AAAUUUUGGGGH...I cant stop smoking marijuana!

Smoking, drinking, drugs. Whatever the object of addiction, it can ruin your life - get help here.

Postby Puffnstuff » Fri Jan 13, 2006 8:33 pm

Hi People,
I just came across this site and thought I might be able to get some helpful advice here. I've been smoking weed EVERYDAY for 13 or 14 years now and needless to say its destroying me. I NEVER thought weed could do so much damage but I have found out the hard way that it can and yet I still can not stop smoking! When I do try to quit ( a few days tops) then I seem to go straight to booze...alot of booze!
I know that the REAL problem is me and my inability to deal with life, so I know that I must change my life and turn it completely around but I am so suicidal (and weed keeps me from committing suicide, but it also keeps me from EVERYTHING else) so I'm kinda stuck in this miserable rut that I cant break away from. I recently started excercising again and that helps a little but I was hoping some of you could give me some tips to help with the withdrawl symptoms (like certain foods that may help or ANYTHING that would make this journey a little easier.)
I appreciate your time and hope to hear from someone soon with some help and-or- inspiration to kick this miserable way of life.
Thanks, Puffnstuff
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Postby Need to Quit » Fri Jan 13, 2006 9:06 pm

Hi Mate, see the next post down which is my story, I too have been smoking for about 15 years every single day approx 2 Oz per month,

I gave up on Sunday just gone and its horrible, no real advise to give you just some encouragement that as people we can overcome a lot,

I have tried not to dwell on it to much I try never to sit there thinking about how nice a joint would be, as soon as I start thinking it I try and change my minds thoughts.

I would be lying though if I said it was easy, first 48 hours for me were the worse as i felt physically ill.

For me posting here has helped, maybe it could do the same for you !

Good luck
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Postby onedayatatime » Fri Jan 13, 2006 10:12 pm

Hi Puff and Need to Quit,

I just made it through my first week. This forum has kept me going because every time my mind tells me I should just have one etc etc etc I come here and have a look at just how many people are screwed up on what I had always believed to be a harmless non-addictive drug! I've been keeping a journal and that has helped too - I guess you'll find your own best distraction, but I don't think alcohol is it, because once you get drunk, all your will-power will disappear.

Keep trying and you'll get there. I've stopped having night sweats now, but feel quite crap at the moment. I think my body is just trying to rid itself of 18 years of poisons.

Need to Quit - well done you - hang on in there!

Here is to a clear mind and positive thoughts.
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Postby Puffnstuff » Sat Jan 14, 2006 1:31 am

Hey, "Need to quit" and "One day at a time",
Thanks for your post's. Tonight (friday 13th) is my 1st drug and booze free night in 13 years...its only 8:18 pm and i am dying to load the pipe right now. I've got a quarter bag sittin' next to me just dying to be smoked but i'm doing my best not to hit it! (I know i should just get rid of the bag but for some reason i feel like i have a better chance of quitting when i have some smoke in my posession otherwise if i dont have any then i panic and all i can think about is smoking...sounds stupid i know but...what are ya gonna do?) Anyway thanks for your posts and as silly as it may sound the post's help a little because we are all trying to acomplish the same "near impossible" goal. ALL my friends are users and have no intentions of quitting so i feel like you guys are the only people i can share and relate to right now with this monumental task and i hope you guys continue to stay clean and good luck!!
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Postby NathanSF » Sat Jan 14, 2006 5:45 am

Hello Puffnstuff, Need to Quit, and onedayatatime. I'm new to the forum and just found it a few days ago...which was very timely considering the fact that I've been suicidal lately. It's encouraging to know I'm not the only one in this situation (I don't feel so alone facing this problem now).

I've smoke pot every day for about 14 years (well, took a day or two off per year, tops), and I've been smoking spliffs for the last 5 (sometimes as many as 15-20 per day).

I can totally relate to so much, most of my friends are users. I live in San Francisco and smoking pot is such a social thing, it's going to be a real challenge. But I'm up for it. I flushed my cigs this morning, haven't smoked yet today (it's about 10 pm here). I know that cutting out the tobacco and continueing to smoke pot is not a great idea, but I feel I have to tackle one thing at a time. And I hope I won't smoke so much weed if I'm not craving the tobacco that I smoke with it.

