Looking for help!

Postby SeriouslyStruggling » Fri Feb 23, 2018 11:48 pm

Hi everyone!

I am posting because I am looking for help, as I hit a point in life where I am at my lowest. I am hoping some people read this throughout (Lol) and can relate to me wants to talk about these common issues. I am not suicidal, but I don't really want to continue life if that makes sense. I care about myself a lot, but I just feel hopeless... I don't think there's anything that can fix my current situation. Self esteem is something that has been a weird issue for me as it has ebbed and flowed. Please let me explain.

Growing up, I thought the world of myself. I thought I was good looking and intelligent and nothing ever bothered me. Mainly because I had great parents who nurtured me and made me feel good about myself. Then my teens hit. I had girls call me ugly to my face and mock me saying they'd never date me. This didn't effect me as much as you think it would at the time. Still had pretty good self confidence. Then one time I had asked a girl if she was interested in going to homecoming with me. She said yes, only to ditch me the day before for her crush. That's bad in itself but the next day her and her friend started drilling me about how "I am the definition of goofy/goofiest guy in the world." This was freshman year of high school and I am about to be 25 now.

Ridiculous to let something like that in high school bother me? Right? That sent me into a deep depression for a while. I didn't look into a mirror for almost two years (no exaggeration) It sticks with me still. But at that time I forced myself out of the depression by forcing myself out of my comfort zone my junior and senior year. I am naturally outgoing, and it can be easy for me to make friends. I eventually found a girlfriend, and that restored my confidence fully. I did a full turnaround and felt great about myself and was genuinely happy again.

I was doing ok for a few years after that, went to college, had kids make fun of me about my appearance, calling me frail and goofy etc. I went through the same thing as I did in high school, deep depression freshman and sophomore year, then found a GF who I loved for the next two years. I absolutely loved this girl and she just had a different path in life after school and we mutually parted ways.

I have been single since college, haven't had a girl take any notice in me since. Literally not even in the slightest. I think back at how people have treated me, then look at the way I appear on video, mirror, and photos and realize that they are right. I am actually the weirdest looking guy I know by FAR. I wince when I see myself. The sole reason I've won girls over in the past is because of my personality, without a doubt. One side of my face is actually really attractive, but the other looks almost fake and looks like I was hit by a shovel. My mouth is very crooked, my head is an odd shape, I have a pretty big nose, and I am as skinny as can be.


However it is hitting me way harder then ever before that I am definitely one of the ugliest dudes out there. I was able to deal with it before, but I just can't anymore. It makes my stomach churn. I see my reflection and I want to vomit, which sounds super vain I know. I spend hours everyday taking photos and videos of myself from all different angles and lighting (which is embarrassing as hell) only one confirm the fact that I am horrifying to look at.

The worst part is, this realization is taking away from my personality. I am so irritable now with this realization and and less social. I don't want to go out because I am hyper aware of my appearance and it's preventing me from living life. I have a good job, live on my own, have a nice car, and am very financially stable, but I am so damn unhappy.

I simply don't want to accept the fact that I'm ugly. I don't know how Accept this. I am scared I'll never find a girl again. It's even worse when you've had girls in the past and long for that feeling of love again. My looks are preventing me from getting girls and making friends. People treat me like sh** and it's because I'm not normal like them. I am some type of character to then. People have said I look like cartoon characters, and really hurtful sh**.

My current state of mind is terrifying to me. I have always been relatively mentally stable, but I do fee like I am losing my sanity slowly. The older I get the more I become aware of the truth. I am just not good enough, and never will be. I'll always be known as the weak ugly guy, who is strangely social. I want to die, but I know for a fact I couldn't EVER go through with it. I just wish I could hit the stop button. Or I wish I had the ability to change my looks and learn to enjoy life like I used to. I am absolutely miserable and in such a deep dark put it is so hard to even put into any words. I really view myself in an extremely dark light. My appearance is just so off putting it's hard to believe. I just want to be normal.
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sat Feb 24, 2018 2:11 am

Have you seen Howard Stern? Have you seen Seal? Have you seen Mick Jagar? Have you seen Lyle Lovett?

And don’t tell me it was because of their money that they married Heidi Klum and Julia Roberts. Hogwash! Those women don’t deserve that kind of disrespect. They are successful, attractive women that married confident men.
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#2

Postby 3rdeyeopen » Mon Feb 26, 2018 4:04 pm

Hey man. I've been in your same position. Understand that looks only means so much to women. They're more into personality. You need to work on your inner self and be more confident.
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#3

Postby 3rdeyeopen » Mon Feb 26, 2018 6:47 pm

I have a lot of knowledge on dating.pm if you need some insight.
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#4

Postby Livetowin » Fri Mar 16, 2018 2:17 pm

Lets play a hypothetical here to see if we can get you on the right path to thinking about this the right way. Let's say you're sitting at a really nice restaurant eating with family. Someone comes up to you and pours a drink on your head and starts laughing at you. What does your instinct tell you about this action? Hopefully that the person doing this is utterly indignant and out of their mind just for starters. And in that moment I'm sure you would feel inclined to get up and defend yourself.

Lets use another one. You're standing in the park talking to your mother and a girl you know walks up without warning and kicks you square in the crotch. As you are crumpled to the ground, she squats over you and pisses on your head. She wishes your mother well and walks off. Do we really need to discuss how you might react to that? That person is an absolute idiot and treated you with complete contempt for your dignity as a human being. A pretty common sense consensus, yes? Okay, now lets move into the world you have written about.

You have some idiot walk up to you and say you're ugly to your face and claim she would never date you. THANK YOU! I would have looked at her and said, " I appreciate that! Because I don't date people who speak out of the same hole they flagellate from. "

And then you had someone in COLLEGE essentially make fun of your appearance and comment on you being goofy?! Really? What college is this and what kind of immature morons attend this university? That is so idiotic it doesn't even warrant a comment. You've allowed yourself to be defined by people who don't even have good ole fashion horse sense to censor themselves at the most inappropriate times. Yet the people that have recognized you and put their time and attention to you get no recognition in your identity code! My friend, that is seriously arse-backwards.

Appearance is not your problem. If that actually meant something then Gene Simmons, who looks like he wears a Brillo pad for hair, would not be worth $350 million. What you're lacking is self-confidence and you've tricked yourself into believing that because someone says something bold (by your definition), that means there must be merit in it. Well you're completely wrong. When someone acts like an idiot, you should define them as an idiot. People who are filter-less are not normal people nor people you should value in life.

Go back and read those hypotheticals again. Is that normal behavior? Of course not. And neither is the behavior of these people in your examples. You have no sense of identity in yourself, so you allow people you barely know to judge you unfairly and with quite ridiculous expressions. What if they had told you you're a golden God? Would your head be too big to fit into a normal sized room? Those notions would be of the same making as well.

I have two rules in life - I only control myself and never others define me. You need to take control of your life by sitting down and deciding what it is you want out of life. Because only through knowing who you are can you define the people around you and decide who belongs in your life and who you need to distance yourself from. I wish you all the best. Make it happen for yourself.
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#5

Postby laureat » Fri Mar 16, 2018 5:48 pm

there will always be someone around who wants you feel inferior, i dont why, but it happens to be

maybe our pride makes them uncomfortable, maybe our pride makes them feel unsure about themselves

you just need to know that no matter the lookings, the money, you have to keep it proud
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