Is it normal being moody?

Postby Guess what? » Thu May 24, 2018 7:17 pm

I mean, nowdays there a lot of people that are moody.
Every person changes based on its mood, but personally I, sometimes, change my behaviour depending on how I like to be in that moment.
If I wanna show me like a thug than I move like a ghetto boy, saying evil pun, etc.
Sometimes i wanna be solar and thoughtless
Sometimes I act like an idiot.

I am wondering if I am strange or it is normal. I mean, people are supposed to have many shades of thei behaviour, and there are the famous "periods" (like dark, hipster, etc.)
Mostly I act like characters of videogames, manga or films that I like; and this can maybe changes what I would do in a particular situation. I think, or maybe my true personality come out when there is a serious situation.
How can I understand what my really personality is? Or maybe i have not one if I'm looking for it? Probably people see me like a moody and unstable person; and that shows me like a poor and worthless guy.

What do you think? Any tips?
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Thu May 24, 2018 7:42 pm

You don't know who you are.

People that are certain of who they are, what they value, what they believe, and what they want to achieve don't pretend to be what they are not.

Imagine a soldier going on a mission. There is no room for error or to second guess who you are, what you value, and what you must do. Imagine the firefighter, police officer, etc. These are people that operate in high stress, uncertain conditions and they are not afforded the luxury to act like characters of a video game.

This does not mean they do not have different moods. When outside of their role in the community these people are human and experience ups and downs. These people play and have fun. Regardless, a change in mood doesn't change who they are. Even during play they have a strong self-identity. They know who they are, they know what they value. Those things remain constant.

Mentally you are still young. You have weak beliefs and a weak self-identity. You are uncertain of your values or purpose. This is normal for a child. It becomes less normal the older you become. The community expects that at some point you will perform some role and this role will help strengthen your values, your beliefs, etc.

I'm not certain your age, but based on your post it sounds like mentally you are in transition from the weak beliefs of a young teenager that is searching to strengthen their beliefs into those of an adult that contributes to the community.
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#2

Postby Guess what? » Thu May 24, 2018 8:59 pm

Well, when I work I don't act like characters as well as soldier, etc. And maybe sometimes I act like them, 'cause i like them, and i like them maybe because I see myself in them and I admire this kind of guy and I wanna be the same.

Do you think people born with a behaviour and then they have the same behaviour for the rest of their life? (serious question)
So, still, how can I understand what I am?
I'm scared honestly, 'cause the world isn't good place and there are even adult or old people that aren't appreciated. I wanna be appreciated; but looks like people forget me in no time.
Maybe I'm gentle and girls nowdays want rude guys, maybe i'm a worm and act to hurt people 'cause i want a revenge. I really don't know, and I want to solve this issue quickly.

Little pointment, my life is tormented 'cause I never have a girlfriend, never had sex (i have psychological erectile dysfunction ), and sometimes i think to be misogynist (iirc you read my other thread in Relationships). I love girls, but I realize how weak is every bond nowdays and so I treat them like a beastes for then saying sorry like a worthless white knight. And maybe the anger of this situation makes me a worthless person. When I was a child my older sister played sexually with me; i don't know if i can say this here, sure it's just the second time I reveal this thing.

I'm really tired of this and I can't wait to become older, the best of my years are now.
I'm 22 anyway, thanks for trying to help me.
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#3

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Thu May 24, 2018 10:33 pm

Find a real life role model or mentor.

Think about 1000 years ago, before video games and television. Young men did not have the option to admire and fantasize about fake people as role models. Instead, teenagers would follow the behaviors and have discussions with the limited number of men in the community. They would follow the trade of their father or become an apprentice of another male.

You need to disconnect from video games and fantasy role models. They are not real. Participate in your local community and find real role models that you can use to help you strengthen your values, beliefs, etc.
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#4

Postby Guess what? » Fri May 25, 2018 5:27 am

Well, there is a my coworker (he is 52) that was really good. He is thoughtless (sometimes pretend to play football or starts singing xD) he has a strong security of himself, and be unmoveable on his ideas.

Anyway he cheats with his wife with dating app but he complains cause no many women want him.
My father acts like a child many times

But why can't people accept me for how i am?
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#5

Postby Guess what? » Fri May 25, 2018 11:00 am

Then soldier or police man have a real important job.
I don t understand the example
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#6

Postby Candid » Fri May 25, 2018 11:12 am

Is there anything wrong with being who you are, Guess what? You could try mindfulness techniques that are all over the 'net now. Tune in regularly to who you are, where you are, what you're feeling, what you're doing. If you make it a regular practice you'll move through the world much more happily and easily, as well as naturally attracting people like yourself.

There's nothing to be gained by pretending to be the cast of characters you've described. It isn't moodiness, it's adolescence. It will just lock you into a fantasy world where you haven't got a clue who you are and what values matter to you. It would be next to impossible to find your purpose -- or anything else -- while playing this game.
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#7

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri May 25, 2018 12:29 pm

Guess what? wrote:Well, there is a my coworker (he is 52)...Anyway he cheats with his wife with dating app


Yes, he is a real person, a real role model, a human with both good and bad, not a fake animated video game character. Every real role model has flaws.

