Hello again PuffnStuff my friend, I hear you about being tired of living for real. I've certainly been suicidal in my past on more than one occasion. But now I have created a spirituality, self-help website for people (4positivespirituality.com) and I feel that it really has turned my life around. I now feel that my life really has meaning, and I have a very definite purpose for being here. Man, that truly is the best feeling that I know of. And I feel the connection with my "Loving Higher Power" now stronger than ever. And that is the other best feeling that I know. But they are both really strongly connected. Don't lose that connection. Just reading this thread, you do strike me as a good person who truly means well in life. If you could just put your intelligence and good intentions toward something that would really benefit people in some way, I promise you that you would be the happiest and most fulfilled that you've ever been in life. Maybe you could start your own self-help website like I did, or volunteer at a suicide hotline answering phones. You would really be able to empathize with those callers and help them...Just some ideas, but I know that you have intelligence and a good heart. So there IS a reason for you to be here, you just need to start living it. Take care man.