Trying and failing for almost 12 months...

Postby EdenG » Sat Sep 09, 2017 10:05 am

Hey all,

My name is Eden, I'm a 27 year old, female, Australian, daily marijuana smoker. I have a full time job as a Graphic Designer and I'm highly functioning. I suffer with depression and anxiety and my parents split when I was 7 and divorced when I was 8. I have very low self esteem and self worth, but I'm trying to work on that.

About 12 months ago I decided I really need to quit smoking marijuana so often as I've found I have no motivation to live my life. All I seem to want to do with my down time is smoke. I don't want to miss out on having a life and experiencing things with loved ones.
I've been using marijuana daily for about 3-4 years, it was mainly joints and then in the last 12-18 months have moved to bongs. Marijuana seemed to be my crutch for getting through tough/stressful times when things in my life weren't going so well. It's also a feeling I just really enjoy and it helps me to escape my brain. My ever thinking, ever turning, brain. It's nice to not think sometimes...

I started my quitting process with quitting cigarettes, which was surprisingly easy after 10 years of smoking them. I had a chest infection and it hurt to even THINK about cigarettes so I put them down. I've not smoked cigarettes for 13 months now. However, I do still mix tobacco with marijuana so I know the chemical addiction to nicotine is still there.
Over the last 12 months I've tried cold turkey to quit smoking marijuana so many times I don't even think I could count. I've also tried cutting back, but I'm not very good at it and don't have much self control it seems. I need to just give it up. I've been to my GP and my psychologist and have been prescribed Valium for my anxiety as when I'm quitting my anxiety seems to get so much worse.

As I type this, it's been almost 24 hours since I last smoked marijuana, but I've got a friend coming around soon with enough for a few cones. It's now 8pm and since I woke at 11am I've been feeling so insanely flat. I've cried for a lot of the day and I'm feeling like life isn't much worth living. I'm feeling very lonely. I have hardly gotten out of bed except to feed my cat and have a shower. I hate that the first week of not smoking marijuana is the hardest (in my previous experience) and I hate that my depression gets so much worse in the first week. I understand why, but I hate it.

Typing this has made me feel a little more relaxed. I don't know, maybe having support from people who know what I'm going through will help? Even just people to talk to who understand and tell me they understand what I'm going through...

I feel like this post has been about nothing and I don't know if it's very well put together, buuut, I'm out of things to say and just needed to get that off my chest.

I look forward to hearing from people who understand what I'm going through and having conversations with people who actually care...
EdenG
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#1

Postby Wave » Sat Sep 09, 2017 10:40 am

Hi,

Firstly well done for making the choice that you are done with weed. It has taken me many attempts to be not tempted, and it is a slow process.

Couple of things I would suggest from what you said:
- Dont mix- for the last two years I only smoked in a bong or vaped, cigs and weed is harder to quit than just weed. Also, when you want nicotine you will end up smoking weed.
- Try not be around people who have weed, as at least for me, this was the cause of a lot of failure. Avoiding it has helped me no end.
- Keep posting, I genuinely dont think I could have quit without this forum, its so helpful in an anonymous type way to share and be very open, and not get judged. We are all here due to an addiction and saying how you feel (as you said in your post) really helps.

What I would say is there is never a magic point when smoking weed wont happen again, I know I could smoke today, but though quitting and failing so many time I eventually got so sick of the rollercoster.

Ideas to help:
- Try a new hobbie?
- Exercise: I love exercising and found it so hard when I was using weed, running, cycling, gym, long walks, anything to replace "weed smoking dead time".

Any help I can give you please PM or stick on here and I or the many other great people here can help!
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#2

Postby EdenG » Sat Sep 09, 2017 10:57 am

Thankyou so so much for replying Wave! I did not expect a reply because I usually feel like my posts on forums must be invisible or that no one cares. It's really nice to get a reply.

You're 100% right, I shouldn't be around friends who have weed; I feel like I am going to have to avoid weed like the plague for at least a few months.
As for not mixing, wow, I couldn't imagine smoking a green cone, would probably blow my head off hahaha (not sure what country you're from, but Aussie's typically mix - at least a little bit). That's why I think I really just need to quit weed (and the tobacco I mix it with) cold turkey.

It really does help to hear that others have tried and failed before me; I'm not the only one struggling. I'm not the only one who loves marijuana, but doesn't love the effects it has on their life.

I've definitely got to get back into exercise! Spring has just sprung and as the days get "longer" it'll be easier to get out there and get motivated to exercise! That's another big problem, the lack of motivation to do anything...

Again, thankyou for taking the time to read and reply to my post.

