Please can someone help/advise?

Postby Mendy123 » Wed Nov 08, 2017 10:11 am

Hi,
A few months ago, I was disagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder and OCD.
I am 35, but since a young age I have had certain rituals, plus I am a big worrier, so those diagnoses make sense.
In the summer, I had a bit of a breakdown – I had a dreadful thought about attacking my wife, which included horrible images.
I have never physically harmed anyone in my life and love her more than anything.
I then had a thought, what if I'm gay, which she found out about thanks to my non-stop researching on my laptop.
I have seen a psychologist and have gradually got better and my wife and I are working through things.
We are due to go on honeymoon in two weeks, as well.
However, on Saturday night, my sister gave birth to a boy, he is also my parents' first grandchild.
My sister's husband send me pics of the baby and he is so cute..but, suddenly, while looking at one of them, I had the most disgusting, sexual thought and image.
It lasted no more than two seconds, but I have been in turmoil every since.
I love children and have never, ever had such a repulsive thought before. Now, I can't get the revolting image out of my head and am worried I will tell my wife about it which, I think, will be the final straw.
My psychologist said these thoughts mean nothing and it is my reaction to them which is the problem.
Please can someone advise?
Thank you.
Mendy123
New Member
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Wed Oct 04, 2017 2:21 pm
Likes Received: 0


#1

Postby Papercut » Wed Nov 08, 2017 12:01 pm

I also thought what your psychologist said. There is nothing wrong to it. But it is true that your thought is repulsive and viewed as morally bad.

For me though, the thought alone won't hurt. It was like saying that someone wants to kill and kept thinking about it but won't dare to do it.

As long as you don't take a step to do it, you are fine the way you are. It is good that you are aware that the thought itself is unacceptable that stops you from doing it. Keep this in your mind always then you look fine to me.
Papercut
New Member
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Wed Nov 08, 2017 9:50 am
Likes Received: 0

#2

Postby Mendy123 » Wed Nov 08, 2017 12:23 pm

Thanks.
I would never do it in a billion years and had never had this - one second - thought before.
What I'm in turmoil over is why did I have such a thought in the first place?
Mendy123
New Member
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Wed Oct 04, 2017 2:21 pm
Likes Received: 0

#3

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Nov 08, 2017 2:06 pm

Mendy123 wrote:...why did I have such a thought in the first place?


Because you are normal.

You watch movies, you’ve had a sexual relationship, you read and watch news, you surf the Internet, you research homosexuality. Over the years you have gathered plenty of knowledge and are not oblivious to pornography, child abuse, cases of rape, torture, etc.

So why might a person have an intrusive thought enter their mind that is counter to their values? Reread the above.

We don’t control our thoughts 100%. If you are reading a book and suddenly there is groaning and bumping of the walls from the neighbors, you can’t simply turn off your mind. No. Your mind tries to make sense of this interruption. What is going on? Your mind wants to make sense of the situation, providing you comfort that you are not in danger and are free to go back to reading your book.

A young child that hears bumping and groaning, having no knowledge of sex and having not hit puberty, will mentally simulate, making sense of the situation as maybe a ghost or someone arguing, maybe someone is using a hammer. An adult, being physiologically primed and having more experience in the world, knows the neighbors are newlyweds, and recognizes the moans and groans as sexual intercourse. The mind, simulates as to make sense of the situation and for a few seconds in pops an image of the wife naked...how horrible of you! That’s someone’s wife and goes against your values? How did that happen? After a second or two, your mind is satisfied that you are not in danger, that the mental simulation of sex that took all of two seconds adequately explains the noise and you go back to reading your book.

It is normal. When a thought goes against our values we label it intrusive. The way you deal with an intrusive thought is you ignore it and go back to reading your book.
User avatar
Richard@DecisionSkills
MVP
MVP
 
Posts: 8974
Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2012 2:25 am
Likes Received: 914

#4

Postby Mendy123 » Wed Nov 08, 2017 2:43 pm

Thank you Richard, that's great advice.
Just one question - why would such a disgusting thought come into my mind?
Mendy123
New Member
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Wed Oct 04, 2017 2:21 pm
Likes Received: 0

#5

Postby Papercut » Wed Nov 08, 2017 2:51 pm

Mendy123 wrote:What I'm in turmoil over is why did I have such a thought in the first place?


As Richard told you, you can't control your mind. There's no why. It just popped in your mind without knocking. It's a thing that just happens. Our mind is just naturally curious.

Also, just having that thought isn't enough to make you a bad person. If it does, everyone will be deemed as a criminal or guilty.

That thought isn't harmful. To make yourself feel better, feel free to talk about it to someone you trust.

And also, if you search enough online, there's a lot of things that are worse than what your thoughts alone. Some has gone their way to have sex with a cow or a dog or some people who likes to drink or soak themselves in young women's blood to keep them from aging.

