Today is pot quit day

Postby Cleanbeginning » Sat Aug 05, 2017 3:13 pm

Hi Everyone,
I have been a daily smoker for many years, very consistently for the last 5 years. I always smoke in the morning and it boggles my mind how I have developed this dependency as well as the number of normal everyday things I did stoned.

I have long known that I need to quit. I am starting a nursing program and they will drug test. Not to mention I won't be able to hold it together at my current level of smoking anyway.

I am 47 and have never adulted without weed. So it's time.

Today was supposed to be my first day clean and I am so tempted to go smoke one last bowl.

Anyway, I am so happy to find this group. <3 <3

Thank you
Cleanbeginning
New Member
 
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Aug 04, 2017 7:40 pm
Likes Received: 11


#1

Postby Cleanbeginning » Sun Aug 06, 2017 12:17 am

So far this is way harder than I thought it would be.

I knew it was deeply ingrained in my behavior but.... wow.

I feel like I had a limb removed.

I keep digging around here reading about the benefits of quitting. That helps.

xoxo
Cleanbeginning
New Member
 
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Aug 04, 2017 7:40 pm
Likes Received: 11

#2

Postby ScottMoore » Sun Aug 06, 2017 12:59 pm

Hi Cleanbeginning, very glad to hear you had the guts to quit. We're close to the same age and I never could muster up enough courage to even try to quit once.
I noticed your still on day one, have you studied up and prepared for what you're in for? Getting blindsided by the unexpected sucks. Lots of good positive threads here, it's helped me tremendously. Most all information your gonna need is in here somewhere I've found although we do run into the unexpected. Some of the veterans have directed me to info, PAWS, vitamins etc on my little thread, check it out if you like. I would encourage you to keep reading here for sure.
Please keep us all posted on how your doing. Writing it all out helps. Ask questions. Rant if you like. It wasn't easy for my first 4 days and I couldn't even post coherently so I wrote it all down on the side till my head came back a little, this helped too.

Hang tuff, you're not alone.
Scott
ScottMoore
Junior Member
 
Posts: 98
Joined: Sat Jul 08, 2017 1:19 am
Likes Received: 40

#3

Postby Cleanbeginning » Mon Aug 07, 2017 12:46 pm

Thank you SO MUCH Scott Moore. I was feeling a little down because no one replied, and was feeling alone in my quit.

Today is day 3. I'm tired. More tired and groggy than I usually am in the morning.

A little over 4 years ago, my mom died of cancer. I took care of her for 10 months. At the time I was married and homeschooling. But my marriage was over. Three months after she died I asked my husband for a divorce. He moved out 6 months later, then my brother died of a methadone overdose 6 weeks after that.

Other little losses piled, like my financial security, my standard of living, my 4 year job at a local chiropractor's office, homeschooling as my kids went back to public school.

When my mom was sick and living with us is when my daily pot habit reached it's high point (haha). I became more than an every day smoker, I became an every morning smoker. And that's where I stayed.

Most mornings I smoked a few hits before doing anything. I would have a few more hits in the afternoon sometime, and sometimes but not always in the early evening.

I wanted to quit but instead I accidentally got addicted to smoking cigarettes. I quit cigarettes about 50 times, and ended up smoking for 2+ years before successfully quitting this year on June 3. So I quit pot on my 2 month anniversary of quitting cigarettes.

I started getting better weed a few summers ago, so the anxiety and panic it used to cause sometimes went away. I realize it numbed my emotions. I have been depressed for a long time, probably 5 years with a brief high following my decision to leave my marriage.

But pot also made me confused. It took me so long just to get ready to leave the house. If you could see my house right now, it looks like the home of someone who cannot keep up with it. My room is a mess, my basement is a mess. I may be a slight ADHD personality, and the pot made it a lot worse I think.

Negative things about Pot I won't miss:

- Talking with my kids and forgetting something they just said or said the other day and looking like an airhead.

- Short term memory loss in general. Fact is, when you have short term memory loss for a long time, it becomes long term memory loss in a way. Because there are a lot of memories my kids mention that I have absolutely no recollection of.

