Financially help from Married boyfriend

Postby Annime » Wed Jul 12, 2017 7:26 pm

I am in a relationship for 2 years with a man who is 30years older than me and has his own family.
Recently I often have this feeling that it's wrong to date a married man but the temption and attraction is high.
I am thinking to ask him for financial help since he will never choose me over his family but he keeps insisting that he loves me. I don't want to waste my time for nothing so I need him financially too not only physically.
My responsibilities and Dreams are big and he acknowledges that. He helped me twice financially and he often gives me decent gifts.
These days I want to secure my future too and I am thinking to ask him for USD1000 monthly.

What do u think about it? Please advice me and how can I ask him so.
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Thu Jul 13, 2017 9:30 am

Why only 1,000 USD a month? Why not 3000?

You don't love him and he does not love you. You are both using each other. It is a business relationship, nothing more. He is 30 years older and married. He doesn't care about you past the emotional gap he is trying to fill. If you don't fill that gap, he will find another person to fill his needs. What do you get in return? You get your emotional needs met? Maybe some, but not all and so you are using this man and he is using you. What is that worth to him? What is it worth to you?

But a second idea is that you don't try to fill your emotional gap with money. You only go through life once, and money will not satisfy your emotional needs.
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#2

Postby Annime » Thu Jul 13, 2017 12:03 pm

Thankyou Richard for your opinion.
You are absolutely right! We don't really love each other, it is only temptation and lust between us.
90%of the time we cannot fill each other emotional needs and he doesn't need me emotionally since he has his wife to talk and share.
As mentioned in your second idea, life is only once and I do agree
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#3

Postby Livetowin » Thu Jul 13, 2017 2:22 pm

It's breath taking to see someone talk about a clear case of betrayal like it's a career move. Take this quote, "Recently I often have this feeling that it's wrong to date a married man but the temptation and attraction is high." And couple it with " All decisions come with consequences."

There's nothing casual about looking for financial advantage in a situation devoid of trust. Since we're tossing out the ethical side of this (sadly), let's just examine where you're sinking. First, if his resources are that high, but his character that low, how can you possibly reason his parameters for how he handles you if you cross the line?

I laugh because you act like you're a person of relevance because he's using you to cheat on his wife. You "think" that because he's handed you some money, you have leverage on him with his marriage. So the brilliant idea offered here is to place a dollar value on his wife's head? Wow. I was stunned by the source that offered this, but laughed out loud at the foolishness in which you took it as sound advice.

The first mistake people always make in a bond of deception is naively believing that act is evidence of loyalty to one another. It's not. You're playing the oldest game in the book (literally), and you don't know you're holding the losing hand. Throwing a dollar value into that raises the stakes beyond your knowledge base to know what could happen to him (or you) should it go completely south of how you envision it.

Just know this... A man who will betray and back-stab someone whom he has a legal bond to, will have no qualms handling you with even less regard. And whatever delusion you have about him caring for you, just know he possibly manages that perspective with greater care to his wife. You're not there, so however he sells it to you is not anything you can truly verify. He controls the perspective. And you are no more aware of how crowded a bed he holds than perhaps his wife does.

So if all of this insane behavior and ridiculous reasoning of essentially blackmailing him is your vision of 'career building', I have zero doubt it will not offer you the promotions you're looking to take on this career path.
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#4

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri Jul 14, 2017 3:13 am

Livetowin wrote: I was stunned by the source that offered this, but laughed out loud at the foolishness in which you took it as sound advice.


Maybe I misread, but it sounded like the OP took the advice that was the "second idea" that a person only lives once and that money will not fill that emotional gap in a person's life, i.e. trying to request money will be of little value.

Why is that advice not sound, especially when contrasted against the ridiculous notion of asking for 1000 or 3000? Am I misreading?

If the OP reads this, I do hope you understood and agreed with the idea that money will not give you happiness.
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#5

Postby Livetowin » Fri Jul 14, 2017 9:23 am

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:
Livetowin wrote: I was stunned by the source that offered this, but laughed out loud at the foolishness in which you took it as sound advice.


Maybe I misread, but it sounded like the OP took the advice that was the "second idea" that a person only lives once and that money will not fill that emotional gap in a person's life, i.e. trying to request money will be of little value.

Why is that advice not sound, especially when contrasted against the ridiculous notion of asking for 1000 or 3000? Am I misreading?

If the OP reads this, I do hope you understood and agreed with the idea that money will not give you happiness.


