Being Alone

Postby InternetIntrovert » Mon Aug 07, 2017 7:10 pm

Now, I don't know if this goes here but I need help.
I am a 14 year old, young adult? I don't know, anyways, I was recently yelled at for being alone all the time. They say when I was younger I was extremely outgoing, trying to be the center of attention and making new friends. But once I entered 6th I got extremely lonely for no reason. I don't go over anyone's house any more. I have three friends out of the twenty I had before. It is at the point where I am beginning to hate my self. I always think bad of myself for no reason, I just... Do it. I will think stuff like "You are worthless." or "You are fat." Or something along those lines. Every once in a while I will think something darker of myself. There were times where I had successfully made myself have a mental breakdown. And the thoughts are spontaneous. These thoughts have caused me to stay away from people in the fear that they see what I see of myself. and yet I get yelled at for it. It just makes me feel worse every time I do. Why am I like this?
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue Aug 08, 2017 7:46 am

InternetIntrovert says it all. Get off the Internet. Disconnect and you can begin to slowly heal. I understand it is not easy. We are all so reliant on being connected, but when it begins to negatively impact your life it is time to make a change.

Like any other habit or discipline it requires commitment and engaging in new, healthier activities. Disconnect and replace with real life activities, face to face friendships.
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#2

Postby Livetowin » Thu Aug 10, 2017 1:46 pm

At 14 your body and mind are far from being fully developed. But it's never too early or too late to start working on some guidelines to life. Two rules I encourage you to embrace - 1) I only control myself and 2) I don't let others define me. Let's start with your friends.

Okay so you had something like twenty "friends" when you were a bit younger. Where are they now? Are they coming to check on you or off partying and being fake with other people? I would rather have a few very good friends I can count on than twenty fake friends that don't ever notice me anyway. You're assessing that backwards. You're applying a black mark against yourself instead of placing it on them. What you need to do is forget about them. Be YOU instead of fading into the herd of faceless sheep.

In terms of body image, it's difficult to know what the truth is versus what your inner eye sees because it defers to this idea that you are insufficient. So maybe your perspective on that is skewed wrong as well. But for argument sake lets say your vision is right. You're carrying too much body weight. There's a cure for that. Start eating right and exercise. Stay off the computer and games and get out and walk and get involved in physical activity. Sylvester Stallone did not wake up with six pack abs. Neither will you. And Stallone would actually go as far as to say it's miserable keeping six pack abs so don't let your ideas of fitness go too far. Be a person, not a stereotype.

But more important than anything, understand YOU DO COUNT. But what you don't understand yet is you think you need a popularity vote to get you there. You don't. You know how many of those people you need? ZERO. An identity and sense of confidence comes from believing in yourself. How are you confident when you listen to other people tell you what you are? Answer: You're not. That's called being someone's puppet.

YOU decide what you like. Don't follow people around because you feel like you need their approval. You like what you like and if they don't like you for it, be rid of them. Take out the trash with the fake friends who want to judge you. And if all of this comes across as a new approach to you and you wonder if it's right, think about it another way. How can you know what is good or bad if you don't first define those terms for yourself? Quit worrying about other people and their goofy comments. Stay off social media. That's where the herd flocks.

Now is the time to work on YOU. If you want to improve yourself in areas, then do it. But do it because you want to, not because you're wanting attention from someone. Quit thinking bad about yourself. There's NOTHING wrong with you. Start setting goals and make them small ones. As you accomplish each one you will begin to build confidence. And remember confidence comes through demonstrated ability. Take control and you will soon learn that only you control your future. Dump the naysayers and fake friends. Work on your best friend which is YOU. Once you get there, then you can start looking for people who can stand with you rather than against you. All my best.
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#3

Postby InternetIntrovert » Thu Aug 10, 2017 11:07 pm

Thank you. I hope you have a wonderful day. I will take both of your advice.
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