I don't know my anger.

Postby IWishToSleepAlways » Sat Jul 01, 2017 12:59 pm

I rarely lose my temper. I do bottle it up but I try to vent it off during my free time when I'm not working. Such as on my days off I'll catch up on series or walk my two dogs with my fiancee at the beach or the woods. I read almost every day to help me keep my calm.

I'm what you call the jokeful type. I surprisingly give great advice to my friends but I can never give advice to myself.

So let me explain.

I don't understand what I am feeling right now. It seems to be a mixture of stress, sadness, anger, hatred & withdrawal.

I feel stressed with work & trying to save for a mortgage at 26. Though those things are normal for people.

I feel sadness but I do not know why.

I feel anger at normal stuff & usually I can get rid of it or ignore it but now that anger is not disappearing. It is just lingering at me.

Hatred. I know the word hate is used too easily but is it hate that I feel quite content with myself that if the lot of people who have angered me extremely lately had died a slow painful death that my reaction would be laughter?

Withdrawal by this I mean on my days off I just wish to stay at home with my dogs & fiancee or do light stuff when going out.

My partner & I. We rent her Mother's house cause her Mother lives in Spain. We have lived here for 3 years since I moved 250 miles away from my friends & family etc for my partner as she is from this area.

But they visit back home every few years her mother & step dad & her youngest sister. So since it is there house they stay here.

Her Mother takes over completely when she is here. Orders me about but for her other son in laws or daughter in laws. She isn't like that with them at all.

She angers me so much. She is here with us for only a few days because it is her bday. We are going out later but today she has f***ed me off royally.

I do not know what to do as all the anger I have had lately building up is getting to me.

My partner has her own problems due to an illness that isn't serious but it is getting to her due to the physical effects. So I am trying not to bother her with it.

Anyway this is more of just venting than anything else.
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#1

Postby Leo Volont » Sat Jul 01, 2017 4:12 pm

Dear WishfulSleeping

My first impression is that you are Coping with your negative feelings very well. Where Anger turns into a very serious problem is when it is mixed with Poor Impulse Control. So the Bright Side here is that you need to appreciate how grateful you should be to yourself for your Ability and Will to Contain the Drama, Hostility and Violence that some people just Let Go – Break All the Windows and Burn the Place Down, kind of thing.

About your Hate. For the longest time I felt that the Words Anger and Angry were being used Ambiguously, that is, that it Meant both The Emotion and the Behavior, so that one could say “I was Angry because I was Angry” which would more precisely mean “I behaved with Anger because I felt the emotion of Anger”. So I thought about it and decided that the Word for Emotional Anger should be Hate, Hateful, Hating – basically the Emotion that leads to Angry Behavior and Angry Outbursts is Hate. Then I read one of the big Experts on Anger Management whom I really respect, Dr. Ronald Potter-Efron, and while he found the same Language Ambiguity I had noticed, he resolved the problem in quite the opposite manner – he kept Anger and Angry as the Emotion and changed the Behavior Word to other words like Hostile, Violent, Aggressive. While I like to be Stubborn at times, well, his resolution did seem to have its advantages… to be, well, more Intellectually Elegant than what I had thought up . Well, All of THAT, just to say that to feel Hate is not all that uncommon. Everything We do not Like, we Hate. But people don’t like to use the word Hate, because it seems so strong. But look at how intense the Stress and the Annoyance is for people who have to deal with things that they ‘Don’t Like’? The Word should Match the Effect, and if people are Really Bothered by something, then they HATE it. Why mince Words. If you are viscerally repulsed by something, then you Hate it.

Anyway, your negative feelings are probably stress driven. You are Young and I can guess that you had Life Expectations, and now you are being Locked into a Future which probably doesn’t entirely match up with all the Highest Hopes you had entertained for yourself. And everyone wants you to Focus on Their Priorities for you. You are saddled with Obligations and Duties. All of this and Being a Carefree Kid is still relatively Fresh in your Memory. As I said above, you are Dealing with all this Quite Well. You don’t rant and rave and break things. You just FEEL Stressed and Bitter about it. You are not alone. A lot of People think that Life Sucks. Heck, I am 64 years old, and have gone lame in both hips and because of the screwed up Health Care System I have been waiting for corrective surgery for more than a year, and I had been downsized from a good paying job which I hated because I hated everyone there and everyone hated me, and now I live on a little pittance of Social Security, BUT, I have my hobbies – I Study Mathematics , which I find more and more Fun as it goes along, with the intention that after my Operations I could pursue a Second Career. I am also an amateur musician and play music which is great fun for me. I live alone with 4 great cats in a cluttered apartment that I find as comfortable as an old shoe. SO, I am actually the Happiest I’ve ever been in my Life since I was a kid. You see, Working, which is what we do Our Entire Lives, is Very Stressful. They call it Working, but it is actual Wage Slavery, and though some people talk about have a Good Work Ethic, well, What Is a Good Work Ethic, but being a Willing and Eager Slave. They should be Intellectually Honest and Call It ‘Having a Good Slave Ethic’. Why should Anybody be Pleased about it? You spend your Life making Big Money for some Obnoxious Boss or a Bunch of Anonymous Share Holders (who Make All the Money but Legally Evade all the Damage and Destruction that their Company is Responsible for), and what you get is a miserably small slice of your Actual Value – Slave Wages! You have to consider yourself Lucky if the Bosses leave you alone to do The Job as you See Fit – to give you at least THAT Freedom, but no – they KNOW you are a Slave and they Treat you like it. Knowing practically Nothing about the Actual Details of the Job you are Doing, they Insist on telling you how to do it. And we are supposed to just Suck Up such Humiliations. But it Can Never be Easy. No Real Man, or Woman, WANTS to Willingly Be a Slave. The Body and the Mind react to it by being Stressed Out. Its only natural to Resent Exploitation that verges on Systematic Cultural Abuse. But THAT is the World we live in, and as I said above, YOU seem to be Coping Better than the Average Bear, as they say. Many Angry People wish they had your Perspective and Self Control.

Well, I hope THAT cheered you up.

Good Luck with Life. You take care. Leo
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#2

Postby Candid » Sun Jul 02, 2017 10:18 am

IWishToSleepAlways wrote:I rarely lose my temper. I do bottle it up but I try to vent it off during my free time when I'm not working.


Why do you bottle it up? It's a feeling as healthy as any other feeling, and begs to be expressed.

It sounds as though you're a people-pleaser and the last person on your personal list is you -- as if you have no rights.

As your username suggests, you're exhausted from keeping a lid on yourself and letting people walk over you. You and your partner are paying rent where you live. That gives you rights as well as responsibilities. No one should be able to come into your home and start ordering you about.

Seems to me it's time to start standing up for yourself and the things that matter to you. It'll be a whole new world!
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#3

Postby Leo Volont » Mon Jul 03, 2017 12:36 am

Dear Candid,

Recall that this Guy is Still Functional. His Family Bonds are still firmly in place. AND he is holding down a job. People, such as you or I, who have a History of Expressing our Feelings, CAN'T SEEM to keep a Job, and at least my Family and Social Life had been made Shaky by my Emotional Outbursts. And I don't imagine you would get that many votes for Miss Congeniality either. Of course, YOU must Feel Better, after such releases (or you wouldn't be such a strong advocate for them), but as for Myself and Many People who Write in, the Storm and Explosion of Emotional Expression simply Makes it all seem far Worse -- ADDS Exponentially to the Stress -- Pouring Gasoline on the Fire.

BUT, that being said, between the Both of Us, this Poster definitely has a Full Menu to choose from.
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