What Is Wrong With Me?

Postby Cwagstrike » Wed Dec 27, 2017 5:07 pm

I have multiple disorders and what not, can anyone narrow down what i definately have? Im currently diagnosed with schizophrenia, anxiety, severe depression (about ten or so attempts at suicide so far) and adhd.
I see and hear things all the time, whispers, shadows, sometimes people telling me to kill myself, at times i can even feel people touching me and no one will be there. Sometimes the talking is so loud it wakes me up in the middle of the night and at times its like whatever they tell me i have to do like i have no control. For instance an old ladys voice told me to kill myself while i was in a psychiatric ward (for attempted suicide no less) and it was like someone flipped an auto switch in me like i was a programmed robot.
Im constantly trying to kill myself, my arms are littered with scars from these attempts. I cry alot for no reason and feel like humanity is a hopeless useless cause with all the killing, destruction, and harshness of others.
I was abused heavily in the past by my father and hurt by just about everyone else ive met in my life even though i always put others before myself.
I have a hard time concentrating and although i try really hard i often cant do well academically. However i have an amazing mind, i can remember every note in every song i hear even if i only heard it once, if i have a conversation with someone or watch a movie i can remember every line word for word including tone, yet some things are beyond me like directions to travel somewhere even if its only ten mins away.
I have an immense gift for art like drawing and painting. But i have trouble communicating with others, such as when things get emotional for me or others i usually shut down completely even though i want to comfort the other person. i have trouble keeping eye contact with others and never ever show my true feelings or expressions to others, many have said i wear a mask, figuratively.
When i was in middle school i realized how weird and disliked i was by others, so i began to mimic and copy what all the popular people did and slowly became more “normal” and liked.
Just to alleviate these issues in the past ive done many drugs just to numb myself from the outside world. Its like i cant find joy in anything anymore and i never see that light at the end of the tunnel, i dont believe i ever did as i remember wishing i could die and just leave this earth as young as 4 years old.
My family keeps telling me to put everything in the past but it affects me every day still, i cant even escape in my sleep as im plagued with nightmares all the time....

Do i have any other disorders? how do i find good in life? What can i do or attend where there are people like me? And will i ever stop trying to kill myself? I dont even know what im asking but im hoping someone will say something that will somehow change my life forever for the better.....
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Dec 27, 2017 6:14 pm

Cwagstrike wrote:My family keeps telling me to put everything in the past

...how do i find good in life?


By listening to your family.

im hoping someone will say something that will somehow change my life forever for the better.....


That isn’t going to happen. You control you. You want to place cause for your actions outside of you, but that is an excuse. No matter what a person says, YOU are the judge, jury, and executioner that gets to decide whether or not to act on those words.

Your family is a great example. They say, “put everything in the past.” That advice could change your life forever for the better, but YOU reject that advice, you decide and say it is not good enough, etc.

There is no magical phrase to appease you, there is no philosophical advice to be some life altering revelation. There is only and your own ability to control you, regardless of what someone else might say to you.
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#2

Postby quietvoice » Wed Dec 27, 2017 9:02 pm

Cwagstrike wrote:I dont even know what im asking but im hoping someone will say something that will somehow change my life forever for the better.....

Here's what will change your life forever. Visit YouTube channel John Rose. If you can do what he teaches, "you'll be in for a treat!"
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