Girlfriend suicidal. Needs to leave home. Nowhere to go to.

Postby P-bags » Mon Jun 19, 2017 5:06 am

I'm afraid my girlfriend is going to commit suicide. I am extremely afraid. This is going to be a long read (and an even longer write) but I desperately need help. So to start things off I'm 18 years old. My girlfriend is 14. And in the state that I live in that is frowned upon until she is 16. She turns 15 in about a month so that gives it about a year before it is allowed. This is not the issue. But it does cause issues in the situation that she might be in. Her father is abusive and stuck in some fantasy world where he's this professional bass player but in actuality he's a fat sh** who doesn't shower and terrorizes his wife and daughter. He's a drunk and makes his wife return food for cigarette money. Then onto her mom. Her mom is a hoarder. The kind of hoarder you see on TV. Their house is full of rotting food, covered in cat piss, useless objects scattered everywhere, and just a few weeks ago my girlfriend cut her foot on a random piece of sheet metal on the floor. Here's where the fun ensues (bear with me this is just what you need to know to help). Neither of her parents work. They get disability money and food stamps. The disability money goes entirely to weed and cigarettes. They also buy it for her and smoke it with her (not anymore because i made her stop) Her mom sometimes commits fraud by this little trick with food stamps where you buy something with money then the same thing with food stamps. Then you return the food stamps with the money receipt and return the money food with the money receipt. She does this to buy more weed and cigarettes. Amazing right? She's been involved with social services trying to "help" her. They have done effectively nothing for her. She's been thrown in a residential for 7 months (5 more than they were supposed to) where she had to be one of the only 2 white girls basically completely isolated by everybody having to literally fight everyday. She's been through therapy since she was 9, medication since she was 6. She's not crazy. That's not the issue. It's the house that she lives in. It's such a negative environment that she can barely motivate herself to wake up. It's starting to get into her mind and she think's she'll end up like that. I'm going to make sure that doesn't happen. Also ALL of her past relationships have been extremely abusive or unhealthy. She had a boyfriend that would tell her everything she did was wrong and that her problems weren't real. He would just pull her hair or twist her wrist until she cried. And one time he f***ing punched her in the back of the head and she fell down the stairs. Then all her other relationships she was either heavily neglected or just used for sex. She also feels dirty for all of the people she's been with. She only did things like that because of desperation as well. She had no friends as a kid. She still has no friends I'm the only friend she has at this point. That's not even an exaggeration. That also brings me to another point. She has EXTREMELY bad anxiety and can barely socialize with me sometimes. And if you think oh she can make friends at school that is wrong. She's still in 7th grade. This is because she got expelled and her dad didn't let her take online school because her mom isn't allowed to have internet (or friends). And they also didn't make her go to school as a kid so she's missing crucial parts of her educations and has extreme problems understanding certain subjects because of that (specifically math). At one point she felt MUCH better and that was when she ended up living with her grandma. It's because she was out of that f***ing house. That house is what's causing her all of these issues. We go to the forest all the time and swim in the rivers and she's so happy. Or even when we're just in my room or playing with my dog. I wonder how many people stopped reading at me being 18 and her being 14. Frankly if you think its okay that she lives with a man like her father and will for another 3 years and it's not okay for her to be with me then you can suck a fat one. I'm going to college in the fall and I have a job interview lined up tomorrow actually so I'm not another schmuck that's going to ruin her life. You may read my old posts and believe I might and I could understand that but believe me I want nothing but to protect this girl. Now back to whats important. I want to be able to get her out of that house. We have enough evidence against her parents to get their custody taken away. But the issue is that she'll be put into residential housing and up for adoptions. She's been in these types of situations before. Also her dad would try to get her AND me in trouble because her mom forces her to buy her weed and her dad knows that i'm 18. Here's where things get interesting. I want to know if I can adopt her. I live with my parents but I'm 18. I don't think my parents would be willing to adopt her and they think she's 16. If all else fails i'll have to go to them but I would really prefer not to. I tried looking up all of the rules on these things and nothing was helpful. I don't want her to be thrown into a residential or into jail for buying weed for her sh** mother that guilt trips her into doing it. She has not family to go to. No friends to go to. I'm all she has and I'm not allowed to be with her legally. I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose her. Please help
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Jun 19, 2017 3:56 pm

P-bags wrote: You may read my old posts and believe I might and I could understand that but believe me I want nothing but to protect this girl.


What a responsible adult does in this situation is they work with law enforcement and social services to use the legal system and non-profit organizations to help the child. The challenge for you is that your previous posts adequately demonstrate regardless of good intentions to protect this child, you have damaged your ability and/or credibility to do so.

This means if you want to help this child, you must use a third party that does have credibility. A parent is a good starting point. If a parent is unwilling, usually local churches will have people willing to help.
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#2

Postby P-bags » Mon Jun 19, 2017 6:38 pm

Thank you for focusing on the least important parts. What I'm looking for is somebody who has actually worked with the police and social services and can tell us how to get them to actually help instead of making things worse. The police and social services are definitely not some magic organizations that fix everything. You seem to he forgettig about the part where they've been making things worse for her every time she encounters them. i'm not stupid. I understand that I need to work with them and the police but you don't seem to be any help other than passive agressive comments towards me.
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#3

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue Jun 20, 2017 12:45 am

And your response is exactly why you are incapable of being the one to directly help this child. There is a big difference between wanting to help and being the right person to help.

I will repeat, you need to find a 3rd party. You need to find an adult in your community to help you with your problem. If not one of your parents, then a respected member of a church or non-profit geared towards helping children. You are then helping this child indirectly, by bringing in a capable other person, someone with the ability to help.

If the above is not clear, get off the Internet and go out into the real world to find an adult in your community willing to help you.
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