Have trouble with very competetive people

Postby Wombat7777 » Fri Nov 03, 2017 12:15 pm

Hi

Just throwing a few ideas around here - trying to understand an aspect of myself.

I am much more an academic and dont really relate to people who are very competetive. I like going to the gym, but find very competetive people embarrassing as they scream and punch the air...its like dealing with kids.....its case of "run along and play and go dig a ditch or something productive to harness all that loud energy.........go away...."

Living in Australia, sport is a religion, and I just dont care about sports. I dont mind playing sport but really dont get the competition thing. Its got to the point whereby I wonder if I'm normal ( I am normal, the competetive thing just irks me...)

Just wondering if other people have a low tolerance to this too?

Sometimes I wonder if I've missed the point of life - that were supposed to be competive and for some reason I dont have that drive? I dunno.....

Socially I have limited tolerance for people who talk a lot, and when they get on to sport i want to just go and find something productive to do, like weed the garden, or make something ...anything but brain dead sport chat.....save me.....how about talking about the fact the electricty grid is being sabotaged by the powers that be, or the likelyhood of war with NK, or how to handle uncontrolled immigration, or the reality that most "news" is heavily manufactured etc etc

Thoughts welcome.....
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#1

Postby Infinite » Fri Nov 03, 2017 1:45 pm

Very interesting post.

In the works of psychology, something bothers you and only you because you are the one noticing/observing, feeling and processing.
Now you said something interesting like you wonder if you missed something in the past and that may be playing a part. I do not know but I think probably.

I wonder what did your dad do? I wonder if you were taught sport at young age and you felt inadequate or you were forced (hence you got the gym going behaviour but not the playing sport thing)...so you acknowledge the benefit of physical activity but someting happened about the benefit of competition in sport.

I also found fascinating you rather talk about real life competition (AKA war with NK) but not a fun part competition in sport...do you see the parallel?

You did not say anything about how you actually feel about this? My gut tells me you are embarrassed for those who are into competitive sports...and you have some shame attached to it from somewhere or some experience in school or from a coach in your childhood.

I also think you are competitive (academia and intellectual is competion) but you do not see it that way and honestly that is another barrier in your real life too.

My advise to you is this:
sit on the feeling of competitive sport, and feel it? What do you feel? and then try to remember if you can a long time story where you were in sport or in play or maybe you witness other in such situation and you developed a belief or a feeling or an aversion...

Another way you can deal with this is to join a sport you semi enjoy and want to learn and let your feelings go, keep an open mind and see what comes up.

It is good you acknowledge this and it is good you are so aware of but life is competition. The survival of the fittest is a competition, you cannot avoid it in academia or in relationships but it is good to balance it out so it is not all negative or all competition.

PS. do you have kids? If you have a glitch in this area, your aversion may seep into them and they may pick the vibe and become opposite of competition in more pathology way when they grow up. It is almost as if you need to chill, join and see what you are missing or make peace with it so you do not pass it along.
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#2

Postby quietvoice » Fri Nov 03, 2017 2:03 pm

Garrulous persons are a bother to me as well.

Organized sports, I don't get the attraction, as far as being a spectator of such. It's as if the sport fanatic's ego is attached to the winning or losing behavior of his chosen team(s). To me, it's just a game.

As far as the major news media, well, certain members here know my views, and when I have more time (I'm at my work-a-place desk) I wouldn't mind connecting with you.
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#3

Postby Infinite » Fri Nov 03, 2017 2:13 pm

Do you notice obese people? I would assume probably no cause you do not give a hoot about it.

Whenever, you notice something, observe it enough to develop an opinion (usually strong) or an aversion or an annoyance, it is good time to dig deeper of why?

This competitive sport or organized sport bothers you or at least took enough energy for your to formulate a strong aversion?
They do not care about you and it seems you do not either but here you are typing about it, talking about it and spending a precious energy on it?

Simple question is why? And only you know.

I do not play sport. I suck at it cause I was personally discouraged when I was young even though I have a great physique for sport.

Organized sport is a way for humans to play and have war like (think of American Football) states without the atrocity of war.

