How to cope with friend going back to her country for good.

Postby adr_dsouza » Thu Jul 20, 2017 8:04 pm

This is an update to this post which was put up here earlier:

viewtopic.php?t=105527

Anyway. She is now leaving back to her country after about 10 days of visiting here on company work. I met with her and we had a nice time. I am not sure if I am in the friend zone with her but I guess I sort of like her. We are friends On facebook and shes been messaging me everyday about where she's at, what shes eating a etc..( pics etc.._

She leaving back to indonesia for good tomorrow. I am feeling very sad and lonely.

Please help.
adr_dsouza
Junior Member
 
Posts: 51
Joined: Thu Jul 03, 2014 1:09 pm
Likes Received: 0


#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri Jul 21, 2017 4:16 am

You ask a girl out on a date, then another girl, then another girl.

What you are doing is self-handicapping. What that means is you are setting yourself up for failure, making excuses for why you can't meet women that are accessible to you. You tell yourself the women in your country don't like men like yourself, that they are unavailable, that they XYZ excuse. You have a list of reasons why in your country you can't find a woman to date.

With the above story stuck in your head, convinced you can't meet local women, you seek intimacy with a person that lives in another country. You live this fantasy in your head of meeting and falling in love with a person you don't really even know, but in your head she is perfect, she is marvelous, but poor you, she is unavailable. This sets you up to be sad....and why? Because of you and your actions in avoiding local women, establishing real relationships, not social media relationships.

If you want to cope, do so by searching for women that are accessible to you. Join clubs, participate in community activities, etc. Even if you live in a remote area, you can still meet women more accessible then this fantasy you have created.

As you meet local women and begin to socialize with them more and more, the pain of this fantasy will go away.
User avatar
Richard@DecisionSkills
MVP
MVP
 
Posts: 8979
Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2012 2:25 am
Likes Received: 914



Return to Psychology