Hey everybody, as you might've guessed, I have a really low self-esteem. I can't help feeling that no one likes me, it sounds stupid and it is. I have virtually no friends (I'm 17 btw) and I'm afraid I'll be alone for the rest of my life.
I'd like to get friends but the problem is that when I speak with other people I can't think of anything I could say to them and I get tangled up with words. However, when I speak with my mom or someone else I know closely I have no problems.
Because I can't speak with people (and because I always underestimate myself in every aspect: school, social life, the internet) I get the feeling no one likes me and no one wants to be friends with me and ever be with me because I'm such a loser and stupid, not worthy of friends.
It's even affecting my internet life, whenever I post at forums I get sad because no one replies to me, which strengthens my beliefs of inferiority and that no one likes me, no one wants to interact with me.
I don't know how to boost my self-esteem. I've tried to think of happy thoughts but it just doesn't work. My thoughts always wander to the wrong direction, I just think I'm trying to convince myself I'm not unlikeable. I'm not far from suicide, I've tried to commit it but have failed. A part of me thinks it's the easy way out but another part thinks I should hang on because better times will come sooner or later and that I shouldn't let go of my life yet.
Can anyone tell me what I should do? I'm not that big on going to therapy or meeting a psychologist, I'm too ashamed to tell anyone vis-à-vis about my feelings...
Best regards to everyone,