- Not being able to complete and follow through on tasks (I really hope this improves)

- Not wanting to go out and run errands

- Always scrambling to get ready for things at the last minute, always feeling like I am chasing my tail even though I've left what I think is plenty of time to get ready.

- Sounding dumb in conversations with people. Doing and saying airhead things. I have always laughed it off but my good friend my a joke about me having a chaotic life the other day. I do not want to have or give the impression that I have a chaotic life.

- No more damaging my lungs.

- no more being afraid to feel and be present in the moment, no more needing to alter my consciousness.

I am having surgery a week from today and I am so afraid because I will not be able to exercise. I exercise a lot. I will need to gather other tools and methods. I know music, comedy shows, writing and meditating will be up there. Maybe also putting around the house and decluttering and studying getting ready for nursing school. There is no lack of things for me to do which is part of why I get so stressed out. LOL.

Thank you for reading (if anyone did.. haha).

Happy Monday!
Cleanbeginning
New Member
 
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Aug 04, 2017 7:40 pm
Likes Received: 11

#4

Postby Cleanbeginning » Mon Aug 07, 2017 6:43 pm

Day 3 withdrawal symptom: nausea
Cleanbeginning
New Member
 
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Aug 04, 2017 7:40 pm
Likes Received: 11

#5

Postby ScottMoore » Mon Aug 07, 2017 7:05 pm

Hey,
Ahh don't think that no one is reading, they do. I've noticed that some days are slower than others, probably some weeks too. I've developed some friends here who I can relate to pretty well, I'm sure you will as too. When I started here I didn't expect much from it but that hasn't been the case. Just writing it out has been a big help for me, especially as we hit the unexpected.

Seems like what your goin through is pretty normal. Just try not to get overwhelmed with everything as it all starts to renew. I've learned the value in stepping back and taking a pause when I need to. I know I can't fix it all, all at once, even though it's slamming my brain like never before that ALL these life problems are gonna have to be addressed and need to be fixed. We've just suppressed them. I'm on week three and entering some kind of emotional overload that I haven't quite got a hold on yet. It's new and something I'm just gonna have to learn to sort out. I've noticed that this is a new kind of trigger where I think I want to smoke to turn down all the background noise of unfinished thoughts and problems as I try to address them one at a time.

I think a really big thing is not to be hard on yourself. It's all gonna seem new and overwhelming so take time. Take time to enjoy what you can. Take time to deal with things as you need to. We've spent a lot of time turning it off. Now it's gonna be on all the time, possibly even when you're trying to sleep. Rewarding yourself is gonna be a key issue in my opinion. Our noggins are looking for rewards now more than ever so give it what it needs, just make sure it's for the right reasons like reaching a date or little accomplishments etc. Got to train that brain. It's gonna go where your words and actions take it. Let it know that it's not gonna get its little fix from pot anymore. Make it understand that it's going to have to get it elsewhere now. Rewarding yourself in the beginning is like helping the baby take first steps along I think. Getting over the humps in the beginning is not a small thing. It's hard. Take note of accomplishments and trials as you go through them. Building good habits now is a good thing.
I try to dwell on ways to improve my ability to conquer this crap. I think if you do this for yourself you'll find a better way to help yourself as we're all different and need different things to succeed, even though everyone's process is sort of similar. If you do find something that works for you please post it. Remember, the things you write are helping others as well.
It won't be long at all when you will be able to look back at what you've written to see how far you've come.

Just realize that what your going through, others have as well. It seems you have a pretty healthy start on it. Keep it up and keep posting. We're here and listening.

Scott
ScottMoore
Junior Member
 
Posts: 98
Joined: Sat Jul 08, 2017 1:19 am
Likes Received: 40

#6

Postby gsaint28 » Tue Aug 08, 2017 5:43 am

Hi there,

Adjusting to a non-weed life is a process, and what you're experiencing is part of that process. AKA what you're going through is normal and expected.

Smoking every day, for X years, is like being on one long donkey trip. Then, what we "addicted" or "dependent" pot smokers experiences when we quit is the super massive come down of that X year trip, lol.

