Family life is bad, been unemployed for 12 months.

Postby Rose172 » Sat Oct 21, 2017 8:29 pm

I'm 18 years old and I lost my job last year when I was 17, but this wasn't my fault. So far I have had 13 interviews this year, and keep getting rejected. This adds to me feeling depressed, stressed out and angry.
My brother had an eating disorder which led to me eating mainly plant based foods. His weight loss started in January 2016 where he just starved himself all year. I lost 60 pounds going plant based and eating the right foods, but my body doesn't feel great. My father is lazy and sits at home playing computer games for 3-7 hours a day whenever he has a day off. We hardly talk about interesting subjects in a restaurant, and it's awkward.
I live with my mother and her annoying boyfriend who I don't really like either.

I'm a bit too pale, and don't know if I should take vitamin supplements. His eating disorder makes me feel guilty if I eat junk foods such as chocolate, or cake. :(

This job search is getting really tiring, and it makes me lose hope. I'm currently at college studying journalism (I'm in the UK) and will go on to study a degree in London if I can deal with how busy the city is.

Everything is going badly so far. I'm always so negative with myself, been called selfish and cold by people I know etc. Maybe I'm too scared to love someone in case I get hurt and that's why I don't really think about other people's feelings so much when I get angry or emotional.
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Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sun Oct 22, 2017 5:41 pm

It sounds like you are currently not very focused. You are scattered. What I mean is that your thought process seems to be a bit all over the place. For example, being too pale is a random issue that has little if anything to do with your employment status. While spitballing or just writing whatever comes to mind might have some therapeutic value, it still requires taking the next step of getting organized and focusing in on what you are wanting to accomplish. It sounds like primarily you want:

-1- to be healthier.
-2- employed
-3- a graduate
-4- improved social skills, i.e. a relationship

While certainly these 4 areas are not entirely independent of each other, the only negative is when you fail to act on them as independent goals that you can focus on and improve.

What your father or mother do, the situation in which you live is understandably an influence, but not an acceptable reason for not improving in whatever area of life where you choose to focus your time and energy. For instance, your father playing video games is entirely irrelevant to you being healthy, employed, graduating or improving your social skills. A reason you wrote this piece of irrelevant information is that it provides you a rational, a story that in your mind justifies your behaviors. "My dad is (insert label here) and therefore I can't achieve (insert goal here)."

The above is a common way we all tend to think. In psychology there are various forms of bias we use to hide or protect our egos, including attribution bias, myside bias, confirmation bias, etc.

With attribution bias, we attribute success to all our own doing, while any failures we attribute to external factors such as dad plays video games. When you graduate, you will attribute your success to your hard work, but were you to drop out for some reason, you would attribute it a bad family life. These kinds of attributions help us mentally, yet are factually flawed.

Your 13 interviews, there is one thing in common with each. You. So if one of your goals is to get a job, start attributing the inability to get a job with something you are doing, probably multiple things. Are you applying for jobs that are beyond your skill level? Are you not preparing for the interviews? Are you not networking? How might you improve?

I understand it can be frustrating. When I first moved to Las Vegas I sent my resume to 30+ businesses. I received a 100% rejection rate. I was doing it wrong. When I changed how I was approaching the problem, I was hired by two companies.

Anyway, while you did not provide enough information regarding the interviews, the #1 tip I have is to network first, apply for a job second.
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