How can i overcome insecurities

Postby Dizal » Fri May 04, 2018 2:50 pm

How can one overcome fear of judgments? i am always so scared of how people are going to see me. mostly i am in my own head thinking to myself how stupid and hopeless i am and i feel like as if people can see through me which leads me to try so hard to cover that with niceness and fake smiles. also my emotional state is very unstable and now i am really starting to worry as its affecting my relationship with people.
Dizal
Junior Member
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2015 11:24 am
Likes Received: 3


#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri May 04, 2018 4:09 pm

Dizal wrote:How can one overcome fear of judgments?


By intentionally exposing yourself to judgment.

There are certain judgments you fear...not every judgment...or at least there is a certain type of judgment you fear more than others, e.g. your physical appearance, your ability to socialize, etc.

Whatever you fear, recognizing you fear it is then addressed by scaffolding...taking small steps to deliberately place yourself in situations where those types of judgments will take place and recognizing the fears were not justified.
User avatar
Richard@DecisionSkills
MVP
MVP
 
Posts: 9543
Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2012 2:25 am
Likes Received: 963

#2

Postby dayosamuel » Sat May 05, 2018 2:49 pm

Could you consider answering:

What gets me into pretending to people?

Is it because I want to appear in a way bigger than I really am, or I don't want to own up to who I really am?

Sometimes because of fear, which is trying to protect you, we get used to that protection mechanism and it becomes our behavior
dayosamuel
New Member
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat May 05, 2018 2:40 pm
Likes Received: 0

#3

Postby Dizal » Mon May 07, 2018 9:31 am

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:
Dizal wrote:How can one overcome fear of judgments?



There are certain judgments you fear...not every judgment...or at least there is a certain type of judgment you fear more than others, e.g. your physical appearance, your ability to socialize, etc.



I am mainly concerned about my social skills , i don't know how to keep conversation going. i am scared before i even start talking because i am afraid that i will sound so boring and people will lose interest in what i have to say. not only that but i am always thinking that people are staring at me and judging me on how i am behaving and acting.

thanks for your support.
Dizal
Junior Member
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2015 11:24 am
Likes Received: 3

#4

Postby Dizal » Mon May 07, 2018 9:43 am

dayosamuel wrote:Could you consider answering:

What gets me into pretending to people?

Is it because I want to appear in a way bigger than I really am, or I don't want to own up to who I really am?


because i feel like i am not good enough i tell myself to fake it. i am scared if people know who i really am, they will judge me so bad and abandon me. But the problem with faking is that one day i will appear so happy and the other day i will look sad, angry and unhappy for no apparent reason. when these happens, people don't know what to make out of this and they get very confused. i feel bad about that but cant help it. when i tried to be myself, i feel angry and sad so i fake being happy because i don't want people to see my really emotions.

Thank you for your help:)
Dizal
Junior Member
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2015 11:24 am
Likes Received: 3

#5

Postby dayosamuel » Mon May 07, 2018 10:15 am

I can understand Dizal. If you could commit 7-30 days of 30 minutes each to changing the internal stories you tell yourself, is that something you'd love to do to become a more confident, socially balanced person?


Dizal wrote:
dayosamuel wrote:Could you consider answering:

What gets me into pretending to people?

Is it because I want to appear in a way bigger than I really am, or I don't want to own up to who I really am?


because i feel like i am not good enough i tell myself to fake it. i am scared if people know who i really am, they will judge me so bad and abandon me. But the problem with faking is that one day i will appear so happy and the other day i will look sad, angry and unhappy for no apparent reason. when these happens, people don't know what to make out of this and they get very confused. i feel bad about that but cant help it. when i tried to be myself, i feel angry and sad so i fake being happy because i don't want people to see my really emotions.

Thank you for your help:)
dayosamuel
New Member
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat May 05, 2018 2:40 pm
Likes Received: 0

#6

Postby Dizal » Mon May 07, 2018 10:32 am

Yes I would love to change so I am willing to try anything that works .
Dizal
Junior Member
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2015 11:24 am
Likes Received: 3

#7

Postby dayosamuel » Mon May 07, 2018 11:36 am

Dizal wrote:Yes I would love to change so I am willing to try anything that works .


I produced an audio program that may be helpful to you, I couldn't share here so I am seen to be spamming the forum.

I would have sent it to you as a message, but it's spammy as well.
dayosamuel
New Member
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat May 05, 2018 2:40 pm
Likes Received: 0

#8

Postby Dizal » Tue May 08, 2018 9:47 am

dayosamuel wrote:[quote="

I produced an audio program that may be helpful to you, I couldn't share here so I am seen to be spamming the forum.

I would have sent it to you as a message, but it's spammy as well.


Thanks for that, would it be possible to send it by email? Could send u my email.

Thanks in advance.
Dizal
Junior Member
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2015 11:24 am
Likes Received: 3

#9

Postby dayosamuel » Tue May 08, 2018 1:57 pm

Dizal wrote:
dayosamuel wrote:[quote="

I produced an audio program that may be helpful to you, I couldn't share here so I am seen to be spamming the forum.

I would have sent it to you as a message, but it's spammy as well.


Thanks for that, would it be possible to send it by email? Could send u my email.

Thanks in advance.


Maybe you can send me a message, please
dayosamuel
New Member
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat May 05, 2018 2:40 pm
Likes Received: 0

#10

Postby Mindset4Success » Fri May 18, 2018 6:15 am

Allow yourself to be aware of the thoughts when they occur but do not attach to them. When we attach to them we are identifying with them, and we unconsciously start to project these fears externally and then it gets reinforced by our environment.

Practice this mindfulness technique: imagine a snowflake, and then imagine this snowflake dissolving on a hot rock in summers day. This will allow you to see a thought rise and fall, so that we are not attaching to the thought.

Because your own identity is not fully developed by you, you are lacking confidence in yourself. And there is a fear inside of you that feels you will be scolded by someone if you speak up, and you will get in trouble. Then we start to internalize, and become very passive in our communication and go with what others expect from us so we will not be left.

If you can see there is an unconscious secondary gain, for us to internalize and continue this passive behavior, we believe it will protect us from getting in trouble and being left. And as you've grown this behavior has become painful and is no longer benefiting you.

Don't worry, this is a learned behavior from childhood and can be unlearned.

Below is a link to my free guidebook "setting your own expectations", this will help you to gain better clarity about yourself, and start the process for self-healing.

https://mailchi.mp/fe92a75fb5b9/setting-your-own-expectations

Hope this helps good luck.
Mindset4Success
New Member
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri May 18, 2018 4:51 am
Likes Received: 2

#11

Postby Dizal » Sun May 20, 2018 4:07 am

thank you Mindset4Success

will have a look at the ebook.
Dizal
Junior Member
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2015 11:24 am
Likes Received: 3



  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to Self Esteem & Confidence