Guess that it's for now....good luck everyone! At least we're all here, which means we're trying to take control of our lives again.

Nathan
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Postby Puffnstuff » Sat Jan 14, 2006 7:13 am

Hey NathanSF and who ever else is checking this out.
Yeah, NathanSF ...I feel for ya trying to quit smoking weed in San Francisco thats gotta be rough..I mean you can get high just waliking down the street there! I guess it could be worse, you could be living in Amsterdam. LOL.
Its now 1:36 am on Friday 13th and I have not smoked or drank yet today but Im going NUTS so thats why Im back on this site checking in and just trying to keep my mind occupied...GOD#@MN I cant believe that I allowed myself to get to this point in my life where Im struggling to stay striaght for ONE FU@#ING DAY!
Anyway I would like to use this forum as a meeting place for you guys who have already left posts and anybody else who feels they need some "strength" to quit your addiction(s). I think it would be Great if we all just checked in with each other once in a while and see how we are all doing with our sobriety and pass along any little "tips" you discover along the way that may help others.
So, NathanSF, Onedayatatime and Need to quit I think it would be really nice to have you guys (and anyone else) to keep checking in on this page from time to time for strength and info and just to keep up with everyones progress and failures because we all will fall from time to time untill we get it right, and this site is a GREAT start to getting it right. I cant tell you how many times I've tried to quit over the years and now that I found this site I feel hopeful for the first time in years and years that I feel like I may actually be able to pull it off this time! I hope this site is giving you all the same hope as it does me.
See ya soon and good luck to all!
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Postby Need to Quit » Sat Jan 14, 2006 11:37 am

Hi All,

Hope you stayed staright through the night, Even if you quit for 1 - 2 days and then relapse take the posistive in what you did acheive and try again.

I totally agree with keeping some dope in the house, I did the same thing, I have about a 1/4 left.

I then know that if I do not smoke its my choice, if i want a joint right now then i can.

If I didnt have any in the house I would panic and make it my only goal for that moment to score, I know at that moment I would be totally single minded in getting my drugs,

At the moment I still chose not to smoke,

I read in somebody elses post that being totally straight is almost a high in itself, at first that did not make any sense but I can kinda see it now.

Thats not spiritual b*****ks but my head is buzzing all the time with energy, bit like speeding or " E ", dont get me wrong its not exactly the same or good as a nice joint.

I notice that you say you are sucidial, Im not in that situation and maybe some professional help would be a good thing,

Personally Dope Vs Dead i would rather the dope !

I am sure we will all give you the encouragement you might need.
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Postby NathanSF » Sat Jan 14, 2006 5:34 pm

This is rough. I didn't smoke any spliffs yesterday, first day without any tobacco for awhile. I flushed all my cigs yesterday. Took about 5 bong hits last night, not the same but.....at least I waiting until night to smoke, which is a minor accomplishment for me.

Yeah, living in SF is very difficult when it comes to cutting back on smoking (and i've been to amsterdam, i'd say smoke is MUCH more prevalent in SF). In Amsterdam you have to smoke in the cafes, in SF you can pretty much smoke anywhere. There are more pot dispensaries in SF than there are McDonald's (by about 5X!!!) I've been caught smoking on the streets by police numerous times, they usually ask if I have any harder drugs (coke, E)...I tell them no, I'm just a pothead and they let me go. The last time, the cop threw the spliff on the ground, didn't even break it or step on it....we picked it up and started smoking again when he was about 10 feet away. The pot laws are one of the major factors that got me to more to SF 10 years ago. Freedom is nice, but it does make cutting back or quitting quite the challenge.

A real challenge will be tonight, I'm going out to a music event. Most of my friends smoke spliffs, after a few drinks I'm going to have to focus to keep my willpower. I know, I know...going out to a music event might not be the best for me right now. But my life is so boring, it's one of the only things I have left that I like to do.

I know I don't want to commit suicide, but suicidal I obsess about killing myself lately. About 1/3 of my waking thoughts are consumed with ending my life (ways to do it, things to do before hand). I've got to get a handle on this.

