My Dad boiled his hip (!)

Postby Omnishambolic » Mon Mar 19, 2018 11:35 am

Ok I've probably drawn some attention with that title. I don't know anyone else with this experience for obvious reasons. My sister and I have very different views on this, I'm posting to ask for unbiased opinions! It's a memory that has just surfaced into my consciousness and I'm a bit haunted by it.

The background is that when I was 3 I gave my Dad mumps. This apparently led to damage in his hip and he had pain and a noticeable limp but due to his age he had to wait until he was 40 to get a hip replacement, very young for this. I was 16.

With no warning, when he returned from hospital, a large (and I mean large) aluminium pan appeared in our kitchen. He told me it was his hip and that he wanted to boil the flesh off so he could see for himself the damage that caused the limp and pain. He then joked that our dogs were interested in it, smelling it, and wanted to eat it.

I don't remember much after that but know I had to leave the house in disgust. It feels a traumatic memory (one of many).

My sister has a different view, she's almost fond of this memory. Our dad liked science and had quite a scientific mind, she describes him doing this as eccentric at worst and as I said it feels like she is somewhat fond of this memory.

What does anyone think about this? It's so hard to be objective when it happened to me. I know it's not a normal thing to do and to me it almost has sinister undertones. I was already very scared of him. However my sister's opinion is very strong and we have entirely different feelings about our childhood and his part in that.

I guess that's why I'm posting! Has anyone else's father boiled their own body part in front of them???

This is not a joke by the way. It really happened. Posting to get your thoughts/perspectives. Many thanks!
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Mar 19, 2018 1:47 pm

It sounds like your father had a dark or colorful sense of humor. When a hip is replaced, there is no flesh on the hip when it is extracted.
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#2

Postby Omnishambolic » Mon Mar 19, 2018 1:58 pm

As I said Richard, it happened. I didn't study it in depth at the time as I was so disgusted. It had enough whatever was on it to be boiled. It happened and he wasn't joking, he kept the hip after he boiled it.

I only want responses from people prepared to believe it happened. It did.

So Richard, suspend your disbelief if you may. He wasn't joking and it wasn't funny. Then what do you think?

I'm not making this up. My sister remembers it too and she's got a better memory than I do.
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#3

Postby Omnishambolic » Mon Mar 19, 2018 2:10 pm

This was in 1989 by the way. If that makes a difference in whether anyone believes me!
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#4

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Mar 19, 2018 2:21 pm

Omnishambolic wrote:So Richard, suspend your disbelief if you may. He wasn't joking and it wasn't funny. Then what do you think?


1989!!! Oh, that is so ancient, lol.

Okay...I suspend my disbelief. I now live in a world where an individual has access to their own hip bone.

So friggin what? Have you ever lost a tooth? Did you look at the tooth when it fell out? Did you hold it in your hand?

Some people are curious about the human body. So what? What is the big deal? You said he had a scientific mind and liked science, so it seems pretty logical to me. I mean, how often do you have access to a hip bone unless you're a surgeon!?

Think...how did people learn about human anatomy in the past? Access to cadavers was difficult to say the least. Sometimes they robbed graves.

If I had to guess you didn't grow up on a farm, you didn't grow up in an environment where blood, bones, and the reality of the cycle of life is made readily clear. I'm not saying you never were exposed to these things, but that in your world the concept of what is "icky" and disgusting has been shaped by a lack of exposure to such things.

Understandably, based on your beliefs you find what your father did to be abnormal, strange, weird. It freaks you out. For other people, what your father did is basically who cares? So he had access to a hip bone and wanted to play around. So what? Yawn. Good for him.

The bottom line, it is your hang up. That is my opinion.
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#5

Postby Omnishambolic » Mon Mar 19, 2018 2:48 pm

Yawn. To your aggressive responses. What's your life decision skills about being here? Not very empathetic are you, more a slap in the face approach. Doesn't work for everyone. What do you get out of this I wonder. A sense of superiority? Looks like it. Big loud enormous yawn.

The big deal is doing this with no warning in front of your kids in my opinion. Yes Richard, no difference at all between this and a tooth. My dad obviously persuaded the surgeon to give it to him, how else would he have got it? None of your examples include shocking kids in the process. Hope you don't have any; if so I pity them!
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#6

Postby Omnishambolic » Mon Mar 19, 2018 2:53 pm

Oh yeah he told me the only reason he married my mum is because she 'was a good fu ck'. Yeah, lovely man. Sure Richard can find a way to dismiss/defend that as well.

Well I asked for opinions I suppose! Free world...
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#7

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Mar 19, 2018 2:58 pm

I understand you hold a belief about how your dad should have raised his children and you have a belief about how you are to receive advice. How are these beliefs working out for you in life?

Instead of blaming others, such as your dad and now me, how about suspending your beliefs for a minute? Give it a try. Suspend your beliefs and ask the question, "What if I'm wrong, what if it is okay that someone tells me their opinion in a direct manner? What if it is okay that a parent tells their child that a monster lives under the bed?"

