Connect with Uncommon Knowledge
|
|
|
Addictions and Habits Resources
|
|
|
|
|
lostinreality
New Member
Joined: 03 Jun 2010
Posts: 1
Thu Jun 03, 2010 10:06 pm
|
| I can't stop using alcohol as a crutch |
 |
Hi, I just joined this forum because I think I might be an alcoholic and I don't know how to control it.
I'm 19 and a university student, and at first it wasn't a problem, being away from home was exciting for everyone, we were all getting drunk all the time, uni was just one massive party. Something changed, I don't know how or what, but suddenly I just felt like I couldn't enjoy myself or deal with anything without being drunk. Literally. When there's something I have to do, which makes me nervous or worried in anyway, I just think to myself, I know, I'll get pissed, that'll make it easier to deal with.
I'm back at home for the summer now, but for the past 2 months I was barely going out or seeing anyone, I just spent all my time sitting in my room on my own getting drunk. I'd get through probably 2 litres of vodka a week, and only left my room when I absolutely had to. I miss this. I really miss drinking whenever I'm not, and I think about it all the tie and when I'm next going to drink. I can't do it so much at home because of my parents. I can't wait to get back to uni in september so I can live my life how I choose and get drunk whenever I feel like. I know this is wrong.
I've been depressed for the last 4/5 years, and I drink a lot because I have this notion in my head that the drunker I get, the happier I'll get. Its never really worked out, but I stick at it. I always drink to get drunk, except when I'm at home. At home i drink almost every night, but its just a few glasses of wine, but at uni its whole bottles of vodka, and I'd never dream of just stopping at tipsy. I aim to get so drunk I pass out.
I don't know how to have conversations sober, I hate it. I hate people. I hate myself and my life and how pathetic I am and how I'm too afraid to get help. I have scars on my thigh from self harming and I hate them. I hate that I did that to myself and have ruined my body forever, but I know that I'll do it again.
I've always been quiet and shy, but now I have alcohol to use and a crutch and I just can't bring myself to stop. I like being drunk, and I don't know how I can feel happy or in control or relaxed sober.
I'm not even sure what I'm hoping to acheive by posting this nonsense here. |
| |
