Low self esteem or something else?

Postby Angie » Sun Nov 26, 2017 4:04 pm

Hi all. I am a 35 year old woman living in Europe who recently filed for divorce. For many years i felt i should do that but i didn t have the courage. Few months ago, except my own frustrations that were pushing me to do that, i met somebody that gave me the courage to do it. i started a strictly sex relation with him but i realised soon that i am not that kind and that i am starting to get attached to him. Was something so new and so beautiful: he kept on telling me how hot and smart i am...how lucky he is to have me in his bed..in the same time he never gave me any reason to believe that we could have something more than a sex relation. He loved my shoes(r sexy) the way i dress...we were sexting for hours, sex was always great, super passionate. Later...after i filed for divorce he kept on asking if i am ok..how do i feel abt it and so on, like he really cared and that i guess it made me feel that we could actually have more than sex..On the other hand..if i analyse the situation...i am almost sure i would not be happy with him as he is arogant and selfish. I do not understand why i have these feelings.I know, i am aware(without being vain) that i am a smart good looking woman, but if i don't get compliments or a hungry look fm him one day(we work toghether) i get upset..start feeling stupid, i am dying for a text fm him to prove me that he saw me that day. it's just so strange..i am smart and very good in my work, people apreciate me a lot but i am feeling lonely and sad and "small" and insignifiant just because he didnt make me a compliment. Last time i invited him to my place he replied short"not tonight". It hurt my ego big time. I am depressed since then.I saw him 2 days ago with a woman in a shop..not necessarily a girlfriend (as i know him he has a very dificult caracter and just passed through a hard breakup) - it made me feel so
angry and ugly and sad. Also i have to mention that i don't really have friends to hang out with so i guess it's another reason for my happiness to depend so much on his appreciation.I get very upset and i suffer like hell when he doesn't appreaciate enough my work(or at least like this to seems to me), i am making super efforts at work to prove how good i am and that i am a valuable individual in his team...Cannot find something to really motivate me to move on without his compliment and appreciation, to put an end to this "thing" that we have and just ignore him...Help ? :)
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Nov 27, 2017 11:59 am

Low self esteem. Not just with him, but in general.

While you say that you know you are smart and good looking, you are always and still trying to prove yourself to those around you. You seek approval from others and if you don’t get it, that hurts and makes you try harder.

Not having any friends, etc. sexting for hours, this is very much a strong indication that you are very much focused on you, you, you, and only you. When you do something for anyone else, it is never truly selfless, but rather with this underlying desire to obtain some form of recognition.

You are getting divorced for the wrong reasons. I’m not saying there might not be other reasons to get a divorce, but some guy making you feel special is not one of them.

I recommend you take a step back and then figure out how to start building your self esteem.
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#2

Postby Angie » Mon Nov 27, 2017 2:03 pm

So true :) ... As for the divorce...are many other reasons involved. I do need to take a step back and find the magic formula for building my selfesteem...just not sure how to. I guess i have to find a way if i keep saying i am smart :)
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#3

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Nov 27, 2017 2:17 pm

Angie wrote:So true :) ... building my selfesteem...just not sure how to. I guess i have to find a way if i keep saying i am smart


Take the phrase "building self-esteem" literally. How do you build something? You start small, you start with a single brick, you start with a small project or goal. You don't start of trying to build a 50 story skyscraper if you have never built anything before. You start with building a mud hut, then a wood shack, then a small stone home, etc. etc. You work up to the ability to build the skyscraper. You scaffold, building self esteem one goal at a time.

Write down your goals, track your goals, keep a journal of your accomplishments. Create an "I can" list which documents the things you know you can do. Build off that list.
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#4

Postby Angie » Mon Nov 27, 2017 6:37 pm

This sounds so much as the Self appraisal that i just did at work :) Will definetly follow your advice..Thank you!
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#5

Postby Purnanand-Bharti » Mon Dec 04, 2017 9:27 am

I will describe this is one word "Self Esteem". You need to enhance/build your self esteem and it is very important to you.
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