4 months off weed - bad PAWS and relapse, pls help

Postby leave_the_leave » Wed May 16, 2018 4:55 pm

Hi there,

I've been reading on here for the last couple of months and decided to create an account today because I need your help...

I'm a 29 year old woman and I've been smoking weed almost daily for 13 years. Sorry, English isn't my first language so please bear with me :) There were several breaks inbetween but none was longer than 3 months or so. I made the decision to stop smoking weed at the beginning of the year, kinda like a botched new years eve resolution haha
I think I'm doing quite well, especially compared to other people on here. I have no major problems with insomnia, which is such a blessing, but if I don't sleep next to my boyfriend I will wake up at least 5x a night sometimes which is a bit annoying. I don't have any anxiety issues but I'm suffering from depression and emotional numbness. It comes in weekly cycles, that means Monday is a really bad day with huge depression/feelings of despair, Tuesday is meh, it gets better on Wednesday through Saturday and my mood always seems to go down on Sunday, rinse and repeat. I don't know why it is like that for me but I can see this pattern when looking back.

I'm going to the gym at least 3 times a week which helps a lot (chasing that cardio high haha) and I'm trying to improve my diet although it wasn't THAT bad in the first place. Life sucks right now, but if I have to endure this state of mind for another couple of months, so be it - I just want to feel normal again :( Sometimes it really gets to me and I'm just feeling so sad and full of regret, how could I do this to myself... I also have an appointment with a psychologist to talk about my feelings because I don't want to whine to my boyfriend all the time, I think it's not good for our relationship...

But last week was just SO hard, and I made a horrible mistake. I got drunk and hit up a friend for weed and he gave me 2g which I smoked over the weekend. I didn't even enjoy it and now I'm just full of regret... Do you think I have to start all over again regarding the PAWS? I'm freaking out right now, I will never touch this sh** again but it's too late now obviously... :(

Thank you for reading
leave_the_leave
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#1

Postby JoeBloggs » Wed May 16, 2018 8:55 pm

Maybe try the link in my signature.
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#2

Postby dhae2604 » Wed May 16, 2018 9:06 pm

keep sober. Time will tell. But every relapse undoes the gains your brain made during recovery.
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#3

Postby InkChalk » Thu May 17, 2018 4:27 am

Hey Leave-the-Leave

I can relate a lot to what you've written.

Relapse does suck, but every time it happens i feel I learn something new about myself, and how the weed habit has affected me.

Will you have to go through paws all over again? My answer would be nope, relapse ain't failing.
for me It really depends on my self awareness emotions and anxiety.

Hope you can fill your days with activities and take a step back and try to notice everything around you. and Enjoy things that you wouldn't notice if you were stoned.
Also these bad days of the week, and cycles aren't always directly related to weed. Sounds like it's related to a work week.
Take each day of the week... what do you look forward to/thankful for in each day of the week?

Do you do something you love or go outdoors and get sunshine?
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