I really want to die tonight

Postby Puffnstuff » Fri Mar 24, 2006 4:40 am

I REALLY want to kill myself tonight!!!!!!!
I HATE this fu#@ing life!!!!
I cant stand being around anymore. This life is not for me and EVERY day im alive Im reminded of that! I have to be here for my aging mom so I shouldnt do it and I havent done it simply for that reason and that reason alone but i just cant take this "existing" any longer its BULLSH#T! I have no hope for the future, no goals, no wants, no passion, no anything...just misery, day after day of nothing but goddamn misery!
Life is not for me, i wish it were but its simply not. Life has been nothing but a pain in the donkey for me and im sick of it!
I thought posting tonight might help me to calm down but all im doing is getting more depressed and angry so im going to go for a long, fast drive and see if that calms me down.
Good luck to all here.
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#1

Postby good spirit » Fri Mar 24, 2006 5:34 am

Hi Puffnstuff, I am sorry that you are feeling depressed tonight. But I'm glad that you said you won't do anything to yourself, even if your only reason is your Mom. Hey it sounds like you don't feel depressed all the time, just especially tonight right? Well again I am really glad that you said that you will not do it. You sound like you do have a heart. It's clear that you really, truly do not want to hurt your aging Mom. You honestly could put that caring spirit to making some sort of a difference in the lives of others, and then you would feel like your life truly has meaning right? You post does sound intelligent, even if depressed right now. So I have a very strong feeling that you are here for an important reason. You have a heart, plus intelligence. Clearly God is intending to use you for something. Hey again I am sorry that you're feeling down tonight, that feeling won't last though. It never does. Hey, we on this board are here for you. We have each other's backs. Take care my friend.
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#2

Postby roger4250 » Fri Mar 24, 2006 5:57 am

Well im only 13 so i guess my opinion doesnt rally matter but i sometimes fell the same way and all i do is lay on my bed. I guess it helps me out a little but not that much so you should try it. Just dont die.
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#3

Postby good spirit » Fri Mar 24, 2006 6:00 am

Amen Roger my man. See we all have each other's back. :D
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#4

Postby Puffnstuff » Fri Mar 24, 2006 8:36 am

Im back from driving around. There were a couple of times where i really, really wanted to drive into a tree at 90 but i resisted the urge...obviously, unless...This is....MY GHOST!
Anyway, i just wanted to thank you two for posting and also thanks Good spirit for the P.M. that was very nice and thanks for your kind words.
Hey Roger4250, your advice was good too. I probably SHOULD have laid down instead of driving my car while i was angry and depressed. That would have been the smarter thing to do.
I read your post about how you see yourself as being ugly and believe me almost every kid your age feels the same way youre feeling right now. I think your post said you were 13 and thats a tough time for ALL kids that age...always has been, always will be. It was for me and i bet it was for everyone on this site.
Someone who responded on your post said something about having confidence in yourself and they're absolutely right. Even if a guy isnt necessarily the best looking guy around if he has confidence in himself girls will be more attracted to him and...WHA-LA! Problem solved. I know thats easier said then done but you can slowly build up your confidence by doing one little thing a day like one day when that kid calls you ugly just laugh and make some kind of joke out of it and dont let him think that it bothers you because once he realizes that it doesnt bother you anymore then he will quit saying it. The next day try looking one person in the eyes when you speak with them and the next day look two people in the eye and so on.
Good luck to you Roger
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#5

Postby Pookie » Fri Mar 24, 2006 2:41 pm

Hi PuffnStuff,

Its good to hear that you are feeling a little better.

I found myself in a similar place about ten years ago, and I would like to suggest something that I have found very helpful.

I would like you to try to answer two questions - take about five minutes each.

What would you do, if you won five million dollars today ?

What would you do, if you found out today that you had only six months to live ?

Sorry, if this is a little mysterious, please bear with me.

Best Wishes,
John
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#6

Postby patrick j mcnicholas » Fri Mar 24, 2006 3:34 pm

hi,is this what you want to hear...go on then do it then..get out of everyones hair...your a pain...doesnt matter about the people you are going to hurt does it...you dont care about anyone only yourself......but thats not what i want say...youve come on here for support and advise lets look at your thread...why do you hate this life...you have to be here for your ageing mum...we all get old at some stage....when you were younger...your mum brought you up...now the tide as turned its your time to look after mum...
ok,take a break..if your mums bedridden/unable to take care of her self, put her in respite for a week or two...do the house up,decorate mums room...feel refreshed...get yourself refreshed in mind and body...sauna,go out meet new people...have you a partner,if not look for one...but dont forget visit mum...find that energy and vigour to get you posetive attitude working....best wishes
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#7

Postby megan » Fri Mar 24, 2006 5:23 pm

Hi Puffnstuff, I have only just seen this post, but I hope you come back on here and tell us how you are doing.

Suicidal thoughts are more often than not because you feel cornered with no way out and you sound really angry and frustrated too. If you are in a situation that you find unbearable, unable to cope with no support, its no wonder that you have reached despair, but you know suicide is so final and its a very final solution to a situation that could be turned around and life could be much better for you. Your life is valuable, not for what you can give to your mum or anyone else, but for you as well as those that love you. Think you just need a hand to reach out and give you that love and support right now.

Sometimes people dont know how bad things are you know and it takes a little effort from you to just ask for help. Maybe that could start off with seeing a doctor or a counsellor and just saying how bad things feel.

Your life is valuable and good you just have a huge dark angry blindfold on at the moment that is telling you otherwise.

