I'm 22 years old and I'm in a dire need of change

Postby Danielchung6 » Sat Jan 06, 2018 2:51 pm

Hello, this will be the first time that I've posted something in this site and how did I find out about this site in the first place? Well, I looked into forums about addiction/depression and when I had taken the time to read what the person is going through, it makes me believe that I'm not the only one or I don't have it as worse as that individual does! Anyways, since the new year has commenced, I really need to change. Ever since my highschool graduation that had taken place 3 years ago, my life had started to slowly go downhill and I was oblivious to it a first but slowly, I was beginning to catch on. I "relapsed" and gotten back into toking as before and what is so sad? After a year of probation and how all of the money was wasted just to see my P.O/taking drug classes, I still didn't take things serious. I've been toking for 7-8 years now and my first encounter with the substance is when it was during the summer of mt 7th grade year. Lol, a friend and I had gotten ripped off from a person that I despised and it was all for a qtr worth. It's hysterical to think about it and the strain was a low grade. My first time that I've gotten stoned? During the summer of my 8th grade year and that is when I started to get into Cannabis. I didn't toke frequently during middle school but when I had gotten into highschool, that is when things started to change! During highschool, I was the person who was around the stoner/party crowd since I was going through that phase in life and my god! I can't blame my parents when they state "you were reckless!" In retrospect, I had my reckless moments but I wished that I had listened to my family more. 17 is when I had gotten in trouble with the law and I regret everything about it! 3-4 months of probation(lol, nothing to worry about) and drug/alcohol class that I had to endure. It was just horrible/time consuming but I had no choice. I still never learned my lesson but my junior year of highschool was "shitty" for me. 18 is when I had gotten in trouble with the law for the second time for possession. I had 10 gs worth on me and unfortunately, I had to get caught. Smfh, it was just a sad/shitty year to endure. I'll admit I miss the feeling where your mind is cleared from everything and that is when you take sobriety serious for a year. During probation, I did take things serious because I had friends that still had the audacity to toke while they're on probation and still managed to get away with it. I could never comprehend on why but its their life to worry about, right? Now? Nothing has changed and I still be toking everyday but have been working out/hooping as well! I did change physically by being in shape but what good is that if you're not in shape mentally? I'm 22 years old, I still live with my mother, I don't have my own place, I'm not even in school, don't even have an income/occupation(I've been looking), and I'm driving a minivan for godsake. Pathetic/hysterical, huh? Lol, I don't blame you for thinking like that. Please, what can I do? I'm really in a DIRE need of change because I don't want my life to be stagnant.
Danielchung6
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#1

Postby EdenG » Tue Jan 09, 2018 11:53 am

Hi Daniel,

It sounds to me like you need to ask yourself "why" you smoke?
That is always a good place to start and will tell you what you need to work on in your life.
For me, depression and anxiety were the things I was using cannabis to get away from. When I smoked I wasn't anxious and I was able to get away from my brain, which is constantly thinking. However, it was only a temporary fix.
Once you know "why" you smoke, you'll know what you need to change.

Playing ball is definitely a great thing, exercise helps your brain produce good chemicals that make you feel better and will help you to sleep.

Ultimately, what I think you need to do, is quit smoking weed. It will not help your productivity and it won't help your memory. It won't help you to get a job or get on with your life.

I've now been off weed 3 months and 3 days and compared to 3 years of smoking it nightly, I feel a million times better.
I'm seeing a psychologist to help me overcome my anxiety and depression and instead of using cannabis to get away from my brain, I'm figuring out how to live with anxiety/depression and get better naturally - without weed.

It won't be easy to give up. You'll likely have night sweats and difficulty sleeping for the first 2 weeks - a month.
It is worth it though.
Look up "PAWS". Post acute withdrawal syndrome. This will give you an idea of some of the things you may experience whilst getting clean/sober.

You're not pathetic or hysterical. Plenty of people still live at home at your age and plenty of people your age don't know who/what they want to be when they "grow up". Plenty of people much older than you don't know yet what they want for themselves. The most important thing is that you try; don't let cannabis take over and diminish your motivation to live.

Thanks for being here and maybe try posting in the "Addictions" section of this forum if cannabis is something you feel the need to chat about. Plenty of us on here post about cannabis in the "Addictions" section and we all understand what you're going through :)
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#2

Postby Danielchung6 » Tue Jan 09, 2018 3:57 pm

EdenG, thank you so much for taking your precious time to read what I've been going through and you're right! Every single thing that you stated is what I highly agree with but I still can't help but to think that I'm worthless from the beginning. I know that your 20's are the toughest to get by and that there is no denying that you're still at the age where it's your "prime" of your life but I never thought my life would turn out like this. It's so pathetic and what's sad is that even though I'm aware that I'm not content with where I am, I'm still stagnant. I should be working full time or atlease be in school full time(yes, it's hard to be in school but you just have to endure) if I'm still living with a parent. I'm at the point of my life where I should be more independent but unfortunately, my life is like this! Lol, its sad that I'm complaining in the media as well. I have friends but they're still on the same sh** as they were in highschool. From my perspective, they're good people! They're working full time to support themselves or their family to begin with so I respect that. They're planning to get into college as well? Lol, after all of these years and now, they realized that they need to start school? Well, everyone changes but whenever its their "free" time, we just end up toking/drinking. Since it is their thing to begin with, I understand but I wish we can do more than just toke/drink or heading to those typical house parties/bars. It's just a repetition and you start to think that it isn't as "fun" as it was used too.
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#3

