12 hours sober: The Marijuana Diaries :-C

Postby Pothead1990 » Mon Jan 01, 2018 10:17 am

Hey,
I am a 27 years old male. I am broke, unemployed and possibly depressed (I have never had a formal diagnosis). I started smoking pot on and off 9 years ago. My father was abusive to my mother from the day I was born until I was sixteen (I am old enough to intervene now, and did a few months ago, so scared that one day I might kill him). I have a poor recollection of my childhood except some good times and other less good times (molested by a neighbor by the way).
I have two degrees, and besides the first four years of early schooling, I have never ever failed an exam, been expelled, arrested, got into a fight, cheated, cheated on a partner, or done anything that would offend my parents' sensibilities.
I am an atheist (unapologetic), and hold very liberal views on many things. I have a girlfriend who I lied to that I have reduced my smoking but I could not.
I have worked at three different places and quit a total of three times, the longest being 10 months. No one in my family knows I have a substance abuse problem, I have seen two shrinks but I gave up on them (one of them tried to introduce a little Jesus into my life). Anyway, I cannot afford therapy anyway, nor do I want to get it from someone whose knowledge of drugs came from a textbook or youtube.
I workout like hell! In fact I am 10X more likely to work out when high. I am a slow driver. I read rather often I think.

My situation would perhaps be clearer to a fellow African (or member of the infamous third world) because we have very limited resources of all kinds to handle this kind of problem. For example, many guidance counselors in schools here staunchly believe that weed is more toxic than alcohol and tobacco and that it necessarily causes crime, schizophrenia etc. Needless to say, that is a very long way away from having an entire state legalizing/decriminalizing marijuana. I therefore ask that this context is understood as we discuss things.

I am very aware of my situation but I am worried that this will not go on for long. Someone please help me to stop smoking weed so that all of these problems can be on the way to being addressed]

Sincerely,
The Pothead1990.
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#1

Postby HDog455 » Tue Jan 02, 2018 5:24 am

The thing about quitting weed is that no one can really "help" you (as an individual) to do that. You have to reach down deep inside yourself to find the courage and mental fortitude that you will need to make the decision, and then do what is required to avoid relapsing. There is a lot of content posted on this forum that will help you discover and understand what others have done in order to achieve their goals. All the best.
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#2

Postby Pothead1990 » Tue Jan 02, 2018 5:28 am

Thank you HDog455, I will give it my best shot!
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#3

Postby EdenG » Thu Jan 04, 2018 1:17 pm

Hi again Pothead1990,

I’m a 28 year old female; almost 12 weeks off weed.

I’ve just read your post and want you to know I’m here to talk to. I am in Australia so our time difference may make it difficult, but you are not alone.

As HDogg455 said, I cannot “help” you stay off marijuana.
I am someone who has been through, what I’d consider, the hardest part of getting off weed though. The first 72-96 hours.

I have struggled with depression for the past 14 years and have battled with anxiety for the past 5ish years.
The first 72 hours of being off weed I would always feel depressed as f*#% and suicidal. It was awful and I didn’t get past 72 hours without it for a while. It took me 12-18 months of trying to cut down/cut it out before I was actually able to do it.

“They” say it takes 3 weeks to break a habit.
In those 3 weeks you may have difficulty sleeping, night sweats, nightmares/vivid and not so nice dreams. It does get better though and you just have to tough it out unfortunately. Not having a job is both a blessing and a ‘curse’ when getting off weed. If you don’t sleep well at “proper” sleep times, you can sleep during the day. But you also don’t have a job to “escape” to and to help distract you.

What degrees do you have? What did you study? Why have you decided to give up pot? What are your goals in life/what do you want for yourself?

I must sleep now as it’s after midnight here, but take care of yourself and one piece of advice I’ll give again: get rid of your “stash”. If you’ve not already done so :)

Thanks for being here.

