An anger management tool

#15

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Oct 16, 2017 3:08 pm

angerhaterguy wrote:
Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:
Include, "this message is anonymous, because while I perceive that you have an issue of anger, I am the one that lacks the coping skills in life that are necessary to allow me to manage conflicts. This app allows me to continue to avoid developing these skills."


wow, super start :) thanks to take your time to write here


No problem.

And here is another idea I hope you can appreciate. Prior to downloading the app, that effectively allows a person to anonymously harass or bully a person that they subjectively have decided has a problem, the downloader should need to first complete a 12 step program that teaches them life skills that help them manage their inability to cope with another human being face to face. Only after they have completed the 12 step program and demonstrated they now had the leadership skills and self confidence to manage any relationship face to face, then if they still wanted to download an app that allowed them to anonymously bully, err...I mean "help" someone, then they could.

In its current form it is an app that enables the perceived victim of an angry person to get a momentary feel good moment for themselves as they gain a temporary boost of self esteem by sending an anonymous message to a person under the false pretenses of trying to "help" them. The "victim" becomes the attacker, but rationalizes or justifies it to themselves as "help".
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#16

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Oct 16, 2017 5:50 pm

Leo Volont wrote: Of course we NEVER actually DID any of that stuff. We would talk about it.


Talk about it? Wow, what a novel concept!

This app idea is just another unfortunate side effect of the digital age. We now have a generation that lacks leadership skills. They have become cowards that hide behind a digital curtain. They don't talk to each other, because they don't know how.

And I don't necessarily mean cowards as it relates to talking to a possibly oppressive and/or angry boss. I get that it can be not in one's best interest to tell the emperor that he or she has no clothes. You might lose your job, etc. What I mean is that they don't even talk to each other. They just share short video clips back and forth that reinforces whatever victimhood label they wish to believe in and given each other likes.
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#17

Postby Leo Volont » Tue Oct 17, 2017 12:52 am

Hi Richard,

I read a lot of the General News and Opinion Columns, and what you say in regards to People’s Digital Behaviors seems to jive into what seems to be happening in the Broader World, that the Demographics are increasingly Polarized and People reverting to Tribalistic Identity Boundaries. This is a Very Serious development in that the Way Tribalism works is that the Larger Category of “Human Being” becomes effectively meaningless, while the only ‘Real People’ are the ones who belong to one’s Tribe. For Centuries the forces of Cosmopolitanism and Inclusion had been moving forward, even to the point where relatively recently We could speak of Globalism, but NOW the Reaction has apparently set in. When the Internet Revolution first rolled in, most people were largely optimistic about it, believing that all that easy communication would be a Unifier, but then all the Super Huge and Powerful Social Media Companies and Search Engine Companies with their ‘User Specific AI Algorithms’ took over the Free and Open Internet and channeled it into various Grooves, Ruts, Sectors, Cordons and Clique Zones. People became Ghettoized in with all the people the Algorithms determined were of the same Stripe and Feather. The Effects has been Sweeping. Politics has certainly been affected. But purely Cultural Things have been impacted. For instance, the World has lost any Cross Genre Pop Music Hits because the Music Streaming Algorithms and the Music Advertising and Search Algorithms don’t allow people the tiniest access to any Music that they are not already listening too. So in a way Once the Algorithms make their first Determination about Who and What you are, they Reinforce that, effectively tightening their Grip and closing you more and more into a very well defined Digital Pigeon Hole. So it seems that while George Orwell was afraid of Totalitarian Government becoming the dreaded “Big Brother”, it seems the Real Threat is coming from just 3 or 4 Guys, mostly just Super Rich Young Punks, in Silicon Valley. And essentially they are just a few Socially Dysfunctional ‘Nerds’. But it is Their World we live in now. And I really don’t see any way out… well, except for the Collapse of Everything, but that will be no joyride either.
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#18

Postby angerhaterguy » Tue Oct 17, 2017 8:11 am

Hey Richard, great pointing. so the app will be more like neutral than being an attack. but what will the motive for the sender?
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#19

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue Oct 17, 2017 6:00 pm

angerhaterguy wrote:Hey Richard, great pointing. so the app will be more like neutral than being an attack. but what will the motive for the sender?


First, whatever you personally believe is "neutral" will most likely not be interpreted as neutral by a person receiving said anonymous message. It is an app that informs someone via anonymous message that they are flawed. Put as much lipstick on that pig as you like, it isn't going to come across as a love letter.

As for motive, there is only one reason a person needs to hide...FEAR. People remain anonymous when they fear something.

How should we teach people to manage their fears? By hiding?
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#20

Postby Leo Volont » Wed Oct 18, 2017 12:41 am

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:
How should we teach people to manage their fears? By hiding?



May I please interject?

How DO we teach people to manage their fears?

Well, there are Two Kinds of Fears. 1) Unjustified. 2)Justified

With unjustified fears, well, we can apply forms of Cognitive Therapy to address that sort of thing, stressing the importance of clearly looking at the situation and attempting to actively dispute the rationales one has taken up that drive the fear.