Hope you guys/gals are doing better!
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Postby NathanSF » Sat Jan 14, 2006 6:06 pm

Therapy would probably be a good idea, but I don't have faith in traditional psychotherapy (especially the medication that is so often prescribed).

http://www.uncommonforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=13083

Here's a thread I started in the depression section. I am especially interested in the possibility that I have hypoglycemia. I'm trying to find a physician in my area open to nutritional therapy and familiar with hypoglycemia.

I took the Nutritional Behavoir Inventory and scored very high (73). I am definitely in the danger range.

Which came first the depression or addiction? Kinda like the chicken and egg thing in my opinion.
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Postby tarrantx » Sat Jan 14, 2006 6:36 pm

I'm on day 6 now with no weed and no booze after 6 years of daily use. However, I had quit before that for 2 years after 4 years of use. I remember having suicidal thoughts the first time I quit but, it was strange. I didn't want to die, but when I shaved, I'd get mental images of slitting my wrists. When I was at the train station, I'd imagine jumping in front of the train...things like that. Eventually it passed and, in retrospect, I think it was a result of all my self loathing and shame coming to the forefront of my mind after 4 years of keeping it all repressed with drugs.

Try to analyze your thinking and the images that your mind presents you and decide whether you really are suicidal, or whether these feelings are a result of repressed emotions coming to the surface. I definitely agree with Need to Quit that being stoned is better than being dead.

Moreover, I was seeing a psychologist at the time I had those thoughts, so I imagine that any thoughts of this nature should be shared with someone, and preferrably a professional if you can, as they can give you the most objective feedback on your situation.

Good luck, and hang in there everyone. It's kinda funny. I've often wondered about how many people are having sex right now in the world but, it never occured to me to imagine how many people in thw world are struggling to end their addicitons at the same time. It's like sharing a birthday, or something like that :)

Take care.
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Postby Puffnstuff » Sat Jan 14, 2006 7:30 pm

Hi all,
Thanks "Need to quit" I did make it through the night lastnight without burning one and without drinking but man did it suck! I didnt sleep at all and firing up a bowl was ALL I could think about! But thanks to this site and all you who choose to participate in this forum I feel like I have a chance! Hope you feel the same.
NathanSF, WOW! If I had known San Francisco was THAT open about weed I probably would have moved there years ago! Congrats on not smoking cigs! Once you have that behind you weed should be easier to quit.
And last but not least.."Tarrantx" Congrats on 6 days clean! How do you feel? Is it eaiser each day or harder to keep clean...just wondering what I have to look foward to.
Well people its the weekend and Im sure its gonna be tough for ALL of us so STAY STRONG and I'll see you all later.
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Postby Madlikewo » Sat Jan 14, 2006 9:01 pm

Hi NathanSF,

I have been reading your posts one the Depression forum, and in response to your question, which came first, depression or addiction, i would say (in my unlearned opinion) that depression came first.

My story is fairly similar to yours....recognised I was depressed at 11, although I think i displayed behavioural disorders prior to that and started smoking weed at 15, just to try it...by 18 i was totally addicted, but smoked to bury the dark thoughts I had, and it worked most of the time.

I'm the same age as you are now, and I've had a few lows over the years, but weed always got me through until this year when I crashed and burned and now CANNOT smoke..if I do, my eyes feel like they will dry up and explode (think i have dry eye syndrome or something, amongst everything else) I have night sweats, exceesive dreaming, constantly anxious and feeling suicidal...part of me wonders if its partly withdrawal, or just me in the middle of a nervous breakdown...I guess what i'm saying is...for a while the weed helps, but it only is really masking a deeper pain
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Postby tarrantx » Sun Jan 15, 2006 8:09 am

Hi PuffnStuff,

actually I think it's getting harder, but not in the way you'd imagine. I'm not hanging out for a smoke, I'm just not really sure what to do with myself. I've been unemployed with back problems for a year and have always dreaded getting back into the workforce with such a long absence, especially since I spent more of the last year toking than dealing with my back.