- Eden
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#4

Postby Pothead1990 » Thu Jan 04, 2018 5:05 pm

Hey Eden!
Thank you for listening :mrgreen: I cannot stress how much that means to me. I hope you slept well. The time difference sucks, but we'll manage. Greetings from Kenya!
I get depressed as **** too often and weed has always been my go to gal. Never been a drinker even though my old man was and I have seen first hand the devastation booze can cause not to mention it makes me physically ill.
I am going on four days now, and I did not think I would make it, but alas! It's thanks to this forum that I am still going strong.
I decided to quit because I want to believe that I can exercise some control over my use/abuse of this substance. I have been smoking daily for the better part of my early twenties and I go way out of my way sometimes to do so. That scares me shitless.
I also don't like the hellish measures I have to take to keep the habit a secret from my friends and family because it is exhausting to say the least!
I don't have any medical issues related to pot, but if a recent respiratory infection is anything to go by, it is only a matter of time, cough! cough! :shock:
It would be great to save a little $$$ too. I don't remember what being sober for 6 months straight feels like, longest I've gone is three weeks (due to a lack of access). My natural disposition has always been that of a sad loner, weed was my friend in need, my comfort but the relationship has become overwhelming.
Yes, a lack of employment sucks major balls Eden so I am always searching for new opportunities, and I work for my folks (for next to nothing). I have always been curious as to whether my smoking has affected how I make my job applications or behave during interviews. I don't know, but there is only one way to find out and this is it.
I have a BS in Business Admin with a concentration in Info Systems as well as an MBA with Finance.
My goals? To join a research firm, or even academia where I can create real value by encouraging evidence-based thinking (this is badly lacking in my country). I tried to get rid of my stash (I'm sorry Eden) but I only put it in a sealed box which I could open if I really tried! This is the power that cannabis has over me, this is why I have to quit, because I want to be the one in charge!
Going on 4 days now, my goal is 12 months, but three weeks sounds more realistic given the extent of my dependence. Feeling sickish, in my gut and I'm sweating liters by the minute.
How are things down under? :D I am encouraged that you managed overcome this problem, well done! How are you now? How do you manage cravings, if any?
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#5

Postby EdenG » Fri Jan 05, 2018 1:26 pm

Hello my new friend (May I ask your name? lol)

No worries at all, we're all here to help each other in some way or another, well that's the way I see it at least :)

I'm not a drinker either; I don't like feeling drunk and even the tipsy feeling bothers me. I'm also allergic to sulphites which are used as a preservative in a few different kinds of alcohol, so I am prone to headaches if I drink.

Weed was never an "issue" for me (before I got into a relationship with an ex of mine) and I was able to just smoke it occasionally when with friends who were having a joint or whatever. Like, once every 3-6 months.
This particular ex boyfriend was an alcoholic, weed addict so I was turned off alcohol even more because of the way it would change him when he drank. Weed changed him too, but it just made him "happier" and more chilled so I could deal with that.
While I was with him, I almost kind of took on the whole "if you can't beat them, join them" mentality for a while and would smoke with him. It's not much fun being sober around high people and I didn't enjoy being around him if he was stoned and I wasn't. Plus, I enjoyed being high, so I didn't see it as much of a problem as I had always been able to take it or leave it.

Once I finally managed to get out of that very complicated relationship with the ex, I unfortunately had started using weed as my crutch to cope with the anxiety he had contributed to in my life. I didn't realise I was using it as a crutch at the time, obviously, but now - years later - I can see that's what was going on.

Great work for being four days sober! You're doing amazingly :) Having to keep the habit a secret from friends and family is really tough and I definitely know how that feels. Since starting to quit I've told the majority of the people in my life, including my closest work colleagues and my goodness it feels so good that people know. And haven't judged me negatively, thankfully.

Awww, you're not a sad loner, you've got the wonderful people on here!
I know what you mean though; I've always been one to have a few close friends and not a large circle of friends. I am definitely an introvert, however, people wouldn't guess it if they met me. I keep to myself a lot and like my own company. Loneliness does creep in, but that's why I have made a little 5 year plan for myself in the past few weeks.
Hence my question about your goals.
I have found that since having figured out my "plan", I've been a lot happier and feeling less lonely, when alone.

What kind of work do you do for your folks?
What kind of "research" would you like to do? Sorry, I'm not sure what you mean by "encouraging evidence-based thinking" or in what context you mean it. Does it relate to the degrees you've studied? I think that's where I'm getting lost, trying to connect your degrees to what you'd like to do as an occupation :P

Awww, well, I hope you don't break in to your stash; if you manage to get to 3 weeks you will have "broken the habit" and may as well just keep going! You already are the one in charge of this habit, you can choose to say "no" to cannabis even if your brain is telling you that it's too hard and you just want to smoke it.

Are there friends who you only see if you're smoking?
Not seeing them for a while is probably a good idea if you do. If they're real friends, they'll understand that you need to not be around weed for a bit while you try to get yourself off the stuff.

You'll begin to feel less sick in the tummy soon and you'll even find you get your appetite back! I found that the strangest thing, I used to have to smoke at least 3 cones before I'd feel hungry enough to eat dinner at night after work. (I smoked nightly as I have full time employment.)

