Wandering around aimlessly in life and without purpose!

#75

Postby victorias_secret » Wed Dec 06, 2017 1:35 pm

I woke up at 8am. I took diphenhydramine to help me sleep the night before. It did.

Work started at 9am. I responded to emails and a telephone call. I finished up a single garage. 6x4m. Prepared a location map and a block plan the planning application that was to be submitted today. I then moved onto a design project I was given a floor area and from that I had to work out 3 bedroom dwelling and 2 bedroom to suit. The site has limited space and the client wants to keep costs down. I set my layer to 3, green and went to work. I offset a line 350mm. Sized the bedrooms. Allowed for wall thickness. Added kitchen sink, cooker, sofas, beds etc..for visual effect and to get a better feel of the space being used.

Red brick walls and a grey brick plinth. Sliding sash windows added. Doors created. I drew a title block around the drawings and set a scale of 1:100 on a A3 page. Printed a hard copy. Then went to work on the next house type. I had to 6 of these. Save. Copy. Paste. Move. Trim.
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#76

Postby victorias_secret » Thu Dec 07, 2017 10:15 am

I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia. I tend to show a lot of the schizophrenia negative symptoms in comparison with the positive symptoms (of which there are none!)

I'm going to interpersonal therapy but struggle with this, since I have no clear goals in life that I want to achieve.

Negative Symptoms:
Social withdrawal.
Anhedonia.
Lethargy.
Reductions in speech.
Apathy.
Blunted emotional responses.
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#77

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Thu Dec 07, 2017 1:07 pm

Went for a short run this morning. Saw Catalina, talked about her business. Then went for breakfast. Scrambled eggs w/ tomatoes and onions, a bread roll, a slice of cheese and a cup of café con leche, for $1.25. Time to start the day.

You’re not schizophrenic Jason. You have clear goals. You even pursue those goals on a regular basis. You are not apathetic or unmotivated, quite the contrary. You invest huge amounts of time and effort on your self-identity. You are highly motivated to maintain your image of the apathetic, unmotivated individual. You want people to believe you are unmotivated so bad, that you have spent hours, days, years being motivated to discuss your so called lack of motivation.

Anyway, guess if you go to enough therapy and/or therapists they will eventually diagnose you with something.
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#78

Postby victorias_secret » Thu Dec 07, 2017 1:43 pm

I have no idea what you are talking about/
.

anyway I had a turkey sandwich and water.
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#79

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Thu Dec 07, 2017 1:49 pm

victorias_secret wrote:I have no idea what you are talking about/


Evidence that you are not unmotivated.
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#80

Postby victorias_secret » Thu Dec 07, 2017 1:54 pm

You've lost me. Don't know what you mean.

I just made coffee. Got back to my desk and responded to emails.
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#81

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Thu Dec 07, 2017 2:00 pm

victorias_secret wrote:You've lost me. Don't know what you mean.


Very simple. You are a highly motivated individual Jason. You are not apathetic.
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#82

Postby victorias_secret » Thu Dec 07, 2017 2:02 pm

Hey? Don't get it!

I'm at my desk, tracing a site plan. Empty. Void.
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#83

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Thu Dec 07, 2017 2:06 pm

victorias_secret wrote:Hey? Don't get it!.


I get it. I got it several posts ago. You are once again in your mode where you pretend not to get it. So feel free to respond yet again with not getting it.

You do seem to be very motivated today. Good for you.
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#84

Postby victorias_secret » Thu Dec 07, 2017 2:11 pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0ZKH2PGA8g

"They’ll legalize any drug so long as it keeps you producing. You kicking out enough boxes at the plant? Well, here you go. Whatever keeps you doing that, keeps you vaguely content sitting in a cubicle. Go ahead. FDA-approved. “I have a job where I alphabetize insurance forms for 45 hours a week, and I noticed I couldn’t concentrate so well in my job, so my doctor put me on Adderall, and now I can just breeze through my work day. I don’t even notice that my empty life is being pissed away underneath fluorescent tubes. I have no highs or lows. I have no good stories. But I’m getting a lot of stuff done. I’m probably the most boring person I know, but look at me produce.” You don’t need to take a pill for that. You’re not concentrating because that’s boring, and that’s a natural reaction to boring.
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#85

Postby mata » Fri Dec 08, 2017 2:43 pm

at the begining of your post, i felt i kinda understand what you re feeling so i kept reading.
i dont know if you are actually trolling as they said, i understand feeling just going through the motions,it sounds you feel empty and you dont just cant understand why, so you keep trying stuff, see if it feels right.
im far for from being an expert on anythin, i just feel (like you i think) i want to do,i want to live but i cant find what i actually want to do with my life. its the question i could never answer. i can tell you what i dont want always but i can never say i want -that-. i quit my job almost 6 months ago feeling i couldnt keep acting ok to keep me at work, feeling totally unfulfilled by that job and like you,i did nothin with the money for myself . thats our problem, and they might be right by saying that you may keep be taking the easy way ,the wrong and unproductive way, cause you luck of motivation upon yourself. you dont believe you deserve of the things you d like to be happening to you. so fearing of failure you never start walking that way at all.
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#86

Postby mata » Fri Dec 08, 2017 2:50 pm

i read it again and if you understand anything ,i hope i helps.

you need to imagine what would a person you admire, a person you would want to be would to. and start trying to live by that. not impersonate an actual someone. just start putting rules upon yourself and follow them like you have to. because you have to to that for you. you, not other people. and when you see that you are not as uselless as you've convinced yourself you are, you are gonna start feeling good about yourself. maybe even proud. you need a reason to keep going, you got to be that reason. and hopefully it will go well, it mught go bad, but thats life, for everyone. you need to be strong, your one job is to survive, be the person you want by putting more responsibility to your life.
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#87

Postby victorias_secret » Sat Dec 09, 2017 9:25 pm

I'm looking for a forum so I can create a blog about my work schedule and therapy sessions. Thanks in advance.
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#88

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sat Dec 09, 2017 9:45 pm

victorias_secret wrote:I'm looking for a forum so I can create a blog about my work schedule and therapy sessions. Thanks in advance.


Why? What goal do you think that will accomplish?
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#89

Postby victorias_secret » Thu Dec 14, 2017 1:52 pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1s88Ze41pRU

to answer any and all future questions.

Thank You.
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