How to overcome insecurities?

#15

Postby laureat » Thu Nov 16, 2017 4:39 am

1) if you dont know what to do simply ignore how you feel and do what you want to do

2) trust oneself you are good enough and you will succeed: optional you can write down the success to remind oneself you doing good

3) mistakes, rejection failure; they are part of life and we have no other option but sometimes we have to deal with it: we have to trust ourselves we can handle it when happens

The basic problem is you dont trust oneself and your questions are: am i good enough? What if i fail? And the answers are yes you are good enough and even if you fail you can handle it, and even if you dont know what todo simply ignore how you feel and move forwards
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#16

Postby qqsszz » Thu Nov 16, 2017 6:25 pm

quietvoice wrote:You have stated that you are quiet, so it doesn't surprise me that the other person talks most of the time. However, are you sincerely interested in what they say, and do you show that interest by your speech and body language? Or are you too wrapped up in self-consciousness to even notice what they are talking about? If you are not sincerely interested, and don't want to become interested, that's okay. You may need to find someone who is of interest to you. Nothing wrong with that.

I dont think that is the problem, I am interested in the person I am talking to
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#17

Postby TheCloud » Thu Nov 16, 2017 6:27 pm

qqsszz wrote:I want to be able to socialize like a normal person, I want to feel I have friends and I want to belive that I can have a girlfriend and will not die alone.
I think that if I don't fix my problems with socializing, I will end up living alone (and dying alone)


Do you feel that you are a productive individual who can take care of yourself and/or contribute to society? Aside from your social skills, are you confident that you can "make it" in this world?
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#18

Postby seeingthelight » Fri Nov 17, 2017 4:30 pm

I have a good group of friends I grew up with. Friendships that are going for 25-30 years strong. People that have my back no matter what. I work REALLY hard and have a lot of accomplishments in my respective field. I'm not too concerned about what people think outside of close friends and family. At work, I'm usually too busy with my craft to get involved with water cooler talk. However, I throw on a smile and do what I have to do at a high level. As for having a girl, if it happens down the road, great! If not, it's not going to make or break me. Don't focus, obsess and worry about having a girlfriend and dying alone. Focus on living a good life and being productive. Someone you're into and vice versa might come your way.. You never know
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#19

Postby qqsszz » Fri Nov 17, 2017 5:02 pm

TheCloud wrote:
qqsszz wrote:I want to be able to socialize like a normal person, I want to feel I have friends and I want to belive that I can have a girlfriend and will not die alone.
I think that if I don't fix my problems with socializing, I will end up living alone (and dying alone)


Do you feel that you are a productive individual who can take care of yourself and/or contribute to society? Aside from your social skills, are you confident that you can "make it" in this world?

Yes, everyhing else in my life is fine. I don't think I am productive individual of society because the only thing I do is going to college, but I am sure I will be.
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#20

Postby TheCloud » Fri Nov 17, 2017 7:52 pm

qqsszz wrote:Yes, everyhing else in my life is fine. I don't think I am productive individual of society because the only thing I do is going to college, but I am sure I will be.


If that is so, then find something to do, some way you can contribute through work. You're awkward with words, so speak with your actions. People who are useful will automatically be regarded positively unless they are really unpleasant. Being shy won't be enough to turn someone you've worked with against you.

Of course, you'll still have to actually talk with people if you want to socialize. But it will be a lot easier when you're with people who have worked with you and know that you're a decent person. Remember that your main issue is not that you are indecent or immoral, but only that your lack of skill and awareness when it comes to social situations. And that is not a crime. Insecurity is not a sin or a reason for guilt.

What you need is a way to be comfortable around people, even if you're not talking with them. And that's what work is for, because when you are doing important work it takes priority, so it doesn't matter if you're shy but only that other people see that you are working hard.

Unless you don't think that will help your confidence. But you do have to come up with something that will help your confidence, if you want to progress. And that means being around other people and having them notice you somehow. If you don't work yourself up to at least that, then there will be no overcoming your insecurities.

Keep in mind that there is also the option of therapy. Having one person who is sworn to confidentiality to speak to might give you some valuable practice in sharing the thoughts you are having in a safe setting. I don't know about availability in your area, but it is something to consider.
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#21

Postby seeingthelight » Fri Nov 17, 2017 9:27 pm

I can't really speak for OP, but I have no issues talking to and being around good people whom I consider friends. Corporate work environments tend to have a lot of backstabbing and cut throat people.. That will do anything to survive. You can't rate your social interactions in a place a business. That's just it.. It's business. I can't even begin to explain some of the totally malicious and cruel stuff that goes on. You go in there, put a smile on your face, work hard and do everything possible to put the company in a position of success. If there's a social gathering, you try and make it there to be part of the company. You may end up with a few friends and good work relationships, however I believe you always have to separate business and pleasure
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