Haha things down under are pretty good :) We're about to have a 41 degree (celsius) day tomorrow, which I can't say I'm looking forward to. 25-35 degrees is beautiful, but 41 is ridiculous! :P

I'm feeling pretty great now that I'm 12 weeks (today) without weed and I am soooo proud of myself for staying off it this long. There's no point turning back and ruining all my good work.

I don't find that I really have cravings for it now, however, if I smell it, I still really love the smell. Sometimes I'll get the "man, it'd be nice to just go to a friends' place and have a joint or a cone" thought pop into my head if I've had a stressful day at work or just because it was a nightly routine for so long.
I have been smoking cigarettes for the last 12 weeks, but as of today I've run out of tobacco and have decided I don't want to waste any more money on it, so am going to try not to buy any more. Fingers crossed I can get off tobacco. I've smoked tobacco daily for 12 years so it's going to be tough...

I hope you're having a great day and that sleep was okay last night :)

P.S: how great is it that we can have these chats from the other side of the world? I mean, I know the time difference sucks, but seriously, the internet is a fabulous thing sometimes! Lol I know I sound like an old person saying that as the internet has been around for so long, but you're in Kenya and I'm in Australia and we can chat about an addiction we both have in common thanks to the internet and I think that's pretty rad :)
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#6

Postby Pothead1990 » Sun Jan 07, 2018 1:50 pm

Eden :-) :-)
It is absolutely mind-blowing that we can connect across two continents separated by vast oceans and share our struggles. I can only imagine what the year 2100 has in store for humanity. Well, I guess I do have a handful of friends too, welcome to the fold! Now, I'm sad to report that I broke into my stash, and I rolled three joints BUT I managed to give them away to a friend before I could partake. That was very difficult.
I would like to work as a researcher and grow in that line of work. When I say evidence-based thinking I mean it in the context of decision-making by business managers and policy makers. How can I drive this agenda through a career you ask? Well I believe that by teaching research methods (in business and in the social sciences) I can be part of a drive to encourage students and professionals to use data and statistical techniques to arrive at conclusions rather than just good old-fashioned intuition, or to complement the latter at least. Yes, I studied business, but along that path I encountered research methods and statistics which I have since fallen hopelessly in love with. What I do for my parents is help run them with the day to day workings of their real estate business, and given our relationship this includes anything from buying roofing tiles to filing taxes. Unemployment here is a real biatch!!
Back to the weed.
I am now one week sober and many herbal teas later I am happy to report 0 physical withdrawal symptoms. But the cravings are Satan incarnate let me tell ya!! :twisted: My mind just keeps telling me roll a joint and smoke the sh** out of it :cry: :cry: . I remain optimistic and continue to inundate myself with positive distractions, like you milady.
It's time to put those cigarettes down Eden, we can't afford to have that fine pair of lungs desecrated. If you kicked pot, I know you will succeed with cutting back on the cancer sticks, we are all 100% behind you. I cannot even begin to fathom 36 degrees let alone 41!! That's crazy. Your climate is tropical just like ours, and if the pictures are anything to go by, it is a damn beautiful place to be. I used to love Steve Irwin RIP by the way, me and my big bro would watch him make out with crocodiles and what not! There's also a Kenyan-born senator (Lucy Gichuhi) in your country! I think she got in on a technicality but still how crazy is that!?
I too have had a toxic relationship in the past, and boy did we do some drugs together :shock: :shock: . Fortunately I got out in time before we could do more damage, she hurt me really bad Eden.
I am sorry about your experience. Once again, thank you for giving me your time, and to the good people of the uncommon thread, live long and prosper.
My name rhymes with Sternest ;-)
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#7

Postby Pothead1990 » Tue Jan 09, 2018 5:28 am

Hi again,
After a week of sobriety ending with a relapse yesterday I can honestly say this thread has been important.
I now understand my addiction better. My problem is not so much my dependence on weed as it is my brokeness and crushing unemployment. These are what drive me to smoke. They make me feel inadequate and worthless before my peers and my family.That is what I need to address; my financial woes. This is a conclusion I arrived at while sober.
A lot of the good people here at the uncommon forum are legitimately suffering because of weed in and of itself but I cannot trace my problems to weed. It is a symptom/effect of my problems and not the other way around.
When I smoke I am temporarily relieved but I remain broke and unemployed. I don't want to smoke anymore, and I think I can. We don't get particularly strong weed around here fortunately. I mean you'd really have to bend over backwards to get it and it would still be 10X less potent than the stuff y'all get in the West. It was therefore not too difficult to stop cold turkey and even give away my stash and watch someone smoke it in front of me.
Would I like to stop smoking? Yes. But I have to address 'why' I smoke first.
Make no mistake, I still consider my smoking a serious issue which I must address immediately, but I am in the wrong forum. I need to be in the forum for guys who are struggling to find work, not even meaningful work, just work. Some people here are very successful in that respect (business & employment) despite a marijuana problem (an almost unique feature of this drug)
In a way, I am glad that my recourse was to weed and not alcohol, cigarettes or opioids because that would only have been a sh** show. This forum helped me so much and I will be recommending it to friends and family who are brave enough let me in on their smoking problem. My final thoughts on this is that in order to kill the snake we must cut the head off, we abuse drugs because of underlying pain, we need to treat the pain, I know I do. All the best trying to kick the habit, doing so is a very healthy and progressive decision.
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#8

