What really am I?

#15

Postby Papercut » Thu Nov 09, 2017 2:22 am

TheCloud wrote:..so other people don't know what to do to get along with you, which has led to there being a large gap between you and those around you.

If you want closure, you will not get it by being cruel or dismissive toward other people. It is necessary for you to overcome the painful feelings you have toward others. Even if you live your life as a hermit, the world will still have many others in it. If you have painful feelings of fear or anger or resentment toward them, you will not have your closure.


I put up a front that I get along with others. In fact, I didn't realize that a lot of people treasures me. I just did what I think that I need to do.

I helped others and said the things that they wanted to hear. I pleased them in a way that they want. I laughed, play, and get along with them pretty well. I did it so I could blend in.

I talked a lot and use a lot of terms to express ones emotion. If I did that, they will see me as one of them. I thought that as long as they put their trust on me, then that is all that matters.

They love me but I don't. When I notice this, I thought I may not be normal. When I look back, I didn't experience any childhood trauma or some sort. I have a good family and friends. Looking at my background, there is nothing strange but myself says otherwise.
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#16

Postby TheCloud » Thu Nov 09, 2017 4:27 am

You don't have to keep looking for things to call yourself, like having ASPD or depression. I'm more and more getting the sense that you're a normal person with normal questions about who you are in a society where you don't quite fit in. I suspect that you're exaggerating how cruel or deceptive you are.

What I think is happening is that you've reached the point where you have to find your own way. You can't just keep doing as you were taught and as you were told, you have to find yourself and who you are and who you want to be. It's easy to be highly cynical about this process at the beginning, but really what you want is to be a person who you can feel comfortable with being. And you're trying to figure this out without guidance, and much of the advice that you have been given is bad advice that isn't helping you.

So I don't think you're someone with ASPD or some other mental disorder. I think you could become someone like that, but I also think that if you reach for the light instead of for the darkness, you'll become someone who you truly want to be.
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