What does it mean to look inside yourself for answers?

Postby loveme » Sat Apr 15, 2006 4:59 pm

Ive gotten a lot of advice from people saying I have to face myself/feelings/look into myself for answers etc.. i try, i really do, but I am not sure if what I am seeing/feeling/"finding" inside myself are truly my answers? or just past memories, and past feelings? I dont know how to figure out who I am, the closest I get to who I am is someone I dont like, and someone Ive wished upon the stars not to be me, and someone I have tried to proved to others I am not- I am just so confused.

What if I dont like the person I figure is myself? What if I find myself to be ugly as a person? I dont just mean appearance I mean in whole as a person. I guess I am trying to be more in acceptance. Because the less I try to change the more bits and pieces comes into place ? how come what I see as myself is all build up of bits and pieces of past memories feelings smells and taste?

Am I just memories?
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#1

Postby satanstoystore » Sat Apr 15, 2006 5:47 pm

everyone uses different strategies in life. For instance, there are people who sort their worlds by same-ness, differences, or exceptions. Or combinations of.

There are people who are motivated toward things, like the sales person motivated to reach a bonus. Or the marathon runner determined to be first. There are also people motivated away from things. Like the salesperson who hates rejection and never meets the bonus. And the couch potato who never runs for not wanting the pain in his/her legs.

Everyone stores their past differently too. Many people keep their memories and their past behind or beneath them. They're out of their focus so they can live in the moment. They are often frequently late since time has little meaning to them. They also tend to repeat mistakes often because they have nothing to compare to. Other people have their memories close at hand and are very conscientious of time. Though they don't live in the moment as much and they are quite attentive to timeing. They also don't repeat their mistakes as often as they have soething to compare to. They are also more hesitant though.

When you take into account these ideas- how people sort, how they are motivated, how they view time- it makes for a really complex personality. The combinations are endless. And we haven't even covered a core of personality- personal values. There's much more than that too.

I think it would be more to your advantage to discover how you process your world and then remove obstacles and replace with positive learning.
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#2

Postby megan » Sat Apr 15, 2006 5:56 pm

Hi Loveme

We are often encouraged to look back in the past and deep within to what makes us unhappy, and I'm actually doing quite a bit of that myself at the moment, but when I think about it, the periods I have had when I felt more together and happier are actually when I havent been looking inward but focusing more on what I have and accepting me as I am now and being grateful really. I always feel pulled back to my confusion and unhappiness at some point though and its always as if there is some undercurrent of turmoil and unhappiness in me - maybe you feel this? Its just that I find with focussing on it endlessly and trying to analyse it actually makes me feel worse.

Refusing to indulge constant self-analysing isnt running away from things, but whilst you delve into your past and what you perceive as negative too often doesnt actually always bring you resolutions but very often just accentuates the issues and makes them bigger.

I think theres a place for looking back in the past and trying to understand it all - providing we do that and move forward but I think often we get stuck with all this inward looking and miss whats actually on our doorstep now and appreciating what we have.

Maybe you should try accepting yourself - warts and all! make a list of what you like about yourself, if this is hard see yourself as another person who you know intimately and write down what you like and what you think is good. I think you may be suprised at how much there is and what you dont like, well love that too! There is no such thing as a perfect person and everyone has personality traits that they dont particularly like, but we dont have to indulge characteristics that we dont like. Concentrate on what you are good at and what you like and just accept that no one is perfect - but lovable just the same
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#3

Postby JAKJRF » Sat Apr 15, 2006 6:32 pm

Hi loveme.

Great questions; "Am I just memories" to which I answer; we are more than just memories. And to your first question; "What does it mean to look inside yourself for answers" I answer within the following quick notes.

The advice, to look at ones self, is not well thought out. Know that we look at ourselves very differently than we look at others; since the "look" involves judgment. It is said that nothing kills a relationship faster than full disclosure. And when we look inward, we already have that full disclosure.

When we try to help another, we can not really know the depth of the other's experience. We can pull towards what we think best and miss the very glue that locks them down. Do you think you know all the glue that keeps you as you are? Most have excepted much of place in both their local social cell and business community. They have agreed to a fit that is obviously the wrong size; but only obvious to an outsider. Further most don't realize how annoying or how very special they are in a given situation. Many even have accepted a thing and see no reason to fix what they think is working. When we "look" into ourselves we usually find that we are pretty blind.

