ready to give up giving up !

#60

Postby Anxious_mary_420 » Thu May 17, 2018 5:58 pm

Hi everyone how are you all doing today ? I had two good days and it felt fantastic such a relief not to feel so much anxiety for a while. Unfortunately today I am not feeling so good although to be fair I have felt worse.my anxiety makes me want to change so much about my life that just can't be changed especially overnight I need to learn to live in the here and now instead of the past or indeed how I can make my future...I think it's called being mindful but I'm no good at it !!
I was supposed to go to a group addiction meeting this afternoon but I just couldn't find the strength to do it so I cancelled but have made a 1-1 appointment for Saturday week! I know that's weak and I'm a bit disappointed with myself for not having the courage to go but it is what it is.
How's your last few days been cali-detroit helenadoc , Bagobones and all you awesome people out there ?? X
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#61

Postby helenadoc » Thu May 17, 2018 6:35 pm

Hey there. I was ok until yesterday when i got drunk with my boyfriend and picked up a fight. Today i was very upset and absorbed in my thoughts. I went to the psychologist and it was, let's say, productive. Apparently i have to find out some underlying issues :).
But when i came home, i received some terrible news from my bf. He got a subpoena from the romanian DEA to testify in smth. We don't know yet what's the problem..we'll find out tomorrow morning.
As you can imagine this news took my breath away, anxiety went through the roof, tremors etc etc, heart pounding etc etc. But it's a normal reaction. And of course we absolutely forgot about our fight.
In this very moment i'm cooking some salmon for the first time :)
I'm glad to hear that you had a 2 days break.
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#62

Postby Anxious_mary_420 » Thu May 17, 2018 7:15 pm

Helenadoc.thats sh** sorry that your having problems, fingers crossed that when you find out tomorrow it's not to bad ! Glad your apartment was ok though. What's great is that even though you have had a hard couple of days your still sober, it would be so easy to go backwards and smoke a joint BUT you didn't. That takes strength and shows real guts so well done you. Hang in there. Let me know how it goes tomorrow (if you want of course ) sending you a hug.xx
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#63

Postby dhae2604 » Thu May 17, 2018 8:15 pm

Hi there people. whats up. nice discussion. BTW I have a very bad wave of Paws for a few days before may bday on may15. All i wish to God is to have a window of symptom free even that day only. & thanks God until today I feel normal maybe somewhat 80-90% I guess w/ a very few symptom. I notice Before I have a good day, I will experience a bad wave of paws. so traumatic, its like I cant control the fear system of my brain its like on alert always. But when youre in a window, you almost forgot what happens;) all the fear, worry is gone. Damn Anxiety. Hope this is the last paws episode ill be experiencing.Anyway keep updating guys. In a few weeks Ill be a year free.

AnxiousMary, hope your therapy/medication works best for you & you do not experience bad paws like mine. Keep updating
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#64

Postby Anxious_mary_420 » Thu May 17, 2018 8:37 pm

Dhae2604..happy birthday for the other day..sorry your having a rough time right now. It scares me to death to think your nearly a year sober and still don't feel 100%...I don't feel like I can manage this anxiety for a year or more. Hopefully my meds will kick in soon and that will help..its only been 4 days and I think it takes a couple of weeks to start working. Anyway hope we both feel much better tomorrow..Thanks for your reply. Xx
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#65

Postby dhae2604 » Thu May 17, 2018 8:48 pm

Hi Im feeling Good now for a few days ;) paws comes is episode. You will forget all those fears & worry etc when youre in a window or when youre healed. Dont be scared, everyone is different,. unfortunately youre in very early stage of recovery, but keep striving. weve been there! weve tough it out hehe... btw what medication are you on
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#66

Postby Anxious_mary_420 » Fri May 18, 2018 12:02 pm

Dhae2604 I'm taking sertraline 500g and 500g magnesium supplements !! So far so good. I'm glad you are feeling better let's hope it stays that way.x did you take anything?x
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#67

Postby dhae2604 » Fri May 18, 2018 12:16 pm

Hi there. Good day. I take natural supplements/vitamin, fish oil & magnesim. I Tried Antidepressants before during my 5th month. I take once but makes me more anxious. so I stop. But it should be taken for few weeks I think before working. I have xanax ready in case of emergency, unbearable situation. But I took it rarely. Once a month I think. the last time i took it is 2months ago already. I prefer natural healing, because I believe all psycho active chemicals & street drugs have bad withdrawal. Id rather take marijuana withdrawal than benzo.
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#68

Postby helenadoc » Fri May 18, 2018 10:16 pm

Hey guys. It wasn't a big deal that subpoena :) everything is good, we are out of the woods on that matter.
I noticed smth these days...after those 10 days off bliss, getting back to this state of plateau kinda changed a bit. The anxiety subsided a lot..a barely feel it. It pops up when there is a problem, but that i accept. It's normal. Other than that..it's at a very low level. So i'm on the right track.
At least now i see the pattern: i have this plateau, then i feel a lot worse before i get better a short period of time, and then back at the plateau, but with symptoms a bit less every time. So it's good. There is a light, somwhere :)
I hope you are okay.
Dhae, my friend, Happy Birthday!!! I hope you had an amazing day and i hope you celebrated properly. Life is a miracle, so is every birth, therefore is a day to remember and celebrate big time.
Xoxo
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#69

Postby Anxious_mary_420 » Fri May 18, 2018 11:17 pm

Helenadoc.thats great news about your bf..what a relief for you both. So glad you are feeling better and really hope it continues I think you've got this now. Won't be long and this nightmare will be over for you. Gives me hope to read your post. Take care xx
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