Utterly Depressed After Quitting Weed

Postby Lightman » Wed Sep 06, 2017 12:55 pm

Hi,

I wanted to share my situation in hopes that it will offer me some relief. I am on my 17th day of not smoking pot.

Since my early teens I have experienced severe bouts of depression and anxiety. At about 18 I discovered alcohol and started drinking every single day. Booze had a destructive influence on my life and I dropped the habit several years later. Throughout the years I only drank a couple times, always regretting it afterwards. The smell and the taste of it makes me sick, as it reminds me of how pathetic I was, but sometimes, if something very bad happens, I begin to crave it as a form of escape.

I also tried every form of psychiatric medicine available. I don't think they ever brought any relief and, because I did not like the thought of using something like that for years without really knowing how it affects by brain, I dropped that as well. One of the worst experiences in my life was taking some new drug that made me completely restless. The only thing that I could do was lie in bed. The memory makes me shudder.

After alcohol I started using weed, which I have been doing for over 5 years. During this period I have had many happy times and up until recently, though I still had anxiety, my depression was seemingly cured. I would become depressed only if there was something to be actually depressed about. I also discovered spirituality, so perhaps that contributed as well.

I noticed, however, that weed was not giving me the same effect that I came to expect. Instead of being able to relax, after smoking, I would just ruminate over the day, become anxious and sometimes have panic attacks. For the last 2 years I have also been having ridiculous, non-sensical and fearful thoughts that something is wrong or something terrible might happen. Pot was also sucking too much money from me and I did not really do anything with my life. I wanted to have a fulfilling, happy life full of achievements, and so I quit 17 days ago.

The first 2 weeks were fine, even though I suffered from stomach problems, insomnia and lack of appetite. Surprisingly, I was not bothered by any terrible dreams and nor do I really have had any cravings. With all of the time and money that I had, I started to do things that I really wanted to do. My motivation was strong and I was optimistic.

On the 13th day, however, I experienced the blackest feeling of despair that I have not known for years. I sought escape, found none, and went and bought myself a beer. I took a few gulps, became disgusted at myself and threw it out. My mood improved but since that day I have been having long episodes of terrible depression combined with the above mentioned obsessive thoughts.

It's the 17th day and I am very sad. I feel like I am back to when I was when I just begun my journey of addiction. I keep thinking that perhaps there was a real reason for why I used weed. I really, really do not want to take anything as a substitute, so I will not visit any psychiatrists, whom i generally consider, perhaps falsely, as quacks.

So that's it. I want to be a better person. I want to have achievements in my life and I am tired of having to depend on my happiness on some foreign substance. I guess I will tire myself out through excercise, read voraciously, pray and meditate and just hope that I might have a semblence of a normal life. It bothers me though that it has been more than 2 weeks and usually it said that this is the worse period, but for me it became more difficult after 2 weeks.

If anyone would like to add any words of encouregement or if you have gone through a similar situation, I would be grateful for a reply.
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#1

Postby colinberry1 » Wed Sep 06, 2017 4:27 pm

How are you managing without the puff, I myself always wanted to experience Ayahuasca, there is a lot written about it, sounds very interesting knowledge to be gained. I'm all for extraordinary knowledge to be gained. I don't know which country you are from, just have to watch it, if you're in the wrong country. don't forget we are all slaves to the system.
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#2

Postby Lightman » Wed Sep 06, 2017 7:17 pm

Thanks for your reply, colinberry1. I am doing alright at the moment. I was afraid of boredom perhaps the most, but turns out it's not a big problem. In the first days I was unable to watch anything or play any computer games and found that only reading helped me focus. Now I can play the games and just surf around the web for entertainment, which I am thankful for. Honestly, I found quitting to be a lot easier than I thought it would be. I tried to do it about 2.5 years ago, but failed miserably and kept craving the stuff. I didn't have my heart in it at that time, unlike now.

I would absolutely love to try Ayahuasca. I mentioned it to my dealer once but he did not have it unfortunately. Don't think anyone really has it here, but you are entirely right. We are indeed slaves but fortunately I see more and more people awakening to this truth. As soon as there will be more people aware of this than those who are asleep, it's game over for our "masters".

My moods keep fluctuating, going from despair to optimism. Generally I find that during the evenings I feel fine, but the mornings and days are hard. At this time I feel pretty good, though I am still bothered by anxiety. Guess I will try this "nofap" as it seems to be effective.
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#3

Postby colinberry1 » Wed Sep 06, 2017 10:45 pm

Hi Lightman so pleased to hear that everything is going well for you, as for the Ayahuasca I was planning to go to Peru, but unfortunately it wasn't to be. but who knows I never give up, now I can only hope. Terence McKenna is the guy that you want to read about all those sort of dimensions. was very please when I came across him someone that thought the way I do.
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#4

Postby Lightman » Sun Sep 10, 2017 2:52 pm

It's now the 21st day, 3 weeks! I am determined more than ever to to quit for good. Unfortunately, people like me cannot enjoy a drink or a bowl every now and then, but I just have to deal with it. There's much worst things in life than an addictive personality.

The good:

1. I can enjoy a good book, a game or just randomly surf the web without feeling bored at all. Previously, I HAD to smoke before doing anything entertaining. With pot, I could enjoy myself only for about 40 minutes, max one hour, before becoming restless and needing another dose. Now, I can do it for hours and frequently lose track of time.

2. My stomach seems to be normalizing. The endless diarrhea looks to be over.

3. Hunger seems to be slowly coming back. I am an extremely picky eater and dislike meat, so the lack of appetite was the worst side effect. Hope this will get even better over time.

4. Spent 4 - 5 hours together with my mom. Before, I would just want to escape to my precious weed. I had a pretty awesome time, something that I didn't think would ever be possible. My mom is also very proud of me and it warms my heart.