Wars are organized sports in the shadow of Olympics. Everything has yin and yang....Wars and organized sports are yin and yang of human using energy good or bad.

There is a real drive of aggression, we have wars or we play globalized sports.

That is the biological need for organized sports. But on a personal level, this is annoying to you, you will have to find a way to channel that and find the silver lining. Something is awakening within you.
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#4

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri Nov 03, 2017 8:49 pm

Wombat7777 wrote:...anything but brain dead sport chat.....save me.....how about talking about the fact the electricty grid is being sabotaged by the powers that be, or the likelyhood of war with NK, or how to handle uncontrolled immigration, or the reality that most "news" is heavily manufactured etc etc


Because we all hold different beliefs and values.

For instance, all the topics you seem interested in are political. And as you say, given that the "news" is heavily manufactured, why on earth would I be interested in the soap opera of NK, electricity sabotage, or immigration? According to you it is all made up, heavily manufactured @%$@, so why, why, why would I waste my time and give a rats a#@ about having a discussion about made up information that is designed to get ratings and keep me from changing the channel? It is information designed to hook you by making you emotionally invested in the story. Stay tuned, you won't believe what politician so and so did! Coming up next!

Basically, your entire premise shoots itself in the foot, because you admit that the very source from which you generate the topics you like to discuss is "heavily manufactured". No thanks. If I accept your theory of heavily manufactured news, then I might as well go read a comic book.

On the other hand, sports you can get into, sports is real, tangible, something you can look at the statistics, watch the players progress and root for your team! Currently I'm in Colombia and it is amazing to see the shared pride, the national pride people have as they come together to support their team as they advance to the world cup! Imagine, all across a nation in big cities and small, people are wearing similar yellow jerseys as they head out to watch their team! It too harnesses emotion. If the team loses there is sadness, if they win, elation!

A few years ago I was in Medellin during the world cup. The team won a game and there was a happy chaos in the streets, with horns blaring, foam being sprayed into the air, dancing, etc. as people experienced something real, something tangible. It wasn't manufactured. A few days later in a close match, Colombia lost. People sat in silence, stunned for a few seconds when a man stood up and yelled, "Viva Colombia," and then began to sing the national anthem. People all stood up and followed along with him. Such pride.

NOW, I am not a sports fan. I'm more like you, in that I enjoy a good political discussion than a boring discussion on sports. I would rather play a sport than watch a sport, and when I play I play to win, but competition is not the end all be all of why I participate. I too don't appreciate the overly competitive nature of some players. But, I recognize they hold different beliefs, different values than me.

While I find politics more interesting than sports, I completely understand why some people don't. I mean, what are you actually doing about NK? Absolutely nothing. All you are going to do is rant about it, generate emotions, argue, provide your opinion and so what? All you are doing is being another armchair politician, complaining about a "threat" that in your own words is "heavily manufactured". So what is the real difference? Your discussion is just as useless as the person that discusses sports. Maybe we should just all go out and pull some weeds in our respective gardens.
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#5

Postby Wombat7777 » Fri Nov 03, 2017 9:10 pm

Its interesting reading peoples repsonses ( thank you... ) and you start to remember stuff that has happened in your past and it starts to locate/unlock old memories.

Thinking back on it ( although I cant remember everything ) I know my dad used to be away a lot for work for probably the first 5 years and Mum looked after 3 kids under 5 so I guess she was mad busy. I dont recall any negativity to sport, although my mum can be a negative person and although she meant well, may have always tried to protect me as she always said I was "sensetive" ( whatever that actually translated to.)

I recall never being an overtly successful kid in a comptetition space at school, like always being pushed off the pipe in the school playground and a neighbour ( kid at the time ) used to be a bit of a bully, whether that was I just never had a strong comnpetetive drive naturally ( which I suspect might be the case ). As I got to teenage years I became fat and played the "porr me" card a lot for attention as I wasnt cutting it. Ha...this is probably amusing to any pysch reading this, it probably some classic psych 101 material...oh well....it is what it is, just being honest.

I find people rather agressive at times, multiple times Ive had to resort to staring people down to stop anything before it starts( I'm pretty solid ), as I'm more than capable of dealing with stupid people who push things too far.

