Falling Out of Love or Anxiety?

Postby Maixnhi » Mon Dec 18, 2017 9:42 am

My boyfriend have been together since my junior year of high school; for two years. He was 18, I was 16. We liked each other for two years before accepting that our feelings weren't going away and that it we were ready to be together. It was perfect; despite being so young, we knew that we were meant to be. We were happy, and even for a whole year of being long distance, we were faithful, and still so incredibly in love. He was and still is everything I wanted, wanted everything I wanted, and we were both raised to be very mature and independent.
I started college a few months ago, and everything was fine, until a month and a half ago. I went to the doctor's and took a required mental health survery. The nurse further examined my mental health with some questions, and concluded that I most likely have some extreme form of anxiety and depression and that she couldn't officially diagnose it herself.
Ever since, I have been so much more aware of my thoughts, and because of this, the anxiety is stronger and worse than ever. I started doubting the love I have for my boyfriend, whether or not it was real. Whether or not we were too young for this. I don't want my relationship to end because he is truly the sweetest, kindest, greatest person I've ever met in all areas.
It started off with just a few thoughts here and there, and now it is the only thing on my mind; my grades were straight A's until this started, I can only sleep an hour or two at a time because I always wake up thinking about him. I want to be with him and I am so terrified and scared and confused.
We are very honest with each other, so I've told him everything, and I tell him everytime I feel this way, whih has become every moment of every day. And he is so understanding and willing to help and stay by my side.
I am so lose and scared and I want to know if this is normal or not, and whether or not I'm falling out of love or if it is just my anxiety
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Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Dec 18, 2017 11:38 am

So you were making straight A’s until you were told you have extreme anxiety and depression. Did it ever occur to you that it is impossible for a person that has extreme anxiety and depression to make straight A’s?

I know the sensitive clinicians will be all hurt, but let’s put that college education to work for a minute. Do you think that tests, especially tests that measure subjective mental states, might sometimes not be very accurate? When you think of a person that is “extremely” depressed, is that person going to college, let alone making straight A’s?

As a society, shouldn’t we reserve the label “extreme” for cases where the person can’t get out of bed, they don’t want to shower, they can’t hold a job? Hell! If a college student making straight A’s can qualify as “extreme” what do we possibly label the poor bastards that can’t get out of bed in the morning?

Anyway, I would question the validity of the test you took. But, let’s put that aside for a moment and look at a more important issue, that the results of a single mental test is what you claim has sent you into some sort of non-A making tailspin. This single test has you questioning X and Y and Z.

That doesn’t sound like depression and it doesn’t sound like anxiety. It sounds like someone that has low self esteem, low self confidence. You are driven to make A’s and to be in a relationship, and are motivated in life by what others think of you. You have high levels of confidence in academic settings, where your ability is well calibrated with actual demands, but you have low confidence socially. You hold certain beliefs about love, relationships, etc. that are not well calibrated, so you are much more susceptible to others opinions about your mental state and issues related to social matters.

At your age, not being calibrated for intimate relationships is normal. School you’ve had time to become well calibrated, it is routine. Relationships are not as easy, because unlike an academic setting there is no formal learning process. Still, the fact you took a single test and all of the sudden you are in such a state of distress is a good sign you need to work on building your social skills.

I suggest you ignore the test and focus on two goals, (1) school and (2) building your self confidence in the area of social skills, and I’m not talking online chats.
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