Struggling with low confidence

Postby m0wgl1 » Mon Jul 24, 2017 1:44 pm

Hey, I am struggling with low confidence. It has resulted in me making some bad decisions as I tend to pick myself up by flirting with other people (and more, but nothing physical). I am married and my partner has never been one to make me feel better about myself (if I'm admiring myself in the mirror he tends to say things like 'oh you love yourself' in a sarcastic and mean way).
I have told him how bad he makes me feel and he's apologised but he is still saying mean things. I usually get my confidence from being really good at my work but work hasn't been great for a few years - I'm on the way to fixing this though.
How else can I make myself feel better????
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#1

Postby darmos653 » Tue Jul 25, 2017 1:10 pm

"How else can I make myself feel better????"

By starting to make a conscious mental effort to focus less on negative aspects of you and your life and deliberately focusing more on the positive things about you, things you've done and so on. Falling into the trap of persistently thinking negatively about yourself and your life is one of the easiest traps to fall into. Climbing back out of it does require a certain amount of dedication and mental effort towards generally thinking more positively about yourself but the rewards are great!

Sooner or later you begin to see more of the actual reality of you - which is only as positive or negative as YOUR mind wants or allows it to be - and also you begin to feel more sure about what's good for you in your life or not as the case may be. If it should emerge that you need a total or at least significant change of circumstances then with a more positive attitude towards yourself you'll find the prospect of making those changes happen in your life exciting rather than frightening or daunting.
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#2

Postby mindtester » Thu Jul 27, 2017 5:49 am

Everyone needs to have their independence, and you need to be able to focus on your own life in order to build up your confidence. I think that focusing on your work and making an effort to improve it is a great idea. If you love what you do and are happy doing it, then channeling your attention into that to improve your confidence and happiness is one of the greatest things I think you could do for yourself. As darmos653 said, positive thinking and staying upbeat about your circumstance is a crucial element to boosting your confidence and bringing you closer to what you want.
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#3

Postby Thefundamentals » Sun Aug 20, 2017 11:02 pm

The decisions you make and the work ou do should not be where you get your confidence from. Your confidence cannot be bases upon an external factor because once that factor is gone, so is yor confidence. That is not real confidence. Real confidence is internal. It is beyond anything external. Confidence is a being not a reaction to something. You need to get out of yor comfort zone in any area where you lack confidence. If you lack confidence in a crowd of people, then you need to expose yourself to a crowd of people more often, survey the room and be okay with being there. He more you expose yourself to what you are afraid of or lack confidence in the more your confidence will grow. You also need to be okay with yourself and accept yourself in order to be confidence in yourself no matter what situation you are in.
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#4

Postby laureat » Mon Aug 21, 2017 12:44 am

you cannot feel good because you have relationship problems

the problem is the manipulation
He say "forgive me" but he doesnt stop attacking your dignity - so you are trapped here on a cycle

Do you have any ideas how to make him seriously stop?
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