Day 4 Weed free and struggling

#90

Postby naturegirl » Sat Sep 16, 2017 2:29 am

Deff and Mr. Prankies, thank you! Tomorrow is my birthday, and I'm turning 49. I think I've been reminiscing and missing that fuzzy head feeling. I will write more later, but I wanted to say thanks. Mr. Prankies, I am proud of you. I think the stress of trying to lift my students up has made me miss numbing out my thoughts. I have 32 students now, and it's a lot. But I need to just take it day by day and remember that they're ten and there's only so much I can do. Yet, they're motivated and I know they want to learn. It's easy to want to fall back to old habits and old ways to deal with life. I knew that this stretch was going to get hard. Last time, I caved at 3 months. I will try to stay on track and rethink what got me started in the first place. It is astonishing to me how hard this is to quit. I've been missing that deep deep sleep that I would get with smoking. I'll take some melatonin tonight and see if that helps. I do need to post a bit more to keep me accountable. Thank you again for checking in and I'm so glad that the school year is going well for you. I can do this. I just need to reflect a bit more on why I started in the first place.
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#91

Postby wakinglife » Sat Sep 16, 2017 11:37 pm

Hey Naturegirl,

Reading through your thread I was reminded of similar times during my first year weed-free. As a fellow teacher, I can totally relate to your desire to be a role model. It sounds like you really have your work cut out for you (32, with such a high proportion of ELL/ESL -- don't know which acronym you use in Cali). Having a clear brain is a surefire way to step up your teaching brain. If you're ever close to caving, just remember those smiling faces that are relying on you. They need your assistance to reach their full potential. You're making such a positive difference in their lives.

I also wanted to chime in some words of encouragement as a long-time "quitter." It took me MANY attempts to quit, but once I had the right mind set (committed: doing this to improve my life and the lives of those I interact with) it's just continued to be something I stay away from. Probably the closest I came to relapsing was during the first year. If memory serves, it was at around 100 days off the weed that I felt like I could POSSIBLY go back to smoking on "special" occasions. Thankfully, I had kept a journal of my previous relapses during the ten years I'd tried to use in moderation before finally settling on total abstinence from drugs. When I look back, I am so grateful for this forum; quitting weed opened new doors in my mind. Now, after over a decade off the green stuff (now 44 years old), I am getting into excellent physical shape, forcing myself to be more extroverted, putting myself out there (karaoke at an event last weekend, for example), and dealing with my low-level underlying anxiety. I am only now growing into the adult male I have always wanted to become: strong, compassionate, and ablaze with life.

In my own experience, it takes about 6 months to feel totally THC free. One year off will also feel like an amazing accomplishment, and your brain will feel like it did before you were a smoker. Each year that passes after that, it gets just that little bit better, and the cravings lessen to the point that you can almost laugh at them after a few years. You should be very proud of your progress so far, and I wish you the happiest of birthdays and continued clarity and meaning in your life.

I intentionally avoid spending too much time online (causes me to procrastinate and avoid the pile of high school English marking that seems to permanently replenish itself in my teacher bin), but I do look forward to reading more of your well-written posts that get right to the heart of your experience.

Sending you good vibes across the "inter-webs."

Take care,

WL 8)
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