Sibling Problems

Postby Laykaers » Fri Aug 18, 2017 8:23 am

I believe that part of my life is obtaining or doing what makes me happy. I am not there yet. I still look up to my older brother. When he's not around, I am 100% myself. I own the house, and I sing while I shower without having the thought of being embarrassed. But when he's around, I step down and give him the throne. Basically, I trust him to make the right decisions for me and anyone else. I lose confidence in myself when he's around. I'm starting to question all this as I grow up. I will sound jealous. My brother is very social, and he helps people in a "graceful" manner. Most people seem to enjoy his company. By nature, I enjoy talking to people. But I lose out on the chance to talk to people. In social situations, I give my brother the wheel, so that I don't embarrass myself. Honestly, my brother's graceful way of interacting and socializing with people does not seem genuine to me. He does not talk and interact with me the same way he does with other people. I understand that "I'm his brother." Still, seeing him the way he talks and interacts with other people makes me feel that, that is not him, especially when he does not talk to me the same way. I feel excluded by him. He often seems more excited about other people's lives, rather than mine. I could do anything to my life and he wouldn't have a single care. He has never asked me what my plans are for my life or any sensitive questions, such as questions about my love life. I'm all in for those questions. I would answer them the instant I am asked. It's probably the way I talk. I like to give short answers that are right to the point. I don't have much to say. So, it seems as if I'm not interested in conversation. But I really want to talk, especially to anyone. Since I feel so excluded from my brother, I wish I had time apart from him so that I can grow up. My life is not too exciting, but I'm about to have a damn good year. Things seem to be going my way now, but I'm going to be stuck with my brother for awhile. He should be moving out of the house soon, but it seems he'll be here for awhile. I want to make it to medical school, and give my patients the most genuine care/treatment that I could possibly give. I want to truly help people more than my brother could ever do. But having him here with me for these next few years could possibly break my confidence. I'm not sure what to do here. Sorry about this essay, but I hope I gave you all an idea of what I'm going through.
Laykaers
New Member
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Fri Aug 18, 2017 7:04 am
Likes Received: 0


#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri Aug 18, 2017 10:31 am

Laykaers wrote: I want to make it to medical school, and give my patients the most genuine care/treatment that I could possibly give. I want to truly help people more than my brother could ever do. But having him here with me for these next few years could possibly break my confidence. I'm not sure what to do here.


The first thing you need to do is to stop competing with your brother.

The second thing to do is to stop blaming your brother for who you are or who you will or want to be.

Your brother doesn't stop you from singing in the shower. You do.
Your brother doesn't stop you from getting into medical school. You do.

You are setting yourself up to say, "I coulda been great, except for my darn brother." You become uncomfortable around your brother and that is on you, not him. And one day you will meet other people that you are uncomfortable around. Will you also blame them for whatever struggles you face? What if instead of your brother, the head surgeon doesn't talk to you how you like and is great with patients, but not how you like. The head surgeon makes you feel uncomfortable. Will it be the fault of the head surgeon you don't get past residency?

You are responsible for you, no one else.

I recommend you start setting small goals to build your confidence. Challenge yourself to get out of your comfort zone. Start with the small goal of singing in the shower. That is an easy one to focus in on and conquer.
User avatar
Richard@DecisionSkills
MVP
MVP
 
Posts: 8841
Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2012 2:25 am
Likes Received: 898

#2

Postby Thefundamentals » Fri Aug 18, 2017 8:20 pm

I think Richard's response is accurate, not a troll.
Thefundamentals
New Member
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Wed Aug 09, 2017 8:06 pm
Likes Received: 0



  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to Self Esteem & Confidence