circles getting smaller

Postby Mystic323 » Sun Sep 24, 2017 1:23 am

I have two older sisters and brother. one sister, we'll call her #2, has always been a control freak. No matter what we plan, say or do, she will change it. doesnt matter if you simply suggest coffee, she would say tea.

None of my family had kids except for me and my wife. My sister would say shes showing up at noon with my wife and our daughter but not get there until 3 or 4 when my wife was ready to leave but she would stay and not say anything.

it took years but we finally understood why #2 was so hard to be with and when we got onto her things changed. At one point, in our house, she called my wife a bully (because she was one of the only peeple that would stand up to #2). she said "we ALL think youre a bully" meaning the other sister, my brother and 2's boyfriend, which is not true. but the rest dont want to get involved. They are all older than us and will not tro to go against 2. sister 1 is widowed, so she has no one else and my brother who is older is pathetic. 2 is like his mother! makes me sick and of course #2's BF has to stay with her right? Whats he gonna do.

So there was a confrontation and 2 left in a huff. Thinking I could fix things, I called her back on her cell phone. 2 and my wife made up but it was not real and I asked 2, "if not for me callin you back, would have you come? and she admitted no.

Its been a few years. We have since stopped going to functions such as Christmas, new years, birthdays etc but the aunties keep buying things for our kids and we felt that we should not deny them this relationship since its got nothing to do with them.

However, #2 has taken our kids on days like Christmas day and thanksgiving etc. My wife cries. I dont know what to do. We really can't tell the kids they cannot see thier aunts. Now our daughter is 20 and moved out a year ago and son is 16 so they can really do what they want.

Shes very involved with our daughters life still especially, not as much with our son but enough. #2 coddles our daughter so much, she has not built up a strong self being. #2 put her in swimming lessons without even asking us! 2 decide when daughter was little, that she would be a lifeguard. 2 decided taht daughter would go to college and be a veterinarian. 2 decided all kinds of things which daughter ended up trying and failing at each one. Not her thing. 2 pushed and pushed her. Daughter stayed at 2s house and had breakdowns and cut herself! but 2 thinks shes a f***ing angel and only trying to help.

#2 would do this to our dad all the time, say she would show at 3 and not get there till 6. We told dad, "go without her" but he would not because he knew 2 would get pissed and not talk to him for a week until HE apologized! This is what an a**hole 2 is.

My wife feels she is demanded as a parent, hates my family. Myself, I feel very alone. I don't have any friends I can call friends. My daughter moved out and my son, I feel I cant talk to him. Wife and I are stable at best. Some days I lye in bed thinking what it would be like to be dead. Peaceful. I wouldn't kill myself. I just wonder you know? Yes, I see a psychologist but they don't say much. The most hes offered is that you need a plan. Great thanks.

How do you handle this?
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sun Sep 24, 2017 1:44 am

How do you handle it? You don't. That ship sailed a long, long, long time ago. As you said, your daughter is 20 and your son is 16. If you were going to do something, that was 10+ years ago.

Now you are dealing with an older teen and everyone else is adults.

At this point you do whatever you feel like doing and leave everyone else alone to make their own choices in life. If they ask your advice, give it and then move on. You can only handle you. You can't handle anyone else, including #2, your wife, your daughter, your son.

You will reap what you sow as will every other person involved. This means you can be there to support others when they ask or a ready for help, but that is basically the limit of your options.
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#2

Postby laureat » Sun Sep 24, 2017 3:03 am

You are not responsible to wait for someone for hours:
You are not responsible to follow someone everywhere he/she wants to go:

It is something you did not agree about, you are not responsible about, and you should not feel sorry when rejecting ,
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#3

Postby Mystic323 » Sun Sep 24, 2017 12:53 pm

Im fairly new to this forum. Clicked liked and it shows a thumbs down on my end. I hope its a thumbs up on your end.
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#4

Postby JuliusFawcett » Sun Oct 01, 2017 4:50 pm

Repeat the mantra

Golden opportunities surround me, I trust the process of life.

This can me very relieving
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#5

Postby Mystic323 » Sun Oct 01, 2017 5:03 pm

wonderful thanks!
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#6

Postby moshieme » Wed Oct 04, 2017 2:41 am

pls be there for the ones that love,you cant make everyone love you,but your daughter will make her on decision in time just be blessed with you got. and god bless you and your daughterxxx
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