5. I feel like I can do anything I put my mind to. When I used to dream, weed always had a place. For example, I would dream of once owning a house, but would imagine myself smoking a joint on the veranda.

It's my 5th or so day of nofap as well. I'm becoming tempted when I just see a picture of a girl, but such thoughts are a walk in a park compared to dropping pot. Think I can handle this without much trouble and plus, I would definitely want to see what happens next.

6. Finally getting dreams after 2 weeks. At first, since I didn't get anything after several days, I thought that my brain or sleep cycle must be seriously messed up. Didn't get any horrible nightmares except 1, just some regular, depressing dreams. Had a sci-fi dream also!. Every night I go to sleep in wonder as to what I will I see and what insights I will uncover.

7. I now have a lot more money than I used to and I am spending it on things that make me happy. My income is relatively OK, but I was always short on cash. Before I quit, it was my plan to spend money only on the bare essentials for two months just so I could normalize my budget.

The bad:

1. Still getting very dark depressive episodes, anxiety attacks and anxious, obsessive thoughts. Yesterday was a pretty bad day, but at least I know that the mood will change. The mood fluctuates several time each day, but it's not like the constant depression that I had as a teenager. I also get very positive, optimistic moods too.

2. Have difficulty sleeping. However, this may because of the anxiety and the never-ending construction work. I have to wake up at 8 AM sharp, since that is when the racket stars. It's causing me stress to know if I don't go to sleep before 1 AM, I won't be able to get any decent sleep and nor will I be able to take a nap. However, I haven't had any all nighters for some time, where after a difficult day at work, I would essentially have to pull a double shift with zero sleep.

All in all I have very happy with my progress. Hopefully there won't be a crisis of some kind and I am confident that I will start taking steps towards fulfilling my dreams.
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#5

Postby Willymammoth222 » Mon Sep 11, 2017 12:05 am

Lightman wrote:Thanks for your reply, colinberry1. I am doing alright at the moment. I was afraid of boredom perhaps the most, but turns out it's not a big problem. In the first days I was unable to watch anything or play any computer games and found that only reading helped me focus. Now I can play the games and just surf around the web for entertainment, which I am thankful for. Honestly, I found quitting to be a lot easier than I thought it would be. I tried to do it about 2.5 years ago, but failed miserably and kept craving the stuff. I didn't have my heart in it at that time, unlike now.

I would absolutely love to try Ayahuasca. I mentioned it to my dealer once but he did not have it unfortunately. Don't think anyone really has it here, but you are entirely right. We are indeed slaves but fortunately I see more and more people awakening to this truth. As soon as there will be more people aware of this than those who are asleep, it's game over for our "masters".

My moods keep fluctuating, going from despair to optimism. Generally I find that during the evenings I feel fine, but the mornings and days are hard. At this time I feel pretty good, though I am still bothered by anxiety. Guess I will try this "nofap" as it seems to be effective.

Look at local health and seeds stores, I know where I ilve they sell ayuhasca in them. Also megadoses of vitamin c, ginger tea, 5htp,Gaba,Taurine, Sam-e and l-tyrosine work wonders and should help restore neurotransmitters. I have some Lithium orotate coming in the mail this week which Ive heard can knock out weed withdrawals in 3-5 days. When it arrives and I test the product I'll tell you the results.
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#6

Postby colinberry1 » Tue Sep 12, 2017 7:59 pm

Well you have some interesting health and seed stores where you live, I get all my stuff on Amazon. they don't have nothing like that on their, I suppose you can't post a link on here.
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#7

Postby Willymammoth222 » Fri Sep 15, 2017 9:59 pm

colinberry1 wrote:Well you have some interesting health and seed stores where you live, I get all my stuff on Amazon. they don't have nothing like that on their, I suppose you can't post a link on here.


I have been using lithium orotate which happends to be a nutrient a couple days now and can say that it definitely works better then any other supplement I have used so far. My brain fog has been lifted significantly, improvements in my concentration and mood have been noted, aswell as my anxiety almost being gone, and my recollection for words has greatly increased. I purchased nci advanced forumla from amazon , this is something that will greatly help you I almost want to swear by it plus its also a brain rebuilder. I have tried every supplement for weed withdrawal and this is the only thing that seems to work purchase this if you can.
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#8

Postby Lightman » Mon Sep 18, 2017 10:00 pm

The 4th week has come and gone. Went through some seriously dark days where I could not muster the willpower to do much of anything, besides resist the temptation of booze and pot.

Woke up one day and realized that I was bitten by some bug that left several huge blisters. Then went to my computer only to find out that it's completely infected by viruses and trojans. I was thinking that a "normal" person would handle the situation with calm, knowing that it's not serious and will get resolved. I, however, started to panic. As I was at emergency, the mood flipped again and I experienced a surprising relaxing calm while waiting for hours there.

Then I lifted weights to such as extent that something tore up. Couldn't even sit without pain and discomfort, let alone take a walk without my donkey, groin and back screaming. Kind of a bummer as excerscise is so essential in these times. Again I panicked as I thought it might be a hernia or something, but it went away.

I am happy to say that I haven't had the crazy, obsessive thoughts, though, such as body dysmoprhia, which I have been dealing with for more than a year. My confidence is also much higher and my motiviation is high; social anxiety seems to have been lowered considerably. I am the most happiest at the fact that I don't have the nagging feeling at the back of my skull that I'm wasting my life.

I asked someone for a Xanax, as I had to get up early. When I got home I immediately wanted to take it, even though it was early. I realized then that there is no way I can have any drugs of any kind in my vicinity ever again. The only way to deal with bad moods and thoughts is the hard way. At least I have a purpose to get better, to try harder and to force myself to take the higher path. Took me years of wasted life to learn this.
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