Hi Richard. I hope you're right. But the net volume of your response played to the idea that since there is no emotional bond here, why not raise the financial incentive, since you only live once. That's further cemented with the idea that if he doesn't do the time with her he'll simply do it with someone else, so why not profit from it. I thought that reasoned it too far towards a dangerous hypothetical.

It's very easy to read the second idea as a kind of afterthought to the main inquiry which is financial gain. I completely get you were suggesting money can't buy you love/happiness in the second suggestion. But the financial advantage is weighed greater here since her primary question is to profit from an arrangement she already deems emotionally bankrupt. I just thought placing too much emphasis on a material angle blurs the line of what perhaps she isn't seeing in all this, which is risk.

The dangerous situations I read young people put themselves in today is often mind-blowing. They seem to be completely unaware of the high risk stakes they enter because of a casual philosophy about relationships and this often guilt-free attitude which conditions them to think they can just have what they will of others. I don't know if that behavior has been fostered by the open environment we see in social media where people feel entitled to speak their minds without fear of reprisal, but I guess that's for another discussion.

But one action I do understand is that people who engage in breaking up marriages or families often do so with conclusions that go far beyond hurt feelings or a sense of betrayal. Allot of times these people end up looking down the barrel of a gun because they have no clue what kind of hornet's nest they cracked open. We have allot of depressed and confused people out there. Many of them have no idea where they stand in the world or what they want to do with their lives. Unfortunately our entertainment industry romanticizes inappropriate behavior which often fogs the judgement of those impressionable to that message. Sadly this often makes them the last to know what kind of impact they have on others or what it could cost them personally.

People go to their grave every day over this kind of behavior (and for far less). So it's with that perspective that I feel inclined to wave a red flag when people come out here and talk about these matters in a flip kind of way as if it's a reasonable situation they find themselves in. It's not at all. So it spooked me a bit that you entertained her notions for personal gain as a point of discussion where the aspect of risk was not offered to counter balance your first idea. I think it's fair game to suggest people can walk down any chosen path, but they need to understand the bigger picture if they do. All my best my friend.
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#6

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri Jul 14, 2017 10:16 am

Livetowin wrote:Hi Richard. I hope you're right. But the net volume of your response played to the idea that since there is no emotional bond here, why not raise the financial incentive, since you only live once. That's further cemented with the idea that if he doesn't do the time with her he'll simply do it with someone else, so why not profit from it. I thought that reasoned it too far towards a dangerous hypothetical.


My intent was more pointing out an extreme which I thought even bordered on sarcasm. Why not 3000, why not 5000, why not some ridiculous amount? Pointing out he could and would go elsewhere was not about so then why not, but rather this is how little you actually mean to him...you are little more than a business transaction.

Anyway, in retrospect I can see how it might have been taken as actual serious advice to profit. Not my intent, but obviously that was not clear.
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#7

Postby Livetowin » Fri Jul 14, 2017 10:56 am

Thanks Richard. You're an invaluable resource to so many people here. I appreciate you having an open ear on this topic. Continue the good work! All my best.
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#8

Postby Candid » Fri Jul 14, 2017 11:06 am

Annime wrote:I don't want to waste my time for nothing ...


Seems to me livetowin nailed it when he called this "the oldest game in the book". Annime could have a good career with an 'escort' agency.
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#9

Postby Annime » Fri Jul 14, 2017 11:27 am

Thankyou for participating in this forum.
As Richard said to ask for miserable amount, yes I could ask him to pay for my apartment or my allowance.
Two years with a man with no future ahead and abandoning isn't that easy when living in same city and working where he can access easily to me. It's like being used to something. Since I have a good income of USD7000$ The pride was there not to kneel down a man for anything but this time is different.

livetowin
I haven't been decent enough with him as going out for dates and searched for a man who is only mine. Things went pretty different. In the pacific part of Earth, it is common for rich married man to have another woman and look after them.

Candid
Yes, maybe in escort I could get along with many man and I wish I had a strong heart to have sex with many men without attraction.
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#10

Postby Candid » Fri Jul 14, 2017 11:42 am

Annime wrote:Two years with a man with no future ahead...


Did you know he was married when you two got together? Or did you think you were dating?

It's like being used to something.


Do you not enjoy the sex / his company? Who's being used?

In the pacific part of Earth, it is common for rich married man to have another woman and look after them.


Find out what the other escorts are earning and then you'll know whether he's paying you fairly or not.

I wish I had a strong heart to have sex with many men without attraction.


I'm sure you can manage it, if this is the career you want.
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