The perception of ourselves is more important than our memories. There is an interesting experiment where the part of arm is vibrated. If the person is looking into a mirror when the vibration begins their waste will appear to get smaller. A recent experiment help proved how we know were our feet are without looking at them. Fact is our brain is predicting where they are and can be completely fooled. On and on... When some people look at themselves, they see a large person, even though they are very thin. The perceptions of ourselves are more important than our memories and most often hide us from ourselves.

When addressing; are we more than memories, I sense that you miss the fact that your memories are solely yours. Honor your memories for that are colored by all that is you. Even if you share an event with a friend, your memories of that event are unique. Watch a movie together and then discuss. You'll quickly find there was more to see.

We are more than memories since we can make new choices. We can choose from a list of new things, things not in our memories, on and on. Know that to judge ourselves, we must look to our past history. And most often, it is best to talk with trained helpers who will see you in an unbiased light.

I wish you good things.
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#4

Postby loveme » Sat Apr 15, 2006 7:38 pm

Thanks for the responds guys. Jakjrf I have a question:

When you say "I sense that you miss the fact that your memories are solely yours. Honor your memories for that are colored by all that is you." - what if you hate and disguise those particular memories and the sence of "self" that is remembering it? What if you cant stand the person that has these memories (ie yourself) ?

Can we naturally hate and disguise ourselves like this or could it be that somebody else or a various of persons and opinions have shaped a wrong sence of self within myself that has made me live and experience all these memories through that negative feeling and sence of self that has made these memories untolerable?
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#5

Postby loveme » Sat Apr 15, 2006 7:41 pm

I forgive you if you found that last one confusing btw :lol:
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#6

Postby JAKJRF » Sat Apr 15, 2006 10:58 pm

Hi loveme.

Forgiveness is a great gift. Thank you.

And more powerful questions... Do know that many seek their answers. But let's pause here, and remember that these questions stir much within us; and that we must be careful to stir calmly.

Much to do today. Know that I care and will begin to answer your powerful questions a bit later. And perhaps others will again post their good advice.

More on this later.
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#7

Postby athena » Sun Apr 16, 2006 6:04 pm

satanstoystore, can you explain "how people sort time"?
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#8

Postby satanstoystore » Sun Apr 16, 2006 6:50 pm

how people sort time... This is taken from Jungian ideas about people's internal representations and the basis of personality. It's really just one ingredient. Anyhow, the mind's method of storing information isn't simply one destination in the brain. It's more like a snapshot of the whole nervous system. Massage therapists know this- sometimes massaging a sore area will bring up sore memories. So the mind stores information kind of holographically. Actually, some scientist discovered this phenomena and won a noble prize for it. Anyhow, if you take into account all the aspects of a memory it has the same amount of variables that make up a hologram!

Well, a person's experience of time is no different. Time is also stored like a hologram. A person's "flow" of time determines two distinct differences in their experience of time. These differences have an affect upon their personality. Their flow of time is usually either "through" time or "in" time.

If time were points in space, "through" time would be like a line that one could see some of past, present and future. If time were points in space, "in" time would have the past behind them, present in their current space they are occupying, and future in front of them where they aren't.

The silly thing is you can tell where someone's sense of time is stored when they talk and gesture. They'll gesture to the left or behind them when they talk about the past (very common). They'll often gesture to the right or off in the distance when talking about the future. But the moment you ask them, if you were to store time in space- "where would you keep the past, present and future?" they have no idea. You can ask children and they often tell you right away. Sometimes you have to describe it in a metaphor.

What's really fascinating is when you get someone in a trance and then have them imagine approaching something they want but have trouble obtaining. You'll get descriptions like roadblocks, walls, mist/fog in the way. since they don't know how to obtain it yet they can not have a direct path to it in their future. Another interesting but unfortunate phenomena is trauma. When in a trance someone goes back along their sense of time to trauma their subconscious may cover it up to protect them. It will be like black spots along their path of time.
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#9

Postby JAKJRF » Tue Apr 18, 2006 12:47 am

Hi loveme. Hope your good.

