So depressed thinking of suicide!

Postby Moose3681 » Fri May 18, 2018 7:51 am

This is my first time posting on here. I'm looking for a way to talk to someone or someone that understands how I feel. I have attempted suicide 20-25 times. I really lost count so that's why it's in between. Carbon monoxide poisoning was my favorite choice I've tried pills overdosing on drugs hanging myself. But as you can tell I'm still here. I was 30 minutes away from death when my ex-wife about me in a car. I went to the hospital they said I would be a vegetable the rest of my life. They said I had enough carbon monoxide in my system 2 kill three grown men. But luckily I woke up 3 days later. Since my wife has left me I have three kids I can't see can't talk to I'm on medication for my depression it's not helping Zoloft and they just put me on Trazodone for sleeping cuz I can't sleep. Nothing in my life has went right I'm thinking about taking my Trazodone the whole script and seeing if I won't wake up. I just don't know who to talk to because the medications not working and I'm constantly thinking of suicide. Any help would be appreciated thank you!!!
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#1

Postby Candid » Fri May 18, 2018 8:04 am

May I ask what's so terrible about your life that you want to throw it away?
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#2

Postby Moose3681 » Fri May 18, 2018 8:23 am

What part don't you understand? My kids have been away from me for over a year because she filed protection from abuse order against me and I never laid my hands on her she said I raped her at gunpoint raped her at knifepoint which I never did and because I was on drugs she thought it was okay to have me arrested and put all these charges on me but yet it's been over a year and she finally talks back to me needless to say I didn't message her she message me talkin like we was gone work things out see where it might go and she turned around tonight talking about she don't know and she's moving to Mississippi 2 hours away from me if she gets my kids back cuz DHR had custody of our kids
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#3

Postby Candid » Fri May 18, 2018 8:51 am

So you're planning to bail out on your children?
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#4

Postby Moose3681 » Fri May 18, 2018 8:59 am

They can't be around me period and if I fight her on her moving away we lose them for good
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#5

Postby Candid » Fri May 18, 2018 9:15 am

Then you have no choice. You let her keep the children and stop trying to obstruct what she wants. Maybe they'll come looking for you one day; most people want to know their genetic history.

Plenty of men lose their children this way. I'm sure some of them commit suicide, but most of them don't. So what is it you want help with?
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#6

Postby Moose3681 » Fri May 18, 2018 9:18 am

Nothing thanks you figured it out just let them go don't worry about it I don't see my two-year-old until she 17 or 18 years old but who's that matter to apparently not me
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#7

Postby Candid » Fri May 18, 2018 9:29 am

I realise it's very upsetting, and unfair. But these are the cards you've been dealt, so these are the cards you must play.

Looking at the here and now, do you have a job? Do you have at least one or two good friends?

If your daughter comes looking for you in the future, do you want to be an upright citizen who's able to welcome her with love and make up for the lost years, or a drunk, or a failed suicide with brain/liver damage -- or do you want her to find out you killed yourself when she was two?

Bad things happen to good people. Killing yourself is not a solution.
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#8

Postby quietvoice » Fri May 18, 2018 11:42 am

Candid wrote:Plenty of men lose their children this way.

My best friend lost his three toddler children this way. They're 19 now. He'd been forcibly kicked out of the life they all had together and has been struggling ever since. Some women are extremely cruel.
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#9

Postby Candid » Fri May 18, 2018 12:14 pm

Some people are extremely cruel. I don't mean to minimise what the OP is going through, but he doesn't seem to have done himself any favours.

Moose3681 wrote:I have attempted suicide 20-25 times. [...] I was 30 minutes away from death when my ex-wife about me in a car.


I'm guessing that was meant to be "found" him in the car... so they were still together at that point, and she saved his life. It's not something you want a child to find, nor do you want a husband who's trying his hardest to bail out.

... because I was on drugs she thought it was okay to have me arrested...


Who knows what else this woman's had to put up with? We don't... and the OP isn't about to tell us.

... she message me talkin like we was gone work things out see where it might go...


She's offered an olive branch and he's turned it down. TBH it's hard to gauge what he wanted when he posted here.

I too knew a man who had his children taken from him by a partner who was prepared to lie, and to persuade two daughters to lie about their father. I was access supervisor in this case and my sympathies were all on his side... but then I never heard her story. The courts have a difficult time awarding custody; an error in either direction can cost a child's life.

A man who's been in hospital several times for attempted suicide would make a very poor sole parent. At this stage the DHR has the OP's children, a last resort when neither parent is deemed competent.

Just as an aside, have you ever heard of hospital staff passing these kind of remarks?

I went to the hospital they said I would be a vegetable the rest of my life. They said I had enough carbon monoxide in my system 2 kill three grown men.
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#10

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri May 18, 2018 5:50 pm

Moose3681 wrote: Any help would be appreciated thank you!!!


You need to seek out a long term relationship with a professional therapist to address (1) how you assess problems, but more importantly (2) how you choose to solve your problems.

25-30 times is a clear indication that you believe an effective way to solve a problem is by getting others to react to you. You identify a problem, you want to solve the problem, so you make a threat of self-harm. Repeat anytime you feel you are facing a problem.

Addressing these two points will not be done in an online forum. Addressing these two points is not something you can do by gathering a wide variety of problem solving strategies. You need a dedicated therapist that can take you through the process.
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