Much love
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#3

Postby Wave » Sat Sep 09, 2017 11:33 am

Yea where I am the norm in to smoke with tobacco. Just putting less weed in and smaller bongs is a good first step (obviously quitting long term in better). I found the times I was heavy using were harder to go cold turkey.

Don't worry about people not replying, its a great forum but sometimes is very quiet. In my current quit journal there are 2-3 posts of me updating and no replies. For me this is fine as like to go back and ready them and see how far I have come.

Yea the exercise is tough as first but before long you can make it part of your routine.

Hang in there!
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#4

Postby EdenG » Sat Sep 09, 2017 1:21 pm

Yeah I've been trying to put less and less tobacco with it, as I don't really enjoy tobacco =)

That's reassuring to hear about the forum sometimes being quiet and not to worry about not getting replies. Thanks Wave!

Hope you're having a good weekend =)
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#5

Postby DeannaDuarte » Sun Sep 10, 2017 4:29 am

Well done EdenG, you have decided to quit smoking. I am happy for you. Have you tried taking any consultation for depression and anxiety.
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#6

Postby EdenG » Sun Sep 10, 2017 6:21 am

Thanks heaps Deanna!
Yes, I am currently on antidepressants that help to target my anxiety and I'm working with my GP and Psychologist on it :)
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#7

Postby laureat » Tue Sep 12, 2017 12:54 am

running away from life is no option:
Running away only makes it worse and worse

It is the moment when you face life you start to see how easy life is and you wonder why have you run away before

Life is so easy: its like you simply stand up and go take a glass of watter and you simply drink it: and there you have the success:

It only becomes difficult when you try run away: and you have billions of thoughts so much of frustration why didnt you do this or that,
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#8

Postby JoeBloggs » Thu Sep 14, 2017 9:45 pm

How's it going Eden?
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#9

Postby EdenG » Sat Nov 11, 2017 5:14 pm

Hey JoeBloggs,

Sorry for my delayed reply; I’ve not been on here for a while...

I’ve now been 3 weeks without marijuana and am starting to gain back my appetite for food and sleep is getting easier.
I’m doing pretty well.
That’s not to say that I don’t still think about marijuana most days, but I don’t want to smoke it.

First I went 4 days without it, then had three days of smoking again. Then 7 days without and 1 night of smoking it. After that 1 night I was insanely depressed for about 2-3 days and decided it just wasn’t worth smoking for one night if I was going to have to feel so horribly depressed for a few days afterwards.

I don’t want to smoke because it’s not good for my mental health. I’m still thinking about it, but it’s getting easier.

I was even at a friends place today and saw her jar full of it and was able to resist the urge to ask if we could share a joint.

I’m proud of myself so far.

=)
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#10

Postby SleeplessInEngland » Sun Nov 19, 2017 4:41 pm

Hi there!

I'm 4 weeks and 2 days clean of weed today.

I have low self-worth and and ever turning brain, too (probably like most people). I have ADHD as well.

Something I find really REALLY helpful is binaural beats or isochronic tones. Seek them out on YouTube. Sometimes they're put to music, and sometimes they are just the beats. Personally, I like the pulses/beats on their own the best.
You can get tones/beats for sleep, depression, study, alertness, addiction - anything at all. The theory goes that the frequencies train your brain. Give them a whirl. Listen to them once a day...their effects are supposed to last all day.
Consider listening to one for sleep before you go to bed and one for addiction before your anticipated urge time. No point listening to one and then another straight away as your brain will be set by the last one you listened to, negating the one before it (hope that makes sense!).

Listen to them while you do other things or listen to them and close your eyes, it doesn't matter. You brain will hear them. They don't need to be loud, but I like them fairly loud.

I can't post a link here yet or I would.

Enjoy!
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#11

Postby HDog455 » Mon Nov 20, 2017 4:42 am

EdenG wrote:Hey JoeBloggs,

I don’t want to smoke because it’s not good for my mental health. I’m still thinking about it, but it’s getting easier.

I was even at a friends place today and saw her jar full of it and was able to resist the urge to ask if we could share a joint.

I’m proud of myself so far.

=)


Great to see a fellow Aussie succeeding! Keep looking forward and be proud of yourself - quitting a strong Weed habit is tough but well worth the effort.
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#12

Postby EdenG » Mon Nov 27, 2017 4:19 am

Thanks so much SleeplessInEngland :)

I’ll definitely have a squizz on YouTube for some binaural beats or isochronic tones. Sounds like they could be helpful :)

I hope you’re doing well and good on you for going over a month! I’m at 6 weeks 2 days now.
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#13

Postby EdenG » Mon Nov 27, 2017 4:21 am

And thank you too HDog455; it certainly is difficult, mainly for my brain, but I’ve come this far and there’s no point turning back now!! :)

Thanks for the support!
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