I guess it's just reality setting in. In days 3 and 4 I felt like a new person, refreshed and revived. Now I'm starting to feel like the same old me again and, while I don't want to smoke, I just don't know what else to do with myself. I keep asking myself "what do I need?" What do I need today to stay clean? It's a hard question to answer cause getting off my face is all I really know. Straight life, so far, is interesting to say the least, but I'm spending a lot of time twiddling my thumbs at the moment. Just gotta remember that it's still early days and not to get too ahead of myself.

So, don't feel too bad if you hit a bit of a slump later in the week. I'm sure it's all just part of the process.
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Postby Rob » Sun Jan 15, 2006 12:56 pm

Hi Tarrantx
Yes..this is a problem for me too.
But it is important to think of the issues presented in such a quit in slightly more depth, even though an overriding feeling of 'boredom' may indeed be an approximate description.

For many years my patterns of self medication with these recreationally smoked drugs had become a 'chemical cosh' and I never really realised.
This is in part due to the wide rangeing and on going debate of the impact on ones mental health of smoking weed / spliff and partly due to the fact that I really did not care to look at my over use as a primary indicator of deeper issues.

CHEMICAL COSH vrs DEEPER ISSUES

Now I have not been stoned for over eight months various issues have become apparent.
Firstly there is the good news of the actual victory so far...the 'I stopped using' and a host of positives that flow from this in my day to day life that at times are so numerous that I fail to really take any notice..I perhaps take them for granted actually.
But on the flip side of this are some issues to do with those 'missing years' and also of the years before...perhaps best described as 'who I was and where I was headed'.
If I stopped and looked for any single cause to my dark days or depressed and conflicted times it would be difficult to say that the root cause lay solely on being trashed all the time.
Instead I could identify various moments in my life where indecision became a big problem...direction and motivations...
Moments in my life where I clearly did not really know what I was to do...so took a direction with less than clear aims or any clear feeling of sureness.
Often acting out of fear of the very feelings that would later come back in strength to claim me as theirs.
Meanwhile I chose to smoke a lot of spliffs too...not really knowing why but because something told me that it felt good..better...preferable.
For so many years I sidestepped issues that at the time really felt like huge blocks in my path forward and in doing so thought I had gotten past each problem..but I have found that it was not the case.
I have found that in many ways I have never really faced the tough moments squarely and that my smoking pattern was a perfect last stand that eventually,once abandoned,left me exposed once again.

THIS IS A WELCOME THING...
For now I am older and wiser and have the strength and experience to make impact...move forward without straying from the difficult task before me..one by one...DAY BY DAY.

IF YOU FEEL YOUR RESOLVE WEAKEN IN ANY WAY..remember that it is work you have avoided already...many many times ...
Stick around...it will all make sense in time.. I feel sure.
Rob
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Postby tarrantx » Sun Jan 15, 2006 5:50 pm

HI Rob,
your post makes a lot of sense. The reason I quit was to give myself the opportunity to tackle my issues head on, both personal and social. When I was clean for two years I became accustomed to this but, after I started using again, things slowly started to slide. I was in a very good place when I started smoking again 6 years ago, but I had not learned how to enjoy myself without drugs. Something was obviously missing, and I turned back to weed to "give myself a break." I won't call it mistake, as I know my addiciton much better now, but I will say my logic was misguided at the time.

Right now however, enjoyment is not the issue. I'm looking forward to getting some time up so that I can work at the things I've been wanting to work at for a long time now. To be honest, I don't think life needs to be as hard as I've made it for myself. I have a loving partner, an honours degree, and 6 years of therapy under my belt yet, as you mentioned, fear is a big issue, and it has prevented me from moving further in life.

As I start to unpack the reasons for my fear it becomes apparant just how deep it runs. Ironically, I'm not afraid of the work that I have to do. Quite the opposite; I'm very keen. However, I am afraid of myself. I'm afraid of who I am, what I've become, and who I'm going to be. This, I think, is the big monster in the closet or, the scared child under the bed, depending on how you want to look at it.

A lot of things are making sense now. But, at this stage, I think one has to be weary of sensory overload. One day at a time. You know what they say in AA - If you stand with one foot in yesterday, and one foot in tomorrow, you piss all over today.

Good luck with today everyone.


P.S. I didn't actually say I was bored.
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