Thinking about it isn't a crime. And there is always a first to everything.
Papercut
New Member
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Wed Nov 08, 2017 9:50 am
Likes Received: 0

#6

Postby Mendy123 » Wed Nov 08, 2017 3:02 pm

Thanks.
I'm speaking about it with my psychologist but daren't tell my wife as she will automatically think i'm a paedophile.
Mendy123
New Member
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Wed Oct 04, 2017 2:21 pm
Likes Received: 0

#7

Postby TheCloud » Wed Nov 08, 2017 5:46 pm

Out in the world, there are women who have been attacked just as you imagined attacking your wife. There are babies who are molested just the way you imagine. There are actual gay men who are terrified of being found out.

If the worst thing that's ever happened to you is that you have intrusive thoughts, then that is hardly anything at all. If something bad has actually happened to you, then that is something to talk about. But the feeling I get is that the main thing you want is attention. Maybe you even envy the attention that the people who have bad things happen to them get, although I'm just guessing at this.

If that's so, it's not something to be ashamed of, but you do need to find a healthier way to get attention. It shouldn't be too difficult, with a loving wife and close relatives. You might not be able to 100% forget about your disturbing images, but then, you shouldn't forget. There have always been people getting hurt like that out in the world, though most people don't want to think about it. It's good to have a sense of perspective.
TheCloud
Senior Member
 
Posts: 1159
Joined: Sat Mar 08, 2014 7:32 pm
Location: USA
Likes Received: 82

#8

Postby Mendy123 » Wed Nov 08, 2017 7:58 pm

Hi,
I don't envy anybody and have never sought attention.
I'm just upset that such a disturbing image has come into my mind and now I'm anxious and obsessed over it because I have anxiety and OCD, which had been diagnosed by an eminent psychologist.
Mendy123
New Member
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Wed Oct 04, 2017 2:21 pm
Likes Received: 0

#9

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Nov 08, 2017 8:09 pm

Mendy123 wrote:My psychologist said these thoughts mean nothing


And your eminent psychologist has said the same thing everyone else is this forum is saying. So you reacting is attention seeking. You could have easily accepted the advice of your psychologist and turned your attention elsewhere. You could have accepted the advice of those in here and moved on. But, laboring of the issue allows you to occupy your time.

Why are you avoiding actual issues? What do you do for work, what do you do to serve your community, what relationships are you involved in, what organizations or hobbies are you engaged in, what goals do you have, what books are you reading?

You seem to distract or try to avoid the real problems of life by creating fake problems, by obsessing over non-issues. It is easy to obsess, because all it requires is you ignore everyone else, you ignore the psychologist, everyone in here, and most likely every other person that has given you advice.
User avatar
Richard@DecisionSkills
MVP
MVP
 
Posts: 8974
Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2012 2:25 am
Likes Received: 914

#10

Postby Mendy123 » Wed Nov 08, 2017 8:21 pm

Or maybe I'm just so desperately worried, I'm trying to seek reassurance?
Mendy123
New Member
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Wed Oct 04, 2017 2:21 pm
Likes Received: 0

#11

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Nov 08, 2017 8:30 pm

Mendy123 wrote:Or maybe I'm just so desperately worried, I'm trying to seek reassurance?


And this reassurance has already been provided by your eminent psychologist and in here by multiple people, and probably by others as well. So it is not about reassurance, as it has been provided again, and again.

No, it is about something other than reassurance. It is about not wanting to face the real issues in life, such as work, relationships, etc. etc. You use it as a shield to protect you from other things in life. “I just can’t do X or Y or Z, because I’m so desperately worried about A”.
User avatar
Richard@DecisionSkills
MVP
MVP
 
Posts: 8974
Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2012 2:25 am
Likes Received: 914

#12

Postby TheCloud » Wed Nov 08, 2017 9:09 pm

Mendy123 wrote:I don't envy anybody and have never sought attention.


Mendy123 wrote:Or maybe I'm just so desperately worried, I'm trying to seek reassurance?


These thoughts are harmless. But that's already been obvious for a while. There is no way you don't already know. These thoughts are harmless.

So the question is, when it's already clear that these thoughts can't do anything on their own, why do you worry so much about them? What reassurance could you possibly receive, that no harm will come from what is completely harmless?

There is none, there is no amount of reassurance you can receive which will be enough, but the more reassurance you seek, the more your obsessive thoughts will multiply. The more desperate you become, the more you seek reassurance from others, the worse you will get. The thoughts can't hurt you, but you can eventually hurt yourself by obsessing over them. That won't be good for you or your family.

Giving up your quest for reassurance will be difficult. It might not feel right, it won't feel fair. But if you want the thoughts to fade away, if you want to get better, then it is something you must accomplish.
TheCloud
Senior Member
 
Posts: 1159
Joined: Sat Mar 08, 2014 7:32 pm
Location: USA
Likes Received: 82



  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to Psychology