Postby EdenG » Wed Jan 10, 2018 10:41 am

Hi again Daniel,

Well there you go, you feel like you're "worthless" and that's one reason you've been smoking pot.
Pot won't help you to stop feeling worthless, in fact, it will probably do the opposite and make you think you're more worthless the more you smoke the years away.
You are not worthless.
You are 22 years young and you want to change and you want to not feel worthless.
Have you got a good GP? They can refer you to see a psychologist to talk to.
I find it great having my psychologist to talk to as he doesn't "know" me and is only there to help me. A psychologist can help with your anxiety/depression and feelings of worthlessness; they have the tools and the ability to help you create different neural pathways in your brain to stop you thinking the way you do about yourself.

I would also recommend reading the book "The Power Of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. You may have heard about this book before. I've just started to read it this year; I'm only up to chapter 3, but already I can see that it is going to be an amazing book to help me with my psychological "issues" and outlook on life in general. He talks about how you can learn to stop/watch your unconscious thoughts and to realise that those thoughts (that little voice in your head that tends to only tell you negative things) are not you, not the true you.

I don't know whether your 20s are the "toughest" years of your life, as I'm only 28 myself and not through with my 20s yet. However, I have had tough times and I've learnt a f**kload about myself in these last 8 years and I can only really be happy about that. I'd prefer to have these struggles now and to learn about myself now than to wait till my 30s, 40s, etc to be doing these soul searching things. Yes, your 20s may be your "prime" years, but personally, I reckon my 30s will be pretty damn fabulous!

Just because you didn't think your life would "turn out like this", doesn't mean you don't have the power and strength to change how it "turns out" in a years time, ten years time. You are the one making decisions and choices in your life and it is only you who can turn it all around :)

You are at the point in your life where you believe/think you should be more independent. Not that you "should" be. Everyone has their own journey and their own path to follow and so what if you're not doing what everyone else is doing at the same age they are doing it. That's their journey and to be honest, "they" probably have their own problems and life may take a turn for the worse for them later in their lives. You don't know what goes on behind closed doors and social media is terribly good at showing us only the good in other peoples' lives. People don't want to show you when they're not doing well. Other people want to post things when their lives are great, they don't show you the bad stuff.

What do you want for yourself? A job? An education? To buy a house? To travel? I don't expect you to answer here, but just think about it. Don't worry about what you think "the world" wants you to do, or your parents, or your friends. Just think about what you want.
Once you know what you want, you can figure out how to work towards it :)

If your current friends are still into smoking and that's not something you want to do any more, you need to get yourself out there and maybe meet some new people. Playing ball on a team one weeknight perhaps? I don't know what you're interested in, but I'm sure you can meet people by doing things you enjoy.
Doesn't matter at what age you decide you want to study, if it's what you want then go for it! Age doesn't matter.

I hope that some of what I've said is helpful and once again, I'm here to talk to if you want :)

Cheers,
Eden
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#4

Postby Danielchung6 » Thu Jan 11, 2018 2:57 am

EdenG, well feeling worthless is one but it's more than that. Escaping reality, relaxation, and it definitely feels like my conscience is stronger. Anyways, you're right about having to face or endure the facts if you're planning to take sobriety seriously. My brother is taking a tolerance break and my god! I've never thought that he would take things serious and I'm not envious at all! I fully admire/support it since I couldn't take a break at all. Actually, I'll take back on what I had stated! I tried to a break and I only lasted 4-5 months surprisingly! Lol, it sucked because I did think about the substance since I wanted to indulge it by myself or to have a session with to match or smoke the friends out like the old days. Also, I've been smoking everyday since the end of June and I cannot believe I'm going through this phase again. Like I had stated before, the only thing I've made a difference/progress is working out/hooping but I don't want to just change physically, I want to change mentally as well. Yes, I'm making progress on becoming the better individual for myself and for the sake of the family but it still isn't enough. Meeting new people? I definitely don't have a problem with that because I did get invited to watch the college game between GA and Alabama at Taco Mac and the person who had invited me was great! He introduced me to his peers/friends and they were great as well! I did meet new people at the gym as well and ironically, I've toked with one of the people(smfh, I know know)and surprisingly, he is a basketball coach for a travel team? Overall, he is a chill/nice person to be around with. Also, do you know how many people underestimated my brother and I because of our race? Lol, how hysterical huh? Well, I guess it's because I'm one of the asians who does hoop with the black crowd and I must say..I love the competition. I adore the sport and have been playing for 6 years now! I'm glad I got my brother into it and he definitely came a long way. He even surpassed me but I guess I have to get better to get the kind of caliber I want/prefer, right? I'm getting off tangent here but you get the point. Once again, I appreciate for taking your time to read/comment because it really does help. Fortunately, I'm not one of those closed minded people who doesn't even listen/take the persons advice. Also, what do I want? A job so that I can atlease get income and conserve for a new place of my own. Education? Sure, if the tuition wasn't expensive and how I wish that I wasn't suffering financially. I know people has their own perspective about this but don't you think that it is mandatory to get a college degree due to the competition? Lol, then again..there are students who literally beats around the bush and there are students who does take their education serious but unfortunately, they too don't get anywhere or bouncing from jobs to jobs to support themselves.
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