Hey, what can we expect? Our brains and bodies were on THC nearly 24/7 for YEARS!!! It damn near became part of our blood system!

Your body and mind will adjust eventually.
gsaint28
Full Member
 
Posts: 177
Joined: Mon Aug 20, 2012 2:15 am
Likes Received: 42

#7

Postby Zanoni » Tue Aug 08, 2017 12:56 pm

Smoke some weed and forget about it!
User avatar
Zanoni
Preferred Member
 
Posts: 400
Joined: Mon May 08, 2017 8:22 am
Likes Received: 6

#8

Postby Cleanbeginning » Tue Aug 08, 2017 2:36 pm

Thanks Gsaint28 and ScottMoore so much. Zanoni really? Wow, get a life.

Anyway...

So much wisdom Scott. All great points and food for thought. Rewards are important I agree. Why do so many of us gravitate to self-destructive rewards, is a question I often ask myself. :)

I will continue to post. Yesterday was so hard. Today feels better so far. I do love the idea that I am making this ONE change that will GLOBALLY improve so many things in my life. There will be suffering but hey, there is no growth without suffering. Bring it. :)

xoxo Kris
Cleanbeginning
New Member
 
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Aug 04, 2017 7:40 pm
Likes Received: 11

#9

Postby naturegirl » Tue Aug 08, 2017 11:52 pm

Hope you are well! This is not an easy journey. I'm proud that you are taking this step. I have found this place to be a small community of friends who are all here to support one another. Scott, gave some great advice. It's going to be a struggle, but It's comforting to know that you have a place to vent. I feel that it helps to get those thoughts down and let them go. I hope you are well. Stay strong my friend!
naturegirl
Full Member
 
Posts: 115
Joined: Sun Jul 09, 2017 5:41 pm
Likes Received: 34

#10

Postby sunshine24 » Wed Aug 09, 2017 11:48 am

First off, I saw a post where you said you felt bad that no one answered. I can maybe tell you at least one reason I think behind it, at least for me. I see a lot of day 1 posts, in fact, majority of posts are day 1, day 2. And, most of those posts last 3-4 days with autor never returning. And we all know what that means. So as much as it saddens you that no one answers, just try to look at some posts on this, and some other quitting forums, and you will see how discouraging it can be to a commited quitter. You see all those people that want to start, but fail, and you think to yourself, well, if they all failed, maybe I am hopeless too. I think you see where I'm getting at. So I just don't feel like posting on day 1-2 threads, because I am not sure in their commitment. Its been about a month for me, and I'm not even sure for myself, but I'm still going strong. :) Plus, there really a lot of those day ones so its hard to pick where to post even if I had hope for that person, so I mostly ignore them... :/

Also, for the guy "zanoni", I urge you to report his post, I think it is done when you press "!" mark above the post. Obvious troll, and I hope he will get banned for this. You just don't go to addiction forum to troll people, its a hard time for us and even small thing can make our day harder, and make us really miserable.
And just to get you a perspective of his profile, here is some of his posts on his "journal" lol

08 May 2017
I cleaned the house. Went to bed around 9pm and dreamed about suicide.
10 May 2017
Currently at work. I had a dream about suicide.
same day, another post
I want to die. That is the feeling I have.
I have no family or friends.
2 days later
I don't have anything to live for. I have no reason to be alive. I've nothing real to say about my life.

Small wonder he has no friends with that attitude, didn't bother to read the rest since its obvious he made no improvement for himself other than starting to troll more forums, but I never wished more for someones dreams to come true. Crossing my fingers for him. :D
sunshine24
New Member
 
Posts: 17
Joined: Sun Jul 23, 2017 11:08 am
Likes Received: 8

#11

Postby Cleanbeginning » Wed Aug 09, 2017 1:22 pm

Hi Everyone,
I posted last night on my phone but lost it, and didn't have the energy to repost. Then I realized I may have bed bugs and spent the next three hours stripping everything out of my bedroom! Followed by sleeping in the living room and then having my teenage boys wake me up at 4 a.m. having a huge fight over absolutely nothing. Hahaha!

