'People problems'

Postby amberangelx » Tue May 30, 2017 9:32 am

So I think this is the issue for me. I don't tend to want to cause disruption and problems in life but when someone else does this to me or anyone else I react very strongly to this and I get so angry at them! Not in the sense that I yell or scream at them all the time but I always want to stick up for myself and point out why what they did was wrong (I feel this is a problem because it perpetuates their behaviour and it is pointless because it just elaborates on the problem) or perhaps point out to someone who 'should have stuck up for me' why they should have (this is not fair to put this pressure on this person I feel)

Obviously, this is a huge fault within me. Why do I feel the need to do this? Why do I react in this way? How do I stop this behaviour and stop focusing on this negativity in others?
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue May 30, 2017 9:58 am

Two things to consider:

-1- Stop the negative feelings by asking yourself to what extent it really matters and it is something you can control. Use the 7/7/7 rule, asking how whatever a person has done will impact your life 7 weeks from now, 7 months from now, 7 years from now. The vast majority of time if you pause to consider the impact, e.g. a person doesn't stick up for you, you will realize that even 7 minutes or 7 days, let alone 7 weeks it whatever happened will be an insignificant blip and this can help you just let the infraction go.

I have use the 7/7/7 effectively for many years. It really encourages you to think long term and not get dragged down by insignificant crap whirling around you that will last maybe a week.

-2- If you do the 7/7/7 check and it is something you still feel strongly about, then work on reacting differently. Give yourself permission to be offended, to have passion, to stand up for what you believe in, but don't use anger as your tool. Anger shows a lack of life skills, a lack of coping skills. Instead, learn problem solving skills and critical thinking skills. If you are confident in your problem solving skills then instead of anger, you will frame the issue differently and therefore approach it from a different angle.
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