(Ex) boyfriend ended it because of mental health problems

Postby Pepper1 » Thu Aug 03, 2017 11:44 pm

Writing this kind of thing is never easy, and it never gets any easier and I am not sure if I am writing this to get advice or to get some kind of reassurance. I just want to know that I am not alone with the way that I am feeling, and there may be someone out there who can shed a bit of light on my situation.

For the last month, my (ex) boyfriend and I have had a very up and down time. It al started when he became distant with me, said he wasn't feeling himself and that he didn't know what was wrong with him. I instantly thought it might have been our relationship and that he wasn't happy with it, but he said he doubted it was anything to do with that. I tried to help him feel better by organising things for us to do and making sure that he was feeling good again.
One weekend when he was here, we hardly spoke, he didn't even act like he wanted to be near me anymore, was almost hard for him to give out any kind of effection. It was so difficult to be with someone and have them there in body but definitely not in spirit. He was honestly the nicest lad I have ever met, and then he just changes into this cold person that I feel like I'd not been out with.

He had opened up and told me something that he had never told anyone before, he told me about his mental health. He had said that back in his first job, he felt like he didn't want to be here anymore, felt like he wasn't worthy of anyone's times and that he wanted to be gone. This was heartbreaking for me to come to terms with. He went on to tell me he needed space, time to think on his own and then to see where we went from there.

A week or so had passed and we were only communicating once in a blue moon, when he said he'd wanted to stay in contact. It was hard for me to not be able to speak to him everyday and when I asked how often he wanted to keep in contact, he said he didn't know and he wasn't sure if he wanted me to leave him be. I had no idea what I was supposed to do. Was I to leave him be or was I to carry on trying to talk to him.

I asked him to meet me so we could maybe talk about it and in all fairnenss to him, he did. I didn't think he was going to, I thought maybe he wouldn't want to. I sat and spoke to him in the car for a while, in hope he would shine some light on the situation. I finally told him that if he wasn't going to let me be there for him, then what was the point, we should maybe end this before it ended itself. The most hurtful thing was, he didn't even put up a fight for any of it. He literally stared straight forward for the whole time, sometimes looked like he was going to cry and breakdown. He has had a breakdown infront of me once before which said a lot.

I wanted him to fight for it so badly, show me how much I meant to him, he never did. He wasn't or isn't letting me be there for him when I want to be. He finally admitted to me that he was suffering with depression and that he had mental health problems, I didn't know how to take it because I'd never been in this position before. He then went on the next day to say that he felt like I 'played down mental health'. I felt like the worst person in the world and still do, I apologised and he said there were no hard feelings but he needed to go about his life and sort things out 1 by 1.

Does that mean that all is lost? I am trying my best to be strong and I have read up so much about depression. I want to be able to help him and I am just feeling useless.

If someone could please just give me some kind of reassurance or help, I would be so appreciative of that because I am struggling so much to cope. I literally feel like I have nowhere else to turn

Thank you
Pepper1
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#1

Postby laureat » Fri Aug 04, 2017 1:57 am

From my experience, i would say never take a strange-answer for an answer

A guy who wants to be with you he is simple, he has no confusion, he says i want to be with you,

A guy who gives you strange answers, means he has no answer, now i dont know why? if he could be confused for a moment, or he may want to run away, or whatsoever is going on the mind, all known is he has no answer, and that is no good either

giving you strange answers that is not good for you, as it doesnt even allow you move forwards with your life, so it can be worse than simply telling you i want to brake up, i want to do something else, someone else, whatsoever
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