Postby EdenG » Tue Jan 09, 2018 8:45 am

Oh no! I may be replying too late...

I hope you'll come back to this forum as I truly believe this is a great place to talk when you are getting yourself off weed. I believe it will be truly beneficial to your finding a job, if you stay off weed.

Although you don't believe weed is your problem and that it's unemployment that's the main problem you have, it will still be very helpful to be on here whilst you are getting off weed.

I'm glad you gave the joints (from your stash) you rolled to a friend before you could smoke them the other day; the relapse yesterday doesn't sound like a great/positive thing, but I totally understand. It took me a while before I was able to totally cut it out.

I have been seeing a psychologist to sort out my other issues, whilst cutting weed out of my life which has been very important in my overall ability to quit.
The thing that drove me to smoke was my anxiety, depression and my lack of self worth, despite having a job, place to live, friends, etc. Smoking did not help those things though and it won't help you find employment.
As you said, it only helps temporarily.
I don't know whether you're in the wrong forum, all of us who are on this forum, have reasons "why" we smoke, yet we're all here trying to quit.

I hope you come back to this forum as we're all here to talk to if you need it :)

I take it your name is Ernest? From that lovely clue you gave me lol ;)
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#9

Postby Pothead1990 » Tue Jan 09, 2018 10:26 am

I have to stop smoking weed Eden, everything you've said makes me feel extremely guilty and weak. That's how I know that you are absolutely right. I did not intend to leave this forum, that would be premature. I've seen two different counselors but I also have two different reasons for not completing my therapy. I leave things too soon, before they can work, Goddammit i'm sorry Eden, I let us both down, let me reset, and try again like the other ninjas on the forum. Thank you Eden.
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#10

Postby EdenG » Tue Jan 09, 2018 10:58 am

No no no!! Do not feel guilty and weak!! You are NEITHER of those things!!
As I said, it took me 18 months of cutting down and failing, to FINALLY be able to give it up cold turkey.

I'm so glad you're not leaving the forum, that makes me happy :)

You didn't let me down and this is all part of your journey.
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#11

Postby Pothead1990 » Tue Jan 09, 2018 11:52 am

Alright let's take it from the top. I'll reference the reasons I want to quit which you intelligently made me list down. We are back at '0 days without a cannabis incident'. Yes, that's my name. How is it coming with the cigarettes? :-( you're like a digital super hero to me by the way.
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#12

Postby EdenG » Tue Jan 09, 2018 11:56 am

Okay, give me your reasons for wanting to quit :)

0 days without incident is okay, we've all got to start somewhere :)

Mmm cigarettes are proving to be quite difficult to give up... I'll get there. I went 48 hours without and now I've got them again... :( Not beating myself up about it as I know I will give them up. My goal is to do it by the end of this month. Trying again soon.

Haha a digital superhero hey? That's a huge compliment and I'm glad I can help :) Thanks!!
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#13

Postby Pothead1990 » Tue Jan 09, 2018 1:40 pm

I am quitting because I want to believe that I can exercise control over what I want to do and when. I want to quit because smoking on a regular basis will cause me physical harm and I know it. I am quitting because I don't like the depression and anxiety that comes about when I don't smoke and I want to deal with it not exacerbate it. I want to quit because frankly it's one less problem. End of the month? I'm behind you, all the way. Why do you think you smoke them nasty cigarettes? If I may ask:-)
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#14

Postby EdenG » Wed Jan 10, 2018 8:59 am

Nice reasons to quit and now that you know your reasons for quitting it'll be easier to do.

Why did you smoke weed?
Knowing why you smoked in the first place will also help you to overcome those things - or you'll be able to find someone who can help you overcome the initial problems that lead you to smoke :)

To be honest, I have no idea why I smoke cigarettes. I'm addicted. The nicotine has a nasty hold on my brain. More addictive than heroin "they" say... I don't enjoy them that's for sure! I used to enjoy them, but not so much anymore.

How's your day going today? How are you feeling? How was your sleep last night? :)
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