Thank you sunshine24. Now I feel bad that I told Zanoni to get a life. :( And extremely valid points about short timers posting about their first days.... Congrats on one month! And thank you Nature Girl. I have read a lot of your posts and Scott Moore's and they have been very helpful to me.

So yesterday I shared a few positive things I noticed. Two days ago, I did an errand that I had been putting off for 3 YEARS. LOL! I had to return a bag of shoes my sister borrowed around my brother's funeral. NO IDEA why I didn't do it sooner.

And yesterday around 6:30 pm I was watching a show with my son and realized my dog was out of her itch medicine. The stoned me would have noted that and said call the vet in the morning. But instead I called the vet the second I noticed, and suprisingly they were open and could have the script ready before their 7:30 pm close. So even though I had to drive to another town in the opposite direction to pick up my other son, I made it to pick up the script last night. And it was no big deal.

I know these two examples may sound weird to some but I had become so mentally disorganized that those two simple tasks are the kind that continued to pile up and make my life disorganized.

I had become the kind of person who needed to smoke in order to do literally anything. Even study microbiology. Seriously, WTF.

Today is day 5. It was supposed to be my last summer day with my kids before major surgery Monday and then nursing school in less than a month. And instead I am going to be figuring out how to rid my bedroom of bedbugs. Wish me luck. :(

Kris
Cleanbeginning
New Member
 
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Aug 04, 2017 7:40 pm
Likes Received: 11

#12

Postby naturegirl » Wed Aug 09, 2017 3:10 pm

Ugh Kris, What a giant bummer! But hey, I think it's important for us to be in stressful situations. It small practice for those big moments. I feel like I've used stress as my excuse to smoke. I have to learn how to deal with life head on instead of smoking away my problems. Besides, it feels good to clean, clean, clean. It's important to make your home a comfortable place. I like that you are recognizing the small changes. If we don't focus on those small things in life, we will set ourselves up for failure. So, good luck on your surgery on Monday. I hope its nothing serious! I know that can be a scary thing to have to face. Stay strong! This journey is a tough one, but this forum helps. It's helping me a lot. I hope you have a good day! And proud of you that you are staying sober!
naturegirl
Full Member
 
Posts: 115
Joined: Sun Jul 09, 2017 5:41 pm
Likes Received: 34

#13

Postby Cleanbeginning » Thu Aug 10, 2017 1:04 pm

thank you Naturgirl. :)

Yesterday I spent the entire day clearing my bedroom and trying to rid it of bedbugs. I do not know if I have them elsewhere in the house, so far I am the only one with bites.

So far I am noticing that I am more productive, which I predicted! Lol. Yesterday was also the first day in a LONG time that I did not cry. There is something to be said for hard work! I took the kids to the beach yesterday late afternoon/evening, and it was really fun.

I am so much more present. I think my short term memory will improve right away simply because of that.

I know this will be hard but right now it feels pretty darned good.

xoxo,
Kris
Cleanbeginning
New Member
 
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Aug 04, 2017 7:40 pm
Likes Received: 11

#14

Postby naturegirl » Thu Aug 10, 2017 2:29 pm

Right on Kris,
I'm so glad that you're hanging out with your kids. Going to the beach and spending the day with them and creating those memories is the best thing that you can do for yourself and them.

Also, I hear you on the crying thing. I think it's an emotional release. Honestly, quitting smoking is like losing someone in your life. I have to go and relook up the stages of grief, but I have to say I feel like I'm going through those stages. I know that I've had anger. I've had denial. I've had so many things that have made this process difficult. But I think what is important is to focus on your health and soul. To remind yourself that in the long run, you will become a better person. I know being in your forties that life starts to change a lot for us. It's a time of self reflection. It's a time to rejuvenate ourselves and to embrace the time that we have left on this planet. Keep it up!

Yes, there will be those hard days. That's when you get on the computer and write your thoughts out and don't choose the easy way out!

I hope you have another good day and keep up that hard work! I love knowing that there are other people who are going through this journey. It makes it easier for me.
Cheers, Heather!
naturegirl
Full Member
 
Posts: 115
Joined: Sun Jul 09, 2017 5:41 pm
Likes Received: 34


Next

  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to Addictions