ready to give up giving up !

#60

Postby Anxious_mary_420 » Thu May 17, 2018 5:58 pm

Hi everyone how are you all doing today ? I had two good days and it felt fantastic such a relief not to feel so much anxiety for a while. Unfortunately today I am not feeling so good although to be fair I have felt worse.my anxiety makes me want to change so much about my life that just can't be changed especially overnight I need to learn to live in the here and now instead of the past or indeed how I can make my future...I think it's called being mindful but I'm no good at it !!
I was supposed to go to a group addiction meeting this afternoon but I just couldn't find the strength to do it so I cancelled but have made a 1-1 appointment for Saturday week! I know that's weak and I'm a bit disappointed with myself for not having the courage to go but it is what it is.
How's your last few days been cali-detroit helenadoc , Bagobones and all you awesome people out there ?? X
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#61

Postby helenadoc » Thu May 17, 2018 6:35 pm

Hey there. I was ok until yesterday when i got drunk with my boyfriend and picked up a fight. Today i was very upset and absorbed in my thoughts. I went to the psychologist and it was, let's say, productive. Apparently i have to find out some underlying issues :).
But when i came home, i received some terrible news from my bf. He got a subpoena from the romanian DEA to testify in smth. We don't know yet what's the problem..we'll find out tomorrow morning.
As you can imagine this news took my breath away, anxiety went through the roof, tremors etc etc, heart pounding etc etc. But it's a normal reaction. And of course we absolutely forgot about our fight.
In this very moment i'm cooking some salmon for the first time :)
I'm glad to hear that you had a 2 days break.
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#62

Postby Anxious_mary_420 » Thu May 17, 2018 7:15 pm

Helenadoc.thats sh** sorry that your having problems, fingers crossed that when you find out tomorrow it's not to bad ! Glad your apartment was ok though. What's great is that even though you have had a hard couple of days your still sober, it would be so easy to go backwards and smoke a joint BUT you didn't. That takes strength and shows real guts so well done you. Hang in there. Let me know how it goes tomorrow (if you want of course ) sending you a hug.xx
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#63

Postby dhae2604 » Thu May 17, 2018 8:15 pm

Hi there people. whats up. nice discussion. BTW I have a very bad wave of Paws for a few days before may bday on may15. All i wish to God is to have a window of symptom free even that day only. & thanks God until today I feel normal maybe somewhat 80-90% I guess w/ a very few symptom. I notice Before I have a good day, I will experience a bad wave of paws. so traumatic, its like I cant control the fear system of my brain its like on alert always. But when youre in a window, you almost forgot what happens;) all the fear, worry is gone. Damn Anxiety. Hope this is the last paws episode ill be experiencing.Anyway keep updating guys. In a few weeks Ill be a year free.

AnxiousMary, hope your therapy/medication works best for you & you do not experience bad paws like mine. Keep updating
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#64

Postby Anxious_mary_420 » Thu May 17, 2018 8:37 pm

Dhae2604..happy birthday for the other day..sorry your having a rough time right now. It scares me to death to think your nearly a year sober and still don't feel 100%...I don't feel like I can manage this anxiety for a year or more. Hopefully my meds will kick in soon and that will help..its only been 4 days and I think it takes a couple of weeks to start working. Anyway hope we both feel much better tomorrow..Thanks for your reply. Xx
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#65

Postby dhae2604 » Thu May 17, 2018 8:48 pm

Hi Im feeling Good now for a few days ;) paws comes is episode. You will forget all those fears & worry etc when youre in a window or when youre healed. Dont be scared, everyone is different,. unfortunately youre in very early stage of recovery, but keep striving. weve been there! weve tough it out hehe... btw what medication are you on
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#66

Postby Anxious_mary_420 » Fri May 18, 2018 12:02 pm

Dhae2604 I'm taking sertraline 500g and 500g magnesium supplements !! So far so good. I'm glad you are feeling better let's hope it stays that way.x did you take anything?x
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#67

Postby dhae2604 » Fri May 18, 2018 12:16 pm

Hi there. Good day. I take natural supplements/vitamin, fish oil & magnesim. I Tried Antidepressants before during my 5th month. I take once but makes me more anxious. so I stop. But it should be taken for few weeks I think before working. I have xanax ready in case of emergency, unbearable situation. But I took it rarely. Once a month I think. the last time i took it is 2months ago already. I prefer natural healing, because I believe all psycho active chemicals & street drugs have bad withdrawal. Id rather take marijuana withdrawal than benzo.
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#68

Postby helenadoc » Fri May 18, 2018 10:16 pm

Hey guys. It wasn't a big deal that subpoena :) everything is good, we are out of the woods on that matter.
I noticed smth these days...after those 10 days off bliss, getting back to this state of plateau kinda changed a bit. The anxiety subsided a lot..a barely feel it. It pops up when there is a problem, but that i accept. It's normal. Other than that..it's at a very low level. So i'm on the right track.
At least now i see the pattern: i have this plateau, then i feel a lot worse before i get better a short period of time, and then back at the plateau, but with symptoms a bit less every time. So it's good. There is a light, somwhere :)
I hope you are okay.
Dhae, my friend, Happy Birthday!!! I hope you had an amazing day and i hope you celebrated properly. Life is a miracle, so is every birth, therefore is a day to remember and celebrate big time.
Xoxo
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#69

Postby Anxious_mary_420 » Fri May 18, 2018 11:17 pm

Helenadoc.thats great news about your bf..what a relief for you both. So glad you are feeling better and really hope it continues I think you've got this now. Won't be long and this nightmare will be over for you. Gives me hope to read your post. Take care xx
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#70

Postby Bagobones » Fri May 25, 2018 7:04 am

helenadoc wrote:Bagobones, like i said, it's what i heard..i don't know for sure. But what i can assure you is that we don't have medical marihuana. It is illegal in any form.

