When it's time to take a break from relationships and dating

Postby seeingthelight » Mon Nov 13, 2017 7:40 pm

I love dating and meeting new women. My goal is to someday settle down and potentially get married and have a family. However, I have issues to work out and will not be getting involved with anyone, for at least a couple years. I need to get my stuff together and change my scenery, which will take time. Maybe another 2-3 years of rebuilding. Does anyone see that as selfish? If so, please explain. I believe it's the right thing to do
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Nov 13, 2017 10:53 pm

How is it selfish? You believe by taking time to yourself you are depriving others of what exactly? Are monks selfish, because they choose not to date?
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#2

Postby seeingthelight » Tue Nov 14, 2017 12:01 am

Agreed. There's always a lot of social pressure to have a wife, kids and the house with the white picket fence. I'd love to have all that someday. But I'm just not ready for it. In all honesty, my life is a mess right now. How could I? Is the way I see it..

I'd have to be in a good place mentally with my all ducks in a row, to give someone that kind of committed relationship
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#3

Postby quietvoice » Tue Nov 14, 2017 2:05 am

seeingthelight wrote: There's always a lot of social pressure to have a wife, kids and the house with the white picket fence.

There's lots of social pressure for not thinking for yourself. It must be right, if everyone else is doing it. Really?

"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. "
~ Mark Twain
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#4

Postby seeingthelight » Tue Nov 14, 2017 1:26 pm

Thanks quietvoice. It's not that I don't want all those things in life. When you don't have your life together though, you really can't be there for someone else the way you'd like to
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#5

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue Nov 14, 2017 1:58 pm

seeingthelight wrote: It's not that I don't want all those things in life. When you don't have your life together though, you really can't be there for someone else the way you'd like to


Two things to consider:

-1- Your life is already “together”. It is a false premise to say you don’t have your life together, because you do have a certain amount of “together” that allows you to accomplish certain goals. You have your life together to the extent you can accomplish X or Y or Z. You have your life together as to be capable of accomplishing this or that goal. What a person means to say when they use a general statement of not having their life together, it means, “I am not yet prepared to accomplish goal E or F.” In your case E being marriage. What “together” means is something different for each individual.

-2- The process of getting your life “together” may in fact change your goals. Maybe goal E is not right for you? As we proceed towards a goal for which we believe we are not ready, we may discover other opportunities in life, other goals we would rather achieve than the original goal E.
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#6

Postby HumanB » Tue Nov 14, 2017 2:18 pm

seeingthelight wrote:I love dating and meeting new women.
Have you tried dating more casually? Enjoying a woman's company without getting so dependent upon it or its future?

You don't have to stop meeting new women, stop dating, stop sharing physical intimacy, become a monk, just because you don't want to 'get involved' and are not ready for a very involved, committed monogonous relationship. You can draw boundaries and be upfront about where you are at.
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#7

Postby seeingthelight » Tue Nov 14, 2017 3:31 pm

Sure, I plan to give it a try when the time is right. Unfortunately, I don't think that will be for a long time. As of now, I have a lot of personal issues to address. Serious issues that effect my future. It's like getting your car paint job, when the engine is blown. And yes, I've dated casually and had a lot of fun times and adventure, in the past
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#8

Postby seeingthelight » Fri Nov 17, 2017 4:39 pm

To close this thread out.. I plan on staying single for a couple years and working on building my future. Soon as everything is in place, I'll definitely get back out there into the casual dating scene!
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