I can't let go of him

Postby Chicagogirly91 » Fri Oct 27, 2017 3:09 pm

He’s cheated on me and I can’t allow myself to let him go. He told me he still loves his ex but I am still with him. He’s put me through so much. Look I know this is going to be a DEEP conversation but I don’t have anyone else I can confide in. When I found out he cheated, I cut myself in my thigh with the word “ruiner” to wake him up. But he later STILL CHEATED. I even told him of my suicidal thoughts but he STILL CHEATED. He finally told me that he was still in love with the girl he cheated with but was heartbroken over her past relationship. So basically we are still together and I am TRYING SO HARD to trust and believe that he and I will work this time. IS there any hope for us?
Chicagogirly91
Junior Member
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Fri Oct 27, 2017 3:06 pm
Likes Received: 0


#1

Postby quietvoice » Fri Oct 27, 2017 5:26 pm

Chicagogirly91 wrote: IS there any hope for us?

No.
User avatar
quietvoice
Senior Member
 
Posts: 1773
Joined: Tue Mar 18, 2014 8:14 pm
Likes Received: 184

#2

Postby Chicagogirly91 » Fri Oct 27, 2017 6:20 pm

quietvoice wrote:
Chicagogirly91 wrote: IS there any hope for us?

No.



Thank you for your reply but hes placed her on blocked and hasn't made any contact with her..... do you still feel the same way?
Chicagogirly91
Junior Member
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Fri Oct 27, 2017 3:06 pm
Likes Received: 0

#3

Postby tokeless » Fri Oct 27, 2017 6:28 pm

Your low self esteem is justifying why you don't dump him. He's already cheated several times and you think he'll stop because he's blocked someone??? Get some help with your self worth because you deserve better treatment than this. You can't blame him for cheating if he knows he can and you'll still be his ' go to' if he does. It's your call how he treats you because you let him.
tokeless
Senior Member
 
Posts: 1794
Joined: Thu May 08, 2008 5:17 pm
Likes Received: 182

#4

Postby Chicagogirly91 » Fri Oct 27, 2017 11:22 pm

I dont understand here..... he's blocked her... they have NO contact.... wouldn't that prove that he doesn't want to be with her anymore and wants me now? Am I silly for feeling this way?
Chicagogirly91
Junior Member
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Fri Oct 27, 2017 3:06 pm
Likes Received: 0

#5

Postby laureat » Sat Oct 28, 2017 3:20 am

He has already proven to not be a trustworthy person

if you want a trustworthy person you should not expect from this guy, he has already shown enough of himself but if you just want to be with him nomatter what its your own choice
laureat
Senior Member
 
Posts: 1330
Joined: Fri Aug 24, 2012 10:45 pm
Location: Kosovo
Likes Received: 102

#6

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sat Oct 28, 2017 3:54 am

Chicagogirly91 wrote: When I found out he cheated, I cut myself in my thigh with the word “ruiner” to wake him up. But he later STILL CHEATED.


To wake him up?

To wake him up?

How about waking yourself up? If I was with a girl that thought by harming herself it was supposed to wake me up, I would be out the door before she could blink twice. If a person harms themselves to try to manipulate me, it show me proof positive they have no respect for themselves. Why would I want to be with a woman that has such little respect for herself? That is not attractive.

I even told him of my suicidal thoughts but he STILL CHEATED.


Same exact thing. You are going to kill yourself if I cheat? That is how you intend to manipulate me? You have that little respect for yourself, that you will threaten suicide? Goodbye and good riddance, I’m out the door fast, fast, fast. And if you act on those thoughts, I don’t feel bad at all, because I respect myself and obviously you don’t respect yourself. So why, why, why would I want to be with you?

Cutting yourself and threatening suicide is so, so, so unattractive. It is not romantic, it is not a sign of love, it is a sign of desperation, manipulation and lack of respect for oneself. Those behaviors will drive a man away from you, not the other way around.