I did an experiment at university with my biochemistry teacher and she was very frightened that someone would catch us :)))

I agree with what you said about spain. I smoked some from a friend who brought it here and it pinned me to the couch. My head was in all over the place, but my body was petrified :)))

I know it's not about tbe strongest weed, but like you said, the THC amount is waaay high and that is the main problem. I fear for those teenagers too, but maybe in a couple of years people will recognise that weed it is addictive and it causes withdrawal. It is already stipulated in the psychiatry DSM , but no one wants to believe it...


Sorry I had forgot about this.. How are you doing Soon to be dr helena?
This is the last time I will mention this since its really not what this is about. And its appropriate since I am sitting in a red tourist t-shirt that says, welcome to transylvania, from last year.. hehe..

You should check new laws passed in Romania in 2013. You might be suprised..

But thats not important.. The important thing is that you and the rest here get to feel well again. And I agree, it would be nice if we could have gotten support other places than the internet for our initial struggles after quitting. Out of curiosity, have you told your shrink about the weed smoking?
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#71

Postby Bagobones » Fri May 25, 2018 7:34 am

Anxious_mary_420 wrote:Hi everyone how are you all doing today ? I had two good days and it felt fantastic such a relief not to feel so much anxiety for a while. Unfortunately today I am not feeling so good although to be fair I have felt worse.my anxiety makes me want to change so much about my life that just can't be changed especially overnight I need to learn to live in the here and now instead of the past or indeed how I can make my future...I think it's called being mindful but I'm no good at it !!
I was supposed to go to a group addiction meeting this afternoon but I just couldn't find the strength to do it so I cancelled but have made a 1-1 appointment for Saturday week! I know that's weak and I'm a bit disappointed with myself for not having the courage to go but it is what it is.
How's your last few days been cali-detroit helenadoc , Bagobones and all you awesome people out there ?? X


Very good, soon to be not Anxious_mary but happy_mary! life sober and summer is a very nice combination. Global warming is hitting here, making it feel more like southern Europe than Scandinavian, now in may..
Mindfulness meditation is good for what you are talking about. Youtube is a good source if you are curious about it.

I find its so much easier to plan things for the future with a sober head. Its difficult to explain. My dreams was stuck in my head never getting passed the dreaming stage while I was a stoner. Now its like I automatically start to make practical steps towards my dreams, when I get the idea, or start daydreaming about it. While being high all the time, it was more like tripping on the idea, but it never happened. It stayed a dream. Not everything but a lot of things..

But for a lot of the benefits with quitting weed, its hard for me to explain. I see people regretting the past. I did too. But it goes away. Because you start loving yourself and others more. Also a thing its hard to explain and get across. I suspect (conspirasy theory) that its the chemical inbalance that does that.
Like when you struggle with a goal. You work hard at it, struggle, are sad and angry, regret that you started it, become doubtfull about the whole project. Then you have success! You make your goal! You win! Then you love the hard times and struggle too, when you look back at it.

Sorry, I just cant explain it and all I am writing now is stupid..

Just trust me on it, okay? :)
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#72

Postby Anxious_mary_420 » Sat May 26, 2018 7:28 am

Thanks Bagobones very reassuring I'm looking forward to being where you are. I'm off to see a councillor today I'm a bit nervous but also looking forward to it. To be honest I have felt so much better the last week or so, still suffering with anxiety but seems to only be first thing in the morning then after an hour or so I'm ok. I think everything is leveling out now and I'm very glad.. I worry when I read posts that say 2 years after quitting PAWS is still an issue but I'm hoping that won't be the case for me. Thanks again for your reply, enjoy the heat it's raining here this morning !! X
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#73

Postby Andrew12 » Sat May 26, 2018 7:48 am

stay postiive
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#74

Postby Cali-Detroit » Sat May 26, 2018 3:56 pm

Hi Mary,

I too was a little bummed about the long, long recovery time, but it's either that, or never getting to see the real you for the rest of your life. I realized that I would never know that person, never be an actual adult who wasn't under the influence of weed the whole GD time. I'm far too curious as to what that person will be like, what might be accomplished and most importantly, who my children will be raised by. Stoner dad or sober dad?

Whatever your personal experience, wouldn't it be nice to at least find out? Maybe it'll be shiyte, and a big waste of time. I think that often. But, guess what? Weed will still be there in a few years. So we can go "well, now we know for sure" and get right back to it. But even though some folks have reported as long as 3 years, they do eventually feel good again, and say it's all been worth it, that life is much better, etc. Hell, even if it was 5 years (it won't be) I'd still have to try. I can't die not knowing what could be. I just can't. My father is 64. Chances are, he will. And he had a lot more inside than he could ever show, I'm sure of it. I want more than that. I want to set an example and exhaust all my potential. It sounds like madness to even write these words, but somehow we have to get there. It might be a heap of pain and suffering all for naught. Or it could be the start of something amazing...I still go back and forth daily with that...hell, hourly even. It's all right though. Slog through and carry on, that's it. Hope your well today and good luck with the counselor
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