how can you make a person listen to you?

Postby dogtree » Wed Jun 13, 2018 6:08 am

i got a problem with my father.
1. he picks his nose and rubbing his fingers so it goes downs to the floor.
2. he doesn't clean dishes nicely
3.he turns on music too loud.

i must have told him 100 times already.

When i tell him, he doesn't listen. For example, when he is picking his nose, i will tell him stop doing that it is nasty, and he still continue doing it.


plz help me
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Jun 13, 2018 12:44 pm

How old are you? How does your father get you to listen to him when you do things he does not like?
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#2

Postby Livetowin » Wed Jun 13, 2018 3:45 pm

Number one rule in life: You only control yourself. The quicker you embrace that understanding, the quicker you will learn to not spend so much energy changing what you can't. Those are his choices. How it makes him look or what he thinks about that are entirely up to him. Let it go.
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#3

Postby tokeless » Wed Jun 13, 2018 6:20 pm

i must have told him 100 times already.

Yet you think what? Maybe 100 plus would work? Just ignore him.
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#4

Postby dogtree » Wed Jun 13, 2018 6:38 pm

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Jun 13, 2018 12:44 pm

How old are you? How does your father get you to listen to him when you do things he does not like?


i am 29 years old living with my parents in apartment. My mom cook and clean 99% of the time.When dishes get dirty , my dad will clean it. My dad tell me if you want clean dishes then do it by yourself, i just let it go. i just hope my dad can be more like my mom who is clean and organized. my dad is annoy me a lot. the way he talks and his personality
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#5

Postby quietvoice » Wed Jun 13, 2018 6:45 pm

dogtree wrote:plz help me

dogtree wrote:i am 29 years old living with my parents

MOVE OUT.
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#6

Postby dogtree » Wed Jun 13, 2018 6:50 pm

i don't want to. it is expensive to live here in San Francisco. i enjoy my mom company. she cook and clean and taking care of me. i don't see my parents until after 10 pm .
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#7

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Jun 13, 2018 7:08 pm

So you are an adult wanting to change another adult.

How we modify the behavior of others is through positive and negative reinforcement. When they behave how we wish they are rewarded. When they behave against what we wish they are punished.

What rewards or punishments do you have to offer your father? I suspect not many. Probably none. You have no leverage.

And the challenge, is that in an adult-adult relationship it works both ways.

At age 29 you are being rewarded. Your parents do have leverage as they allow you to stay with them and they could withdraw that reward from you. If you try to use negative reinforcement to modify your fathers behavior he could punish you. He has the leverage, you don't.

The bottom line, you can't make your father listen to you, because you have nothing to offer. You have no incentives positive or negative that make it worth his time to change. You have no leverage.
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#8

Postby DrPsychFeels » Thu Jun 14, 2018 9:16 pm

If I still lived at home at 29, everything my father does would annoy me too.
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