Am I sick??

Postby zoey101 » Fri Apr 20, 2018 6:53 pm

When I was 12 years old I was raped by my brother who was 17 at the time... We were home alone and just watching TV and he just reached over and started rubbing my leg. It felt weird so I got up and said I was gonna go to bed. He grabbed me by my arm and pulled me back down and attacked me... I didn't know what to think or do.. i didn't even understand what just happened and still don't know why...

He hasn't touched me since then but I can't help but feel my stomach turn anytime he would smile at me... Like nothing happened...

I'm 18 now and I have been having dreams about it again on and off for the past month... I used to be so scared and wake up shaking in sweat.. but now in my dreams I am very into it and I wake up very aroused... and its been getting worse lately too.. I find myself daydreaming sometimes and then that memory pops into my head and I can't think about anything else...

My brother came over for dinner the other night and sat across from me.. I didn't want to make any eye contact with him but my mom got upset that I didn't say a word to him so I just asked him what was up with him lately and when he started talking to me he was just staring right at me.. But i didn't feel scared... i was turned on again...

What the hell is happening to me? I don't want to think about my brother like that, especially when he did that to me before... but it's like my body is just reacting against me...

What should I do?
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#1

Postby slick_willy » Sat Apr 21, 2018 7:13 am

It's good that you are being honest about how you feel. If that was your first sexual experience then of course it's going to affect you for your entire life. I remember my first experience and I bet most people would, especially if it was something as dramatic as what you went through.

Have you tried talking to a counselor or a sexual therapist about it? I think rape type fantasies are pretty common in women and incest stuff isn't too far fetched either, but it might be worth looking into some counseling. Also it sounds like your brother sexually assaulted you, which means you really shouldn't trust him or even be around him in my opinion
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#2

Postby zoey101 » Sat Apr 21, 2018 12:28 pm

I can't see a counselor because no one knows. if I ask my parents they'll ask me why. I try to stay away from my brother, he doesn't live with us anymore, but he comes over for dinner sometimes..
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#3

Postby Candid » Sat Apr 21, 2018 12:33 pm

This kind of thing becomes a much bigger problem if it's kept secret. It would be good for you to talk to a counsellor, preferably one who specialises in rape.
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#4

Postby zoey101 » Sat Apr 21, 2018 3:30 pm

But my parents would find out... I can't destroy the family like that...
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#5

Postby Candid » Sat Apr 21, 2018 3:37 pm

You just tell them you need counselling. What you say to your counsellor is Top Secret.
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#6

Postby zoey101 » Sat Apr 21, 2018 6:58 pm

He just left! What the ****?

He came over out of nowhere, my parents are out till 6pm. He was asking for dad but he should know they both work...

I told him he had to leave and he pushed me against the wall and kissed me! I couldnt move, I just froze... He pulled off of me and just smiled and left... what is f***ing happening???

I can't f***ing do this!! Why would he f***ing do that?

I can't stop shaking... I feel so disgusting... I felt like I didn't want it to stop... I can't handle this... What should I do... This isn't fair....
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#7

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sat Apr 21, 2018 7:13 pm

zoey101 wrote:I told him he had to leave and he pushed me against the wall and kissed me! I couldnt move, I just froze... He pulled off of me and just smiled and left... what is f***ing happening???

What should I do... This isn't fair....


zoey101 wrote:When I was 12 years old I was raped by my brother who was 17...he hasn't touched me since then


So you want the members of the forum to believe 6 years ago he touched you once and never again. You join the forum yesterday and suddenly today, after 6 years, out of the blue with you now a full grown adult he forces a kiss on you.

Go get some professional therapy for whatever underlying fantasies you are struggling with.
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#8

Postby Livetowin » Sun Apr 22, 2018 3:47 am

Your brother needs to be turned into authorities and spend some time in jail in addition to getting registered as a sex offender. If this tears up your family, it doesn't say much about them and more importantly these are action HE committed, not you. He's responsible for whatever happens.
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#9

Postby Candid » Sun Apr 22, 2018 8:02 am

My friends, we've been trolled.
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#10

Postby tokeless » Sun Apr 22, 2018 10:20 am

Candid wrote:My friends, we've been trolled.


I must admit it seemed contrived but you like to give people the benefit of the doubt. Forums attract them I guess.
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#11

Postby karin12414 » Sun Apr 22, 2018 12:44 pm

I hope this is fake just so that no one is really dealing with this kind of stuff... But if it isn't, I hope you find the strength to get out. These people are trying to help. Please don't take advantage of that. Be safe!
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#12

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sun Apr 22, 2018 1:04 pm

tokeless wrote: I must admit it seemed contrived but you like to give people the benefit of the doubt.


Like most fiction or fantasy, there is probably some truth. That is why the OP needs counseling with a dedicated therapist.

Does a brother even exist? Probably so. Did he ever touch the OP? We will never know. Once credibility has been ruined it makes it difficult if not impossible to separate out truth from fantasy.

There are fetish forums where the OP could go to play, but to use an advice forum is more exciting, it makes it more real. It disrespects other people in the forum, but the OP either doesn’t think about it or doesn’t care. It is a form of trolling.

The way I see it the OP should seek therapy because either:

-1- There was some actual abuse that did take place that is now used to create fantasy.
-2- The OP feels it is fine to troll people.
-3- A combination of #1 and #2

My hope is the OP or others in a similar situation read this and recognize that indulging in fantasy at the expense of others is not healthy.
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