Hi, I suffered with panic disorder for about 6 years. It all started when I had a very bad experience with drugs in college and I swear, that one experience with bad pot just messed up my brain for a long time, causing bad panic disorder. I had never been an anxious person. I was a hypochondriac. I thought I was dying when I felt the symptoms of anxiety. When I came across a situation when I had an attack previously, I would immediately have fear another attack. I had a lot while driving. I would look out for hospitals just in case i became so anxious that I would stop breathing and need a hospital. I hid it well, though from others.
ANyway, I overcame my panic disorder almost completely, but there are still situations I have trouble with. I went to therapy and did not take any drugs to help with the anxiety. This was about 6 years or so ago. I got the courage to do a lot of things without much anxiety that I never thought I'd be able to overcome.
However, I am still haunted by it at times. I have trouble in meetings and watching shows, or in places where if I needed to really run out due to an attack I would get embarrassed.
My biggest fear is of ski lifts or anything that if I had a big attack I would not be able to escape. I got over my fear of airplanes a long time ago. But I still fear the ski lift. What if my panic disorder comes back and I need to get off the lift and I freak out and jump! Those are the ridiculous thoughts that go through my head. But with experience... I know I have never actually freaked out and did something so drastic. But I have had to run out of rooms on occassion and make up an excuse.
I'm scared because I am seriously dating a very good snowboarder . He knows I am active and adventurous but I have not told him about this fear of the lift. He keeps saying he wants to plan a ski trip. I want to ski . I want to do it, but I'm deadly afraid I will embarrass myself and get so nervous that I feel liek I need to jump off the ski lift!
How do I get over this fear? He is probably the ONLY one I think I can actually see myself getting the courage to get on this lift with. But once I am on it, there is not turning back. What if I freak out? Should I seek therapy for this before the ski season? I always miss out with friends skiing because I secretly have this fear stilll.. Help. THanks