Help me figure this out?

Postby WonderGurl » Thu Jun 15, 2017 10:54 pm

I have been friends with this fella for a good while now and I would say he's as trustworthy as friends go.

We were hanging out in his place chatting. Mid conversation he stood up and told me there was something he wanted to show me and went upstairs.
This is where my funny feelings get funny.

It might be worth mentioning that he continues to make excplicit sexual advances even though I have told him it wasn't happening. Each time I very cleary say no. We've had conversation where I've explained to him why it wasn't happening and he reassured me he got me loud and clear and that it wasn't a problem. I would like him to stop trying, but it doesn't happen always either, so I can put up with it as I think the friendship is worth it.

So, my funny feelings are that when he went upstairs that time, I immediately started feeling worried about what he might be doing there, and I put a plan together of what I'd try to do in order to leave his house safe in case he attempted to rape me when he came back downstairs.
He came down just chatting normal and all was fine.

I feel very silly for feeling afraid of him. I just would like to figure out whether there is any real danger, or is it just an unfounded fear? I was assaulted in the past, and maybe it's clouding my judgement. I really like the friendship and don't want to loose it over a silly fear. Please tell me I shouldn't have felt afraid in that situation.
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Postby bowler32 » Sat Jun 17, 2017 3:58 am

I would take a small break from spending any time with him. There is clearly sexual tension for him and you clearly stated that you don't want any of it. In other words I would talk to him over the phone and tell him that. This is probably best rather than in person because he might become angry and actually physically cause you harm. I know you don't want to lose the friendship, but your safety is most important. Have you told him about your past? This might break the urge of him wanting it and have him become understanding of the situation.
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Postby Livetowin » Mon Jun 19, 2017 1:54 pm

Anyone who makes sexually explicit remarks to you is not respecting you, especially after you have told them to refrain from that behavior. The fact that he has ignored your requests makes you uneasy (as it should), so sudden, random reactions such as what he is doing is naturally alarming you. That too is a normal reaction. I would keep my distance from this guy if he operates like a lose cannon with a deaf ear to your circumstances. That is the last person I would be regarding as a "trustworthy" friend. Don't defer to people who have a gift for the gab. Talk is cheap and a device to lure people in. What people DO is the truest measure of their character. What this guy is doing is playing games with you and you need to back away from him.
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