You need to seek some help. You need to find healthy ways to attract a man, rather than ways to try and manipulate a man.
User avatar
Richard@DecisionSkills
MVP
MVP
 
Posts: 8974
Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2012 2:25 am
Likes Received: 914

#7

Postby laureat » Sat Oct 28, 2017 12:25 pm

If you dont respect oneself you cannot respect the other

You may try try try: to make it work but all it gets you some fake hugs

You dont need that: you need something better

What you focus on = feelings

To make oneself feel better: try go out with friends, or walks focus on your life
laureat
Senior Member
 
Posts: 1330
Joined: Fri Aug 24, 2012 10:45 pm
Location: Kosovo
Likes Received: 102

#8

Postby Chicagogirly91 » Sat Oct 28, 2017 2:29 pm

Thank you all for the feedback. I guess I have to wonder each day why he's still with me and not with her?
Chicagogirly91
Junior Member
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Fri Oct 27, 2017 3:06 pm
Likes Received: 0

#9

Postby quietvoice » Sat Oct 28, 2017 2:42 pm

Chicagogirly91 wrote:Thank you all for the feedback. I guess I have to wonder each day why he's still with me and not with her?

He may be physically sharing space with you at times, but he's not really WITH you. You are a convenience, available for companionship on certain levels, probably at his whim and never at your whim.

Tell him to get lost.

Do you spend any time reading? Start reading some books on how to develop your own self, because you are spending too much of your self in thinking about some other self which you have absolutely no control over. You only have control of you. Take advantage of that control and make it work FOR you instead of against you.
User avatar
quietvoice
Senior Member
 
Posts: 1773
Joined: Tue Mar 18, 2014 8:14 pm
Likes Received: 184

#10

Postby Chicagogirly91 » Sat Oct 28, 2017 7:38 pm

I do do read self help books so I do try. I do appreciate the recommendation.. I guess I can't help but to think about this situation. I don't want to give in. We have a lot going on. We share rental property that he wanted ME to put the down payment on which was a lot of money, I pay all the bills at the rental property . We live together and I pay the power water Internet but he pays the mortgage. I pay whenever we go out with his kids. I even paid the tab last year at the dinner that was supposed to be my birthday celebration. We went to a long weekend getaway that I funded and I wanted to get physical with him but he didn't want to. He didn't get me a souvenir to remember our first trip. He says he loves me and told me that since I paid the down payment on the rental property HE wanted he would never ask me to move out. Again....why isn't he with the ex if he doesn't truly want me?
Chicagogirly91
Junior Member
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Fri Oct 27, 2017 3:06 pm
Likes Received: 0

#11

Postby quietvoice » Sat Oct 28, 2017 9:24 pm

Chicagogirly91 wrote:he wanted ME to put the down payment on which was a lot of money,

I pay all the bills at the rental property .

I pay the power water Internet

I pay whenever we go out with his kids.

I even paid the tab last year at the dinner that was supposed to be my birthday celebration.

a long weekend getaway that I funded

and I wanted to get physical with him but he didn't want to.

He is using you, my dear.
User avatar
quietvoice
Senior Member
 
Posts: 1773
Joined: Tue Mar 18, 2014 8:14 pm
Likes Received: 184

#12

Postby Chicagogirly91 » Sat Oct 28, 2017 10:04 pm

I know it seems that way but he told the ex that I treat him better than he's ever been treated by a woman
Chicagogirly91
Junior Member
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Fri Oct 27, 2017 3:06 pm
Likes Received: 0

#13

Postby quietvoice » Sat Oct 28, 2017 10:11 pm

Chicagogirly91 wrote:I know it seems that way but he told the ex that I treat him better than he's ever been treated by a woman

Who the f*** cares what he's told the ex, or anyone else, for that matter!!

He's using you. You must love being a doormat.

Get out of there and gain yourself some self-respect.
User avatar
quietvoice
Senior Member
 
Posts: 1773
Joined: Tue Mar 18, 2014 8:14 pm
Likes Received: 184

#14

Postby quietvoice » Sun Oct 29, 2017 7:08 am

^^^ I apologize for the use of profanity. There's no excuse for that.

While I'm of a certain opinion of your situation, I also didn't need to call you a doormat. I'll need to figure out a way to better express myself.

Be well.
User avatar
quietvoice
Senior Member
 
Posts: 1773
Joined: Tue Mar 18, 2014 8:14 pm
Likes Received: 184


Next

Return to Relationships