But with justified fear, where there is actually something dangerous or clearly harmful hanging on the horizon, well, we DO actually suggest a form of 'hiding'. In Anger Management when an Angry Person has a realistic fear that certain triggers will cause a Blow Up, it is part of the standard advise to counsel 'Avoidance' which is a form of 'hiding'. it would take perhaps years of Work on one's Anger Issues before one can be thoroughly trusted to behave nonchalantly in situations which had previously cause major eruptions. Yes, having a Good Attitude about trying not to get Angry is a positive thing, but Good Attitude doesn't Play the Violin, and it doesn't Behave Calmly, not without a lot of practice, practice, practice. Oh, and for None Angry People who have chronically Angry People among their acquaintance but who have no actual necessity for interacting with a them, well the advise has always been to simply 'avoid' or we could say 'hide' from them. ...Well, perhaps there are some New Age Zealots out there who would suggest going forward with Loving Hugs, but such a thought would make a normal person's skin crawl.

Then we must consider that there is really nothing shameful about hiding. People often hide from Clowns, Mimes, Panhandlers, Pollsters, Hare Krishna People, Ex-Spouses, sometimes Present Spouses given the situation, and the list goes on and on. Foxes are famed for their slyness but also for the holes they hide in.

But, yes, in this Present Situation where we are debating whether somebody should 'hide' behind anonymity in order to go forward with Not Minding His of Her Own Business, well that seems a bit convoluted. If you simply Did Nothing, then there would be Nothing to Fear. So what is wrong with simply Doing Nothing? William of Ockham would probably highly recommend such a course of none action.

Oh, and I remember a few years back when Group Interventions were really a Big Idea. What happened to them? Oh, now I remember what Richard had said yesterday. to have a Group Intervention one would need a Group, and, well, the Age of Social Media has redefined Groups to being On Line Things that have to be accessed using a Telephone that costs as much as a widescreen TV. Real flesh and bone people are now a part of a Reality that people only tune out, like ants at a picnic. In the Modern World of course it would be necessary to have an APP that could address any concern when we are forced off line into having to interact with that Gross and Unfiltered World out there that the Millennial Generation has not yet learned how to totally avoid, or I should say 'hide' from.

What an Age we live in when just a Moderately Old Man, such as myself, without stepping out of a Time Machine, can find himself in a Society, in a Land where he grew up, which is foreign and whose Values he holds in contempt. Well, at least I have a house I can hide in.
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#21

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Oct 18, 2017 1:42 am

Hi Leo,

I get there are different types of fear. I also agree that there are justifiable cases to be anonymous when taking action. Telling a person anonymously using an app that you don't like them is not one of those cases.
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#22

Postby laureat » Wed Oct 18, 2017 3:21 am

I think There can be App with the idea to work like this forum: people to make questions-answers : as the forums has always been successful and so would be an app that works same way : simple and easy

But i dont know how you expect others to install an app that you are proposing but even if they did, still doesnt make sense to be disturbed by people behind anonymous : however : you never know what can succeed until it does
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#23

Postby angerhaterguy » Wed Oct 18, 2017 8:54 am

laureat wrote:I think There can be App with the idea to work like this forum: people to make questions-answers : as the forums has always been successful and so would be an app that works same way : simple and easy

But i dont know how you expect others to install an app that you are proposing but even if they did, still doesnt make sense to be disturbed by people behind anonymous : however : you never know what can succeed until it does


great approach, though different one. thanks, note taken
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#24

Postby Leo Volont » Wed Oct 18, 2017 10:02 am

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:Hi Leo,

I get there are different types of fear. I also agree that there are justifiable cases to be anonymous when taking action. Telling a person anonymously using an app that you don't like them is not one of those cases.


Yeah, they don't call them "flaming arrows" because of Cupid and Valentine's Day.
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#25

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Oct 18, 2017 1:43 pm

laureat wrote:I think There can be App with the idea to work like this forum: people to make questions-answers : as the forums has always been successful and so would be an app that works same way : simple and easy


Quora is a good example.

still doesnt make sense to be disturbed by people behind anonymous : however : you never know what can succeed until it does


Success of the app depends on getting people that see themselves as victims or helpless, that lack life skills in coping with problems to sign up. Advertising the app would be to this niche group. This is the target market. The app enables these "victims" to target a person that they SUBJECTIVELY deem a threat, and anonymously send them a "gift" that explains how they are a bad person, in this case the subjective label of "angry".

The tool doesn't actually help the person that signs up. It reinforces to them that they are a "victim" and enables them to remain a "victim" by teaching them that sending an anonymous "gift" is the appropriate response.
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#26

Postby laureat » Wed Oct 18, 2017 6:37 pm

... they see themselves as a "victim" but even if they are? if someone is dangerous? you report to the police you dont send private messages as an anonymos
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#27

Postby Leo Volont » Wed Oct 18, 2017 11:35 pm

laureat wrote:... they see themselves as a "victim" but even if they are? if someone is dangerous? you report to the police you dont send private messages as an anonymos


and then with anonymous messages, if they are sent to an angry emotionally unstable person, well, it could cause that Angry Person to lash out at EVERYBODY whom he or she might suspect of having sent it. So that kind of APP would just sort of "rock the boat, or poke the Sleeping Dog" for everyone within the Angry Person's danger zone. Even the person who sent the APP, in order to achieve some transient feel-good moment, might ultimately come to regret his or her hasty and ill-thought-out action.
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