Another type of depression

Postby piras » Sun Feb 11, 2018 4:58 pm

Hello, first off forgive my english if sometimes there are any mistakes as it is not my mother language.

I would like to tell my situation that im currently suffering. Im a 24 year old student from spain, almost finishing my career in civil engineering but I am suffering a type of depression since long ago. Luckily I have everything in life and I cannot complain about anything in terms of economy stability or family support but somehow I often feel sad everyday. This is because there are some "goals" that I just cant accomplish. Having a girlfriend is one of them. I have only had one relationship which has ended ina bad way, not because of me but because of the person that I loved. And since that I cant help myself in finding a partner. I consider myself a bit picky but recently I have been rejected several times, lowering my mood. I have also tried to apply for several job offers, around 20-30, all of them without any reply back. I have (not a lot) some experience and educational background but this doesnt seem to help. It also happens that my circle of friends is not big.
Personally I am tall and attractive guy which in principle should help.
Besides all that, I have a healthy mind and try to get everything straight in my daily life like going to the studies, gym, etc... But inside me I am really empty, without soul.

Can you give me any advice?

Thank you
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sun Feb 11, 2018 6:38 pm

piras wrote: This is because there are some "goals" that I just cant accomplish. But inside me, I am really empty without soul.

Can you give me any advice?



The best advice I can give you, is that getting a girlfriend and getting a job won’t fill your soul. Accomplishing goals doesn’t fill the soul.

Why?

Because the soul isn’t something that can be satisfied by filling it with things acquired in the outside world. Treated this way, the soul will always be hungry, it will always want more. It is like eating. When you eat you feel full for a while, but eventually the hunger returns. When you accomplish a goal, when you achieve something, it feels good for a little while, but then we ask, “What’s next?”

Instead, look at your soul as satisfied by what you provide yourself day to day. Your soul is low maintenance, needing nothing from the material world. Your soul is sustained regardless, because your soul has no ego, it has no need of approval or achievement.

This doesn’t mean to not have goals, to not seek a job, to not seek relationships, but do so for the right reasons. Recognize that achieving goals does not satisfy the soul and never will. The soul is not and will never be satisfied by the wants of the ego.
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#2

Postby piras » Sun Feb 11, 2018 7:13 pm

Thank you for your reply Richard,

I can only agree that if you treat your soul as feeding entity, it will never be satisfied. But I also want to say that, talking by experience, when I was living the situation with these "needs" described above, I was certainly feeling better and much more motivated, and not seeking for any more needs to nurture the soul..
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#3

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sun Feb 11, 2018 7:34 pm

piras wrote:...when I was living the situation with these "needs" described above, I was certainly feeling better and much more motivated, and not seeking for any more needs to nurture the soul..


Be careful. It is common to confuse the soul with the ego.

We tend to give life purpose by climbing a mountain. You see the top, you begin to climb. You are motivated, you are focused, so you think that you don't need anything more as you allow the mountain to define who you are. But, what happens after you have reached the top? It feels good for a while, but then what?

Climbing a mountain is food for our ego, nothing more. It is not a bad thing, having purpose is good, feeding our ego is healthy as long as we don't eat too much. But your soul doesn't need to climb a mountain.

Certain religions and spiritual beliefs practice understanding the difference between ego and the soul. Most denounce materialism, living a minimalist existence. I practice minimalism, but not for spiritual reasons. My reasons are more pragmatic...I travel a lot, living a mobile life.

Anyway, try to find a better balance between your soul and your ego. Your ego is currently hungry, it wants to be fed. This is normal. You think a girlfriend and a job is what you need. This is normal, productive, and perfectly healthy. Just recognize, it is your ego that you are trying to satisfy, not your soul.

Maybe look into concepts of ego and self. It might help provide a different way of looking at the world.
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#4

Postby thatsoa » Thu Mar 22, 2018 2:28 am

I understand to an extent, I think. We're very similar in the fact that to the outside world there's nothing for us really to be upset or angered or sad over- life seems good. I know that for me I haven't been able to truly pinpoint the center for my depression. There's just something in my life that isn't right.
For you it sounds like the dating realm might be (one of?) your cause, which I also understand. Having somebody is one of the best feelings, but not always attainable. I think that if you're able to find love within yourself and your day to day actions, then finding love in somebody else is that much easier.
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#5

Postby laureat » Thu Mar 22, 2018 4:39 am

intellectually speaking: you dont need someone else to feel completed

abandonment may effect our confidence: and you mentioned a relationship that gone wrong because of the other, someone you loved

you have to trust oneself, to be good, to feel warm and completed, as ppl come and go
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#6

Postby essexgirl68 » Wed Apr 04, 2018 6:36 pm

No one can make you happy.....only you can make you happy.
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#7

Postby southernsmile » Thu Apr 05, 2018 4:05 pm

Setting and achieving goals is great and a very necessary part of life. The problem that can sometimes arise though is that we base our self-worth off our accomplishments and successes. Sounds good on the surface but in reality, this can actually cause many problems because how do we view ourselves when we do not meet a goal or have to change our original plans because an unexpected problem happened? We loose self-confidence and esteem. If we base our self-worth from things outside of ourselves (relationships, jobs, etc.) we will never be happy because when those things get taken away, we have nothing left to give us an identity. Our identity comes from within, not from other people or a job.

I am speaking from personal experience when I say that once we work on ourselves, our world opens up to more exciting opportunities. I was in a bad relationship and was devastated when he ended it. However, instead of pining away for him and trying to get back together, I decided to start working on myself. I challenged myself to do hobbies that I enjoyed like music, dancing, and public speaking. I completed my education, continued to be active in my church and socialize with friends, read more, start a business, and worked on myself from the inside out. The result was higher self-confidence and a realization that the guy who had ended our relationship was a jerk and I was lucky to be out of that situation. Once I had established self-confidence through the definition of my skills and talents and not a job or relationship, I realized that I was much happier and that whether I was in a relationship or not was okay because I was good enough either way. Side note: I stopped worrying about getting a boyfriend and approached life from the standpoint of having fun and meeting new people am now in a relationship with a great guy. I would not be able to have this relationship if I had not worked on my self-confidence. Not sure if this helps but just know that you are not alone in this situation and it can and will get better. You will come out of this a happier perosn. Good luck!!!
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