Maybe you would like to come back on here and talk some more?
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#8

Postby Puffnstuff » Fri Mar 24, 2006 7:41 pm

Thanks everyone for your posts, I appreciate them.
"Pookie" (John) okay I'll play along...
'What would I do if I won 5 million dollars today?" I would make my mothers life a little better while she is still alive then when she passed on i would leave this state (probably the country) and start a whole new life and reinvent myself and see if that helped.

"What would i do if i found out i had only six months to live?"
I would make sure that my mother would be taken care of then i would be celebrating and i would be truly happy that my misery will end in 6 months! Just thinking about it makes me happy...That would be the happiest 6 months of my life! Actually if I had a choice i would pick the 6 months to live over the 5 million...im really, really tired of living.

Thanks again to all that posted here.
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#9

Postby good spirit » Fri Mar 24, 2006 8:18 pm

Hello again PuffnStuff my friend, I hear you about being tired of living for real. I've certainly been suicidal in my past on more than one occasion. But now I have created a spirituality, self-help website for people (4positivespirituality.com) and I feel that it really has turned my life around. I now feel that my life really has meaning, and I have a very definite purpose for being here. Man, that truly is the best feeling that I know of. And I feel the connection with my "Loving Higher Power" now stronger than ever. And that is the other best feeling that I know. But they are both really strongly connected. Don't lose that connection. Just reading this thread, you do strike me as a good person who truly means well in life. If you could just put your intelligence and good intentions toward something that would really benefit people in some way, I promise you that you would be the happiest and most fulfilled that you've ever been in life. Maybe you could start your own self-help website like I did, or volunteer at a suicide hotline answering phones. You would really be able to empathize with those callers and help them...Just some ideas, but I know that you have intelligence and a good heart. So there IS a reason for you to be here, you just need to start living it. Take care man.
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#10

Postby jjsly » Sat Mar 25, 2006 12:19 pm

Puffnstuff wrote:Thanks everyone for your posts, I appreciate them.
"Pookie" (John) okay I'll play along...
'What would I do if I won 5 million dollars today?" I would make my mothers life a little better while she is still alive then when she passed on i would leave this state (probably the country) and start a whole new life and reinvent myself and see if that helped.

"What would i do if i found out i had only six months to live?"
I would make sure that my mother would be taken care of then i would be celebrating and i would be truly happy that my misery will end in 6 months! Just thinking about it makes me happy...That would be the happiest 6 months of my life! Actually if I had a choice i would pick the 6 months to live over the 5 million...im really, really tired of living.

Thanks again to all that posted here.


i think i would also choose the 6 months over 5 mil...

sucks don't it? i'm only 17
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#11

Postby Puffnstuff » Mon Mar 27, 2006 11:59 pm

Hey Pookie,
I'm waiting for your response about the questions just incase you forgot.


Hey "JJSLY"
Yeah it does suck wanting to die. You said youre only 17 and I was the same way at 17, I wanted to die back then too and now its only gotten worse! My advice to you would be to get some help now, whether its therapy or anti depressants but go to a doctor man because believe me it will only get worse if you dont take care of it now! And the older you get the harder it is to get better. I wish someone would have helped me when i was your age because my life would have been so much better than it is now.
I'm telling you man get help while your still young because the older you get the harder its going to be to get better. Good luck and keep posting.
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#12

Postby aslowrie » Tue Mar 28, 2006 5:00 am

Puffnstuff, I think I know how you feel, a few years ago I felt very simmilarly to how you are now, I felt the same way about my future and I wanted to die but I couldnt because of my family. I was able to come out of these fealings after I went on a vacation to a comunity oriented place for a few days. you said how you wanted to get out of the state or contry and you want to start over, in a way this was sort of like that. I would recomend, that you try and find someone to take care of your mom for a few days or a week and try and get away to a simmilar small comunity styal spot where just about everyone gets allong and become freands. I've found in the one I went to that the people are always very nice and let anyone into the groop. when I went to mine I had a great time and found more of a meaning for liveing. after that I fell out of depression. it worked for me so maby it will work for you.

and like the others have said you seem like a very kind and careing person, I think you will find goals and wants and you will find meaning for the future. I remember how bad it feals to feal the way you are but once I got out of depression I realized everything I had to live for, and how they were there the whole time but I just didnt realize it. I beleave you have these too you just haven't quite realized them yet.

good luck we all support you
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#13

Postby lorik » Wed Jun 28, 2006 1:19 pm

damn it . people i truly belive that death would put me away of my miserys
i just want to die and im 16 . Only death would satisfie me .i got no respect from my friends they just treat me like a garbage just thinking of some people who get respect they somehow manage to use force to win against everyone other friends get afraid of him .i am not that type of guy i try to treat everyone the same and not like a racil sh** but they they just laugh at me like i am some kind of stupid guy . and i am not a "talkactive" with friends i mostly listen to them and when i speak they just laugh at me i surely dont know what to do i keep looking for good friends but i dont have any all i got are these so-called friends are from my class . I WANT TO DIE for sure but i keep looking for poisons but its pointless i heard ricine poison is fatal
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#14

Postby good spirit » Wed Jun 28, 2006 5:15 pm

Hello lorik and welcome to the forum!

If you did something like that, think about what it would do to your family(probably for the rest of their lives). I know that you could never just go knowing that you were leaving them in that kind of state(and probably for the rest of their lives).

I think you are just hanging around with wrong crowd. Do you go to Church at all? I think if you joined one of their youth groups, you could meet some much more positive people who you could form some much more meaningful friends with. :D
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