue May 30, 2017 8:43 am

Assuming you love your son, don't question his paternity. Sounds like you need to separate from your wife, though.
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#2

Postby CaffeCosta » Tue May 30, 2017 9:03 am

To be fair I doubt the child is mine given certain features. I'm now moved out of my own home and staying in a hostel. We are talking about divorce now. Things moved on fast. My life is over.
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#3

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue May 30, 2017 9:43 am

Your life is not over.

It is hard to see in the moment. Divorce is not fun. It is painful. It was one of the most painful and tough decisions I made in my life, but it was one of the best decisions I ever made.

You are doing the right thing leaving and staying at a hostel. Continue with the divorce.

As for the child, as Candid stated it doesn't matter the paternity. The child needs love. There is no reason you cannot continue to love this child as your own. Like any divorce you can work to maintain a relationship and continue to be a father to the child. A child doesn't care, a child is innocent and just wants a father to love them. As your son gets older...much, much older...you can start to explain the differences in types of fathers.

Another piece of advice for the future, because right now I'm sure it is hard in this moment to process the divorce, NEVER talk bad about your sons mother. Take the high road, be there for this child, your son and be a good role model for him. This means no drugs. It means looking towards your future and continue life as a positive influence on this child's life.

The future has a ton of potential for you. Think what would have happened if you found out about all of this 15 or 20 years from now? You are lucky. You found out while you are young. You can take the lessons from this experience in life and the next woman you decide you like you will be in a much better position to find a good woman and have a healthy relationship.
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#4

Postby CaffeCosta » Tue May 30, 2017 9:48 am

The child may not care but I do.

How do you the future has a ton of potential for me? I'll probably lose my job over this or I can't work for my boss anymore. I have no ideas left.
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#5

Postby Candid » Tue May 30, 2017 10:03 am

CaffeCosta wrote:The child may not care but I do.


The child will care if the daddy he's always known cuts him off.

I'll probably lose my job over this or I can't work for my boss anymore. I have no ideas left.


When you get past the grief and anger you'll find another job, and the odds are your new boss won't sleep with your new partner.
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#6

Postby CaffeCosta » Tue May 30, 2017 10:08 am

I will care if the child is mine or not. I couldn't look at the child the same way. It bring up so much pain and grief for me.
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#7

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue May 30, 2017 10:17 am

CaffeCosta wrote:How do you the future has a ton of potential for me?


A single person always has more options and flexibility than a person in a committed relationship. Sacrifice is a key component of any healthy relationship, yet sacrifice understandably limits certain options.

You have two choices right now. You have two paths you can walk:

-1- You can choose the path of strength and be a role model for others. You can prove to yourself that you are a strong person capable of handling the inevitable setbacks in life that we all face. You can use this experience to learn and grow as a person. It is a path with a great future.

-2- You can choose the path of weakness and show others how a person handles setbacks poorly. You can use drugs, be a bad role model, prove yourself incapable of handling setbacks in life that we all face. Instead of learning, you shut down and become a victim of yourself. It is a dark path that has no future.
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#8

Postby CaffeCosta » Tue May 30, 2017 10:19 am

I'll handle them all right. I'll get another job. I'll work myself into the ground.
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#9

Postby Candid » Tue May 30, 2017 10:27 am

CaffeCosta wrote:I will care if the child is mine or not. I couldn't look at the child the same way. It bring up so much pain and grief for me.


Then you had better find out as soon as you can, and if he isn't "yours" you need to exit his life as quickly and painlessly as possible. He will never forget you, and whatever subsequent 'fathers' he has will never replace you. Your power to do damage to him is immense.

I'll work myself into the ground.


This sounds as though it's said with clenched teeth. I would recommend you not make any big decisions (eg. rejecting an innocent little boy) while you're still feeling so angry.
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#10

Postby CaffeCosta » Tue May 30, 2017 10:37 am

Why is no one taking my side? Look I just I want to know if the kid is mine or not for my own peace of mind.

I'll start looking for jobs asap.
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#11

Postby Candid » Tue May 30, 2017 10:48 am

CaffeCosta wrote:Why is no one taking my side?


Because you are supposed to be an adult, and he is three years old.

Look I just I want to know if the kid is mine or not for my own peace of mind.


If you can't love him regardless of his genes, you need to get out of his life pronto. Parental love is supposed to be unconditional.
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#12

Postby CaffeCosta » Tue May 30, 2017 11:04 am

I've been kicked out of my home as we speak.
Lost my job.
Lost my wife.
Getting divorced
Humilated.

Give me a break!!!!
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#13

Postby Candid » Tue May 30, 2017 11:09 am

You've been kicked out of the hostel? Why was that?

Did your boss fire you because you found out he was sleeping with your wife, or did you quit?
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#14

Postby CaffeCosta » Tue May 30, 2017 11:33 am

No I own the home and the wife kicked me out. We felt it best for th child.
I have to talk to my boss about what is the best for us, him, me, the company. I don't know.
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