My wifes family are all competive especially in sport ( and wow.....doesnt that take some energy to endure...... ). My wife herself I have encouraged to play sport or coach, as she is quite keen to do so, having been a good sportswoman as a kid. I kind of view sports-obsessives as "grunts/neanderthals" ( and no it doesnt bother me ), I kind of view them as active Darwin Award seekers, as I'm sure in the next big war they will all volunteer, which is beyond dumb IMHO, but there you go. Ironically i can use a firearm quite well, but not in that space. Ironically, both sides of my family in WW2 were all in manufacturing or mining so never went to actual war, but my wifes family all fought in spitfires on on the ground. My own view ( as a Christian ) is to defend as necessary my own home to protect my families' life, but not going off proactively seeking trouble. If people want to go off looking for a stoush, well they get whats coming ...thats seriously seriously dumb, IMHO....

Anyway, thats it pretty much. Yep, probably not naturally competetive, and I kind of get sick being "different" as its tiring, but I just have trouble finding any real interest in sport. I'd love to work out if I'm damaged from my childhood or whether its just me being me at my core and it cant be altered. The not knowing is what bugs me. I also find annoying that dumb competetive people do well in life, which is like having a happy cow that doesnt know its just a dumb cow.....if that makes sense.....people sometimes are blissfully ignorant of their own ignorance, and it irks me...there is no drive to do something beyond worshipping sport and be willing to march off to war.....we have brains but it seems many people dont use them. I've never happily been "one of the crowd" as I find it dull...other peopel find comfort in group identity ( and even worse, use EMOTIONS purely to make descisions......which is the pinnacle of foolishness ..... ) but I dont, always happy to be a bit different, a bit "elite" i guess, but I also dont have much interest in "common" interests.

Dont get me wrong, I dont dislike the rest of humanity, its just I dont seem to be the same as the rest of humanity nor have their interest space, and am more "Vulcan"-like ( i.e. spock from star trek , and no im not a trekkie ).

Yes i could play sport, i dont have an aversion to it. I dont actively seek it, but I just dont want to be drowned in it either.....and being in Australia, where sport is a religion, its hard being on the outer all the time if you dont have that interest.

Thoughts welcome....
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#6

Postby Wombat7777 » Fri Nov 03, 2017 9:15 pm

Hi RIchard - you said :

"For instance, all the topics you seem interested in are political. And as you say, given that the "news" is heavily manufactured, why on earth would I be interested in the soap opera of NK, electricity sabotage, or immigration? According to you it is all made up, heavily manufactured @%$@, so why, why, why would I waste my time and give a rats a#@ about having a discussion about made up information that is designed to get ratings and keep me from changing the channel? It is information designed to hook you by making you emotionally invested in the story. Stay tuned, you won't believe what politician so and so did! Coming up next!

Basically, your entire premise shoots itself in the foot, because you admit that the very source from which you generate the topics you like to discuss is "heavily manufactured". No thanks. If I accept your theory of heavily manufactured news, then I might as well go read a comic book. "


Perhaps I should clarify - its more the fact that big stuff is going on around people and they seem to have thier heads stuck in "happy oblivion" stuff like sport, and not noticing stuff going to cr*p around them. And becasue most people dont seem to think very deeply at all, we wind up with these continued problems. And the reality is ( as CNN has proven amply ) is that "news" is heavuly manufactured, but if people bother to read widely from a lot of non-mainstream sources, they can get the real picture of the real world. I dont accept peopel being ignorant as a valid state of human existance, it exhibits a profound lack of repsonsibility that makes peopel like cows, not humans. Humans have amazing brains, but the MSM and govt seem to be happy to train them not to use them.
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#7

Postby Wombat7777 » Fri Nov 03, 2017 9:28 pm

Sorry....editing time ran out....