But why can't people accept me for how i am?


First, you don’t even know who you are. You say you pretend to be a character.

Second, people treat you however you act. They accept you for how you describe yourself, which you describe yourself as this weak, moody person. They accept you as weak and moody.

Some 22 year olds have strong self identities and are accepted as such. Others have weak identities and are accepted as such.
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#8

Postby Guess what? » Fri May 25, 2018 8:31 pm

I'm understanding now.
Just few points
Candid wrote:Is there anything wrong with being who you are, Guess what?
Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:Some 22 year olds have strong self identities and are accepted as such. Others have weak identities and are accepted as such.

I think yes, maybe there is something wrong. Especially when people can take advantage of you and maybe you are naive, wishing to be good, but being really angry if something is wrong. 'Cause I think I am this.

Plus i can tell that people are not gentle. Lots of people are alone due of what they are. I don't wanna be alone, not anymore.

Candid wrote:There's nothing to be gained by pretending to be the cast of characters you've described.

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:First, you don’t even know who you are. You say you pretend to be a character.


Don't take this literally. I act like them 'cause i feel like that behaviour fits me good in a determinated situation. I take inspiration from them because maybe, repeat, I see a little of myself in them.

Maybe my real self is even worse of pretending to be somebody else.

1000 years ago i thinks people can take inspiration from books. the divine comedy, if i remember correctly, was written even to bring the people on the right way.
So people should act like Dante.
Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:Second, people treat you however you act. They accept you for how you describe yourself, which you describe yourself as this weak, moody person. They accept you as weak and moody.


And can't they accept me if sometimes i act like a lazy good boy, and sometimes like an arrogant dude?
Or do you think they will see me like an unstable guy? I think that i'm unstable since long ago.
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#9

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sat May 26, 2018 12:22 am

Guess what? wrote: And can't they accept me if sometimes i act like a lazy good boy, and sometimes like an arrogant dude?


Can they? If they want to...

Do they have to? NO!!!

The popular idea that people are obligated to accept you for who you are is a worthless, crappy, counterproductive philosophy that will get you nowhere in life.

If a person is lazy, ungrateful, slothful, sleazy, vindictive, toxic, rude, vile, evil etc. it is ridiculous to think that others MUST accept them and show them love and support because that is just who they are. NO. You can't force others to accept any other person, just because they exist.

Now...obviously most people don't see themselves as such an obviously unacceptable individual. Most people themselves as decent, with maybe a few minor issues. Most people see themselves as sometimes a bit lazy, they procrastinate, sometimes are a bit arrogant, so they also rationalize that people should accept them. But, should is different than must.

The bottom line. If you want acceptance, be a person worth accepting.
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#10

Postby Guess what? » Sat May 26, 2018 10:47 am

I am.
I said evil puns, maybe I overdoing; but i think i'm kind in general. I does support where i can and i like joking.
Where's my problem? Just i don't bring advantages, material speaking
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#11

Postby Guess what? » Sat May 26, 2018 2:23 pm

Or maybe I know what I am, but that scares me. I don't want to be a person who exploits others and does the good and the bad times with them. But I did with that girl, maybe I hurt her and now I have to pay the conseguences.
I don't believe in Karma.. but sometimes seems like it exists.
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#12

Postby Guess what? » Sat May 26, 2018 2:35 pm

Candid wrote: You could try mindfulness techniques that are all over the 'net now.


Like what? I found something like mindful breathing, awarenes, etc.
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#13

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sat May 26, 2018 3:05 pm

Guess what? wrote:...and now I have to pay the conseguences.


Yes...you are paying the consequences and at the same time reaping the benefits. Pain is both a consequence and a benefit. Pain motivates us to not repeat the same mistakes. Pain makes us rethink what we believe. Pain makes us rethink our actions. Pain is a lesson, pain is one powerful way that many people learn. You are in this forum learning because of pain.

The question...what will you learn? Will you be open to making changes or will you shake your fist and the universe? Some people don't like the way the universe works. They find it unfair, harsh, cruel, so they hide from the universe, they isolate themselves and just allow life to pass them by in misery. The universe doesn't care either way.
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#14

Postby Guess what? » Sat May 26, 2018 3:41 pm

Yeah but only one chance every 22 years is not a good thing.
I'm so stupid, I should not have do mistakes. I was conscious that she was like a gift from sky.

I learnt to do not cheat with a girl, even if we started just since 10 days. I learnt to do not be jealous of her and don't be stifling, even if she was too and I started just at the end of the relationship.
Sometimes I think I didn't do so many mistake with her. Just She didn't care so much.
I know that universe doesn't care, so sometimes I live in "nothing in life matters" mode.. yeah, like a videogame character.
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