Let me address your powerful questions; "Can we naturally hate and disguise ourselves like this or could it be that somebody else or a various of persons and opinions have shaped a wrong sense of self within myself that has made me live and experience all these memories through that negative feeling and sense of self that has made these memories intolerable?"

My sense is that the majority of our behavior is learned and this learning starts very young. For example there is an article in the April/May 2006 issue of Scientific American Mind; Human See,Human Do. In the article, the author speaks of proving a point about how babies mimic caregivers. To do this, he stuck out his tongue at his new born baby. Sure enough, the baby stuck out his tongue in response. Our mimicking others begins this early.

Numerous studies demonstrate how each of us are affected by others actions, emotions, biases, non-verbal expressions, on and on. Take this article in the latest issue of "Current Directions in Psychological Science"; other people influence us and we don't even know it. This article says "what other people do and how they express their feelings is a contagious, strong influence. Stirring in the background of our minds are the influences of other people that affect us without our knowledge or recognition... The article argues that we should not assume we are aware of most of the important influences on our behavior and judgments, and to accept that there are influences we do not know about. Only then would one have a chance at counteracting those influences and regaining control."

Our marvelous human mind, can actually feel what others are expressing. We can quickly adopt biases, anger and hate and we are naturally driven to join with each other in social ways. Sometimes these ways are harmful, both to ourselves and others. For example, a caregiver can make a child feel unworthy and "bad" and unwanted, and on and on. Imagine that child, to please the caregiver, tests the safety of joining with that caregiver, in dislike for the child; a dislike of self. This is a subtle process of growth. Of course, in the extreme case this may be to survive. However, the sensitive child may simply join to reduce the discomfort.

Know that there is a powerful ability of the human mind to mimic another mind {called theory of mind}. We can stand before a harmful person, an angry caregiver or mean spirited individual and in a way, become that person for that moment. We can harmfully judge ourselves as if we were that person. We then carry these memories as hurtful feelings and visualized expressions and smells and sounds and at the same time, feel "good" that we dislike ourselves. Hopefully that is confusing. However the feeling of "good" is not totally ours. It is borrowed from that harmful encounter(s). We can unknowingly and unwittingly adopt our abuser. We think of the abuse over and over, the conflict grows and overwhelms. Eventually we begin to dissociate from these memories; leaving them isolated but in tact. Fact is we are left with quite a mess.

Further consider a recent scientific report detailing how the expression of certain genes are affected by how a child is nurtured. The summary is, that a nurtured child is truly given a head start. Even the ancient wisdom tells us; train up a child in the way he should go and he will not depart from that way. But what of us who weren't so nurtured; who were trained in ways not kind. We children often pick up our innate value from our parents. The tone of the parent towards a child sets the framework for the child's growth. The child forms the basic belief system about him/herself, on and on.

To repeat, the depth of these effects, will be different for each child. Some children are naturally more inwardly focused, some more shy, some more easily broken by a rebuke... Loveme, we do indeed partly take over the roll of our abusers, we adopt the biases even when they do not favor us, we become what we are supposed to be and we may be silent too long and grow toward a self dislike, on and on. Add to this the dislike of body image, on and on. I have only touched these surfaces; in hopes not to trigger more.

Where do we go from here.

We can start by reclaiming what is ours. Our body is ours, and we can say no, to another's touch. Our brain is ours and we can begin to take back the real-estate we unknowingly gave to others. The process of waking up to the fact that we are "separate"; is the beginning of this flush. And just as we can be mindful of others, we can be mindful of the person, we are. Imagine yourself being wonderfully nurtured by a loving parent. Know that the nurtured child is not given nurture pills or even rubbed with nurture cream. That nurtured child simply and truly senses love. I believe we have the ability to imagine being nurtured and, like the nutured child, feel the benefits of love; we can begin to love ourselves. There are wise words that encourage us to love our neighbor as ourself. These are good words. We begin to love our self so that we we can love others.

Steps; stepping out of a dislike that is not mine, stepping towards a love that is.

I wish you good things.
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