Richard - perhaps I should clarify - its more the fact that big stuff is going on around people and they seem to have thier heads stuck in "happy oblivion" stuff like sport, and not noticing stuff going to cr*p around them. And becasue most people dont seem to think very deeply at all, we wind up with these continued problems. And the reality is ( as CNN has proven amply ) is that "news" is heavuly manufactured, but if people bother to read widely from a lot of non-mainstream sources, they can get the real picture of the real world. I dont accept peopel being ignorant as a valid state of human existance, it exhibits a profound lack of repsonsibility that makes peopel like cows, not humans. Humans have amazing brains, but the media and govt seem to be happy to train them not to use them.

Go and pull weeds...yes I could, you cant do anything about NK personally, but you get people together to lobby govts to try and pull their heads in. My point is that I came here to try an understand, my view isnt the same as yours as youve adequately pointed out. I guess in life people will agreew ith you or not, I find throwing ideas out there helps to find the limits in things so you can naviagte your position in the overall lie of the land.

Have a good day.
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#8

Postby Infinite » Fri Nov 03, 2017 9:53 pm

You are over minimizing a lot and yet you are so entrenched of envy for those that their perceived competitive nature got them far!

The fact you were a bully and yet a fat kid had a lot of impact on you but again you are minimizing that.

What do you think the problem is truly you must know inside of you right? if you do not, then maybe do not minimize so much that you are just causally throwing all ideas aside except what...you are not saying.

Your mom saying you are sensitive and maybe protecting you from contact sport is something worth looking into it.
Also I will throw another idea...do you think maybe you are feeling your masculinity is threatened by your inlaws? it could be an energy you are picking on and operating from without being conscious of.

I am a woman so my limited man think is very limited but I get the feeling there some masculine energy getting stuck in you and you are not expressing properly.

worth discussing.
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#9

Postby Wombat7777 » Sat Nov 04, 2017 4:25 am

Hi infinite,

I think ive been misunderstood. I didnt bully kuds, if anything i copped bulling as a kid but battled through it.

In terms of being threatened by my inlaws, its more i dobt seem to fit my own culture, whuch us sports focussed, and my inlaws are so middle of the road and fit in so well its hard to watch sometimes.

In terms of masculinity, zero problems there, if anything it there other way around ( and no braggibg/ bravado either....)
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#10

Postby Infinite » Sat Nov 04, 2017 3:32 pm

I am not misunderstanding you. I am trying to help you find the answers within why this is a sore point for you. What I am finding fascinating is all your responses are no that is not it. NOPE. I do not have a problem. I have this or that and yet here we are across the globe talking about why you are envious, afraid, annoyed, angry, non-nonchalant, give a rat's donkey or even posting this issue if it is nothing.

I am not a psychologist, but I think there is something there for you but you are not aware of and maybe I or other posters have not touched it either to bring it up from the subconscious to your consciousness.

I think IMHO those who are annoyed to say the least of competitive (positive ones too) are truly suffering in areas of competency or industriousness. I think you are just being a bit oppositional right now because maybe the truth is too painful,hurtful or embarrassing that you have not master it yet...

IMHO, take it easy. Watch and observe of those doing whatever you do not like or agree and trust me you do things they do not like you do too.

If there is nothing to it...then you are wasting everybody's time to talk about you and that itself is sort of narcissism.
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#11

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sat Nov 04, 2017 8:29 pm

Wombat7777 wrote:
Richard - perhaps I should clarify - its more the fact that big stuff is going on around people and they seem to have thier heads stuck in "happy oblivion" stuff like sport, and not noticing stuff going to cr*p around them.


Wombat,

You never take time out to watch a movie, to play a game on your iPad, or spend time with a friend? You have no hobbies? You never sleep late, always up at 5am and in bed at midnight? You are constantly, 24/7 engaged in watching International news and are wondering when exactly the sky is going to fall?

I doubt it. More than likely you have plenty of time you spend not salivating over the next news cycle where some other “big stuff” is identified for you to get all in a tizzy about.

The bottom line, you see others engaged in a past time and label them as being in some sort of “happy oblivion” while the same can be said about you. Unless you have zero hobbies, zero time when you are not glued to the Internet surfing for your next crisis, you have your own “happy oblivion” activities.

And if truly you have no life outside of the 24/7 news cycle, then that is a different type of oblivion all together, and it isn’t happy.
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