Friend Who Cannot Seek Help

Postby zelara » Fri Apr 20, 2018 8:32 pm

I'm part of a nascent online community of individuals who help to provide an escape from whatever you find vexing or subjugating - socially or otherwise. It is intended as a judgement free zone which also tends to hold a common appreciation for technology and themes akin to Star Trek, Tron and/or Cyberpunk with just a dash of the licentious.

One of our members is a 14yo girl who has acclimated well, telling us of several disorders including bulimia, cutting, and attempted suicide. Though she is willing to get help, she has explained that her parents (who are alcoholics do not know of her cutting or her bulimia and would never allow her to seek help. I have tried to find out why, but she often responds with "I dont want to think about what would happen if i told them." and I dont want to make her feel worse by probing any deeper.

Being that I am her friend, as well as the founder of the aforementioned group, i would love to be armed with the appropriate responses to these situations. I can provide you with a direct link to this girl - I can ask her whatever you want and report back what she says. I feel that she needs help and if she does not get it, she may die.
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri Apr 20, 2018 9:16 pm

zelara wrote:...i would love to be armed with the appropriate responses to these situations.


Sometimes a difficult reality to accept is the limit of our roles in the life of another person. When we see another person we believe is in trouble, we want to become the parent, guardian, therapist, or protector...but that is not our role. Our role is friend.

As a friend in an online community your appropriate responses are limited to providing helpful links. You can provide links about self-harm, links about bulimia, links about talking with parents, links to hotlines, links to medical resources, etc. You can be available to listen.

That's it.
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#2

Postby zelara » Mon Apr 23, 2018 1:45 pm

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:
zelara wrote:...i would love to be armed with the appropriate responses to these situations.


You can provide links about self-harm, links about bulimia, links about talking with parents, links to hotlines, links to medical resources, etc. You can be available to listen.

That's it.


You know what would be great?
Some links about self-harm, links about bulimia, links about talking with parents, links to hotlines, links to medical resources, etc.
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#3

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Apr 23, 2018 2:14 pm

zelara wrote:You know what would be great?
Some links about self-harm, links about bulimia, links about talking with parents, links to hotlines, links to medical resources, etc.


Yes...it would.

And that is why as a friend you use Google or another search engine to look up the links, read the links, learn about the issues, compare and contrast different sources, pick the one's you believe best for your friend and then send them to your friend.

It isn't a matter of some 3rd party providing a link that you simply pass along, because that is more how you would treat an acquaintance.

For instance, the below link is the very first link I found using Google ref. bulimia. I don't know if it meets your needs or not. I have not read the link, because you are not a friend that I care about. You are just an acquaintance, so I'm just passing it along.

https://www.get.gg/bulimia.htm
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#4

Postby zelara » Thu Apr 26, 2018 1:40 pm

Nevermind,
On April 24th, she informed us that she was bleeding on the floor in her bathroom. She was saying goodbye and apologized repeatedly, claiming that she was a failure and let us all down. Pretty sure she is dead now.
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#5

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Thu Apr 26, 2018 2:01 pm

zelara wrote:Nevermind,
On April 24th, she informed us that she was bleeding on the floor in her bathroom. She was saying goodbye and apologized repeatedly, claiming that she was a failure and let us all down. Pretty sure she is dead now.


People make their own choices.

I’m not sure what more you expect to offer an anonymous person online.
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