Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

Postby MommyToTwo » Sun Jul 16, 2017 5:58 pm

Hello all, 22 y/o female from the US here. I've been in my relationship for almost 3 years, & lets just say it hasn't been a very good 3 years. Firstly, he was very physically & emotionally abusive i.e. he slapped me & choked me in front of my daughter who was one at the time, he choke slammed me onto a bed where my tooth went thru my lip, & while I was 6 months pregnant with our son he choked me in the bathroom & almost made me fall backwards into the tub. He has cheated on me countless times with his ex girlfriends, which I didn't find out about until much later. He has called me every name in the book, & when something doesn't go exactly the way he wants it he acts like it is the end of the world.

Flash forward to most recently, he has went to the dr & was prescribed 10 mg Lexapro, the dr said he only has anxiety. He hasn't laid a hand on me since the bathroom incident, but occasionally he still calls me names & screams at me, & complains constantly about little things. He doesn't let me go see friends/family without permission. He constantly threatens the family cats life, & also to spank our children, my 3 y/o daughter & our 1 y/o son. I'm not happy at all, I've been having trouble sleeping, & recently have been having anxiety & panic attacks from everything I've been thru these 3 years. I wish I would have left forever ago! I want to leave now, but I feel like I shouldn't because he's made an effort to change. & quite honestly I don't know how to be alone. It's like I'm so connected to him that if I leave a part of me will be left behind. & since we have a child in common I will always have to deal with him, & will never truly be away. So, should I just stay & tough it out, or should I go? & if I should go HOW do I go & HOW do I go about healing & getting over this man I love so much?
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Postby tokeless » Sun Jul 16, 2017 6:24 pm

You experiencing domestic violence, even in front of your children... Should I go? Well, you could let your children grow up seeing this behaviour and it effecting them or you could do what's best. I appreciate it's hard but if I were you I'd tell him I want to separate but only after I'd got a safe place and support. If you tell him you can't be with him at the moment because of his behaviour and if you are to have a future he should use the time apart to deal with his issues. Then and only then will you consider being together again.
Get a safe place, get support and don't accept "I'll change, I promise"... He changed first and then you'll know if he's serious about the two of you. Staying is not an option imo
Best wishes
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Postby MommyToTwo » Sun Jul 16, 2017 9:29 pm

Thanks for the feedback. Logically, I know my best option is to get away. But I feel as if I have been too mentally damaged to do so successfully. I've left him before, but I always go back due to the children missing him & his empty promises. I think it's safe to say I need some help from a professional. I have often daydreamed about committing suicide, just to get away from him for good, tho I don't think I could ever do such a thing. My self worth, self esteem, confidence, freedom, & hapiness has all disappeared. I literally feel trapped! I rely on this man financially, I have worked many jobs but he always accuses me of flirting with coworkers & complains so much that I just end up quiting to keep him happy. He often bullies me & pressures me in to doing sexual acts that I'm not comfortable with, which has made me feel completely disgusting. I used to be such a happy person before him, now I feel like a complete stranger to myself. I used to feel attractive, now when I look in the mirror I'm disgusted. I have never really been alone, I've been in constant relationships since 13, I feel like I have to be loved to be happy, which I assume was a pre-existing mental problem. I'm totally hopeless at this point...
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Postby KarinaB » Sat Jul 22, 2017 4:52 am

Go, go, go! Get help and leave for your sanity and for your children's future. You are not helping them by staying for the financial support - they will end most likely end up traumatised and timid. It's not easy but it's your only option - you will feel empowered by your decision and your action and able to build a future for yourself and your kids. Good luck!
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