What is the worst that can happen?
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#8

Postby Candid » Mon Mar 19, 2018 3:01 pm

You chose to ignore what Richard said in his first reply:

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:When a hip is replaced, there is no flesh on the hip when it is extracted.


A hip replacement is replacement of the bone. The surrounding flesh -- made of muscle, sinew, nerves and skin cells -- is still needed to get the artificial hip working. Your father was... um, pulling your leg. Not boiling his own. He lied to you.

Omnishambolic wrote:Oh yeah he told me the only reason he married my mum is because she 'was a good fu ck'.


So? if it's kept them together all these years, more power to them.
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#9

Postby Omnishambolic » Mon Mar 19, 2018 3:08 pm

Candid: it didn't. He wasn't pulling anyone's leg, he did it.

Neither of you two are prepared to suspend your beliefs on this but you're telling me to?

Yeah, this was a waste of time. Thanks for your kind responses.
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#10

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Mar 19, 2018 3:26 pm

Candid wrote:A hip replacement is replacement of the bone. The surrounding flesh -- made of muscle, sinew, nerves and skin cells -- is still needed to get the artificial hip working. Your father was... um, pulling your leg. Not boiling his own. He lied to you.


Yes, yes, but Candid this is irrelevant. It is about a cruel parent that "shocked" his child. Basically, it is a thread about child abuse. I didn't realize this in my first response or even my second. I suspended my disbelief so was unfortunately focused on the degree to which a person being curious about science was normal or not. I was not sensitive to the fact what the thread is really about is severe trauma and child abuse caused by this incompetent parent playing a cruel and traumatic joke on a child.

But, I guess it was 1989 when parents were allowed to play jokes on their children without it being considered abuse. Today, we need to consider that a joke, pulling the leg of child, to "shock" a child is basically abuse by 2018 standards.

I responded in a manner inconsistent with 2018 norms. What I am suppose to do...and I apologize, is I should have validated the OP's trauma. I should have reinforced that what his father did, "shocking" his child (joke or not) was insensitive and a form of abuse. I should slowly reinforce to the OP that he is right in his belief, that his father is a bad person.
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#11

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Mar 19, 2018 3:33 pm

Omnishambolic wrote: Yeah, this was a waste of time. Thanks for your kind responses.


The responses were actually kinder than you wish to believe. It would have been unkind to play this game of "blame your dad". It would have made you feel good and it would have reinforced your preexisting beliefs, but it would not have challenged your beliefs.

This is a public forum where advice is free, not a therapist's couch. There is not the time to go back and forth and back and forth to drip, drip, drip, to slowly guide you to the reality that what your dad did was not some horrible thing in your life. That is what a therapist will do, session after session, slowly resolving this anger you have regarding your father.
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#12

Postby quietvoice » Mon Mar 19, 2018 3:38 pm

Omnishambolic wrote:Yeah, this was a waste of time.

What is it that you're looking to get from here?

My opinion is that it is a very interesting event. I can't see what is the fuss; what makes that event so traumatic at age 16?
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#13

Postby Omnishambolic » Mon Mar 19, 2018 3:48 pm

It just felt shocking. That's all. That's how it felt, simple as that.

Many other things he said/did.

All women get depressed after 40 as they lose their looks.
Females are most attractive when they are 5 (science again)
Some mothers give their babies blowjobs to soothe them (when I had a baby)

Just a few examples. Think it's clear I'm not going to get a sympathetic response and that general opinion is I'm making too much of this.

Thanks anyway! I guess I'm always suspicious when people are on forums offering out advice all the time. Makes me wonder what their lives really look like and what they are fulfilling by doing this.
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#14

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Mar 19, 2018 4:11 pm

Omnishambolic wrote:It just felt shocking.

All women get depressed after 40 as they lose their looks.
Females are most attractive when they are 5 (science again)
Some mothers give their babies blowjobs to soothe them (when I had a baby)

Just a few examples. Think it's clear I'm not going to get a sympathetic response and that general opinion is I'm making too much of this.


A sympathetic response? That is what you want, but is that what you need? If all you are looking for is sympathy then a public forum of strangers is probably not the best place. You should have other people in your life that provide that role.

It sounds like your father made plenty of outrageous and shocking claims. So what? You do seem to be trying to make nothing into something. And you are doing the same with the responses in here, trying to make responses that challenge your beliefs to be some negative event in your life.

Makes me wonder what their lives really look like and what they are fulfilling by doing this.


Well, what my life really looks like is pretty easy to find. As for fulfillment, it is a form of relaxation. The same as you might enjoy watching television, gardening, or golfing, I enjoy participating in a public forum. Same as I’m horrible at golf, maybe I’m horrible at participating in a public forum, but who cares? I’m not trying to beat Tiger Woods or win a championship, I